How do you know if someone is the one?

[zellegirl]

Do all people flirt and have thoughts about other people? If so now what if you are with someone? How do you know that the person you love and can see yourself growing old with is the right one? I love my BF But I am sooo scared of my own thoughts. What happens if you are with someone you love and someone else catchs your eye? ok I know you don't cheet but I almost feel that if you are soo struck by someone you need to know, If not do you alway have the what if how do you stop that? I know that everytime my BF gets me mad I think is there someone else who is better for me. I guess all I need to know is how do you know who is the one?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well....this is MY theory.

 

There isn't a "One"...there's a "Several". I saw your other post about you looking at other guys lately, but this one is longer and meatier, so it's the one I'll attempt to tackle.

 

To some extent, it's normal to look at other people, especially as escapism if your partner is being a bit of a ... silly-billy, to put it politely. But there comes a point whereby you realise you look at practically every other member of the opposite sex, and you start to wonder...and wonder.... and it's probably a sign that you are having some doubts about your relationship.

 

As someone very much in love with my signif other, I might acknowledge someone's good looks (although not that often..I'm rather particular in what I regard as "hot")...and that's it. For maybe... 3 seconds, at most. I never wonder what they'd be like in any physical or relationship sense whatsoever.

 

It's your relationship that tells you really if he's a keeper. Does he make you feel good? Can you talk to him about anything? If you were taken to hospital after a traumatic accident in an ambulance, would you want him around your bed along with your family?

 

And...fearing thoughts gives them power, like nasty weeds creeping through a garden path. Stamp on them!

[miserableme]

You don't know, until things go wrong. Then you know they are not the one.

[Spugly Fuglet]

You just know

[lozic21]

In my opinion if you don't know, or are really worried about it, he may not be or probably isn't "the one"

[BrokenWingedFaery]

When you stop needing to search for someone who matches your soul.

[Scout]

I don't agree in "The One" because that would infer that once we are with "The One" there is no need to do anything to keep the relationship loving and healthy. But the fact is, love is a choice we make every day with our actions towards our partner. It's work - mostly joyful work, but work nonetheless. If you lose sight of this fact, any relationship can derail.

[ultraviolet]

I've been dealing with this question myself for years and what I can tell you is this... Once you find someone who loves and understands you better than anyone else and who fulfills your deepest needs on multiple levels, there are no doubts or thoughts about flirting with other people. (Yes you'll still notice when someone's attractive, but their allure won't mean anything to you because deep down you know that no one could ever make you as happy as the one you're with.) The problem is so many of us are afraid of being lonely and settle for so much less when our hearts long for something more.

 

If you have reoccurring doubts, don't wait for something to happen. Talk to your BF and maybe take a time out from the relationship to discover what's really missing.

[zellegirl]

Thank you all, you have been very helpful! I think my real problem is I am always worried that I am missing out on something better. I also suffer from the I don't know what I have til it's gone, and then you risk loseing forever!

Thanks

[vandgsmom]

When you wake up and realize one day that you haven't thought about the possibility of something better...

When you no longer need to ask these questions...

When you can no longer take a deep breath because you hold your partner

deep in your chest, close to your heart.....

When the rest of the world pales in comparison to his every aspect and

attribute.....

When your deepest, inmost soul dosen't just yearn when you two are

apart, it breaks in half and goes with him.....

When your feel as if your minds, your bodies, and your lives are no longer

one, but two....

 

Then he is the one.

[NCTuskie]

I don't believe in "The One" anymore. I think you just find somebody who's less psychotic, more tolerable, and easier to deal with than the last "one".