Lazy and selfish in bed...but nicest guy in the world

[cordell13]

I haven't told anyone about this but I'm having a problem with my boyfriend of 3 months. I've been giving it a chance because I know when you first start having sex with someone that it's not always good and the more you have sex, the better right? So wrong in this case. I am so upset about this. Basically my boyfriend is the sweetest most wonderful guy in the world but just plain lazy when it comes to sex. He NEVER touches my boobs or anything. It's like he's hard, places my hand on him and expects me to do all the work. I'm always on top and I very much enjoy sex and switching it up.

 

Yesterday we had sex in the morning...I didn't come at all...he didn't even really care. The day before, he sort of was on top of me and I came but it was the laziest attempt at making me come and I'm just lucky that I can come easier and I did. Of the 4 times that we did it this weekend, I came once. Not so satisfying. Anyway, back to yesterday. He is on the couch and is hard and places my hand on him. I say let's go into my room to fool around. He gets in my bed and proceeds to nap. Mind you, I'm in my underwear getting undressed...I place his hands on my boob and he just lets it lay there. No movement. So I'm pissed by this point and ask him if he is just too tired...he doesn't really answer me. So I got dressed and walked outside to smoke because I was so damn annoyed. I can't do all the work. There is NO foreplay with us.

 

It's me touching him and then we have sex. It is SOOO boring and I'm totally unsatisfied. He used to touch me and go down on me (sorry if this is TMI) but it's like he has gotten comfortable with me and just doesn't care. Plus the fact that he smokes too much pot doesn't help...just makes him want to sleep.

 

This is SUCH a problem for me. I'm a very sexual person. I love everything about him and think he's a great guy but this is a bit ridiculous. He didn't even notice that I was upset. What was I supposed to think? You put my hand on you and want to go to bed with me and then you fall asleep? I felt so hurt and rejected...and I don't feel comfortable yet in our relationship to talk about it. But how can a guy not like boobs? He totally doesn't touch them at all. How can I approach this with him without hurting his feelings?

 

This is so bad. Anyway, I had to get it out because I was outside crying. He didn't even know.

 

Signed,

Sad and deeply frustrated

[Goodfun88]

Why don't you just mention how he used to do more, like go down on you and it really turned you on and you liked it so much and ask him if he can do it again. Also tell him you love it when he messes around with your boobs. Sometimes guys think everything is good if we don't say anything. Just let him know you'd like more foreplay, I'm sure if he knows how you feel he'd be willing to go the extra mile. Maybe its because you can come so easily he figures you don't need more, make sure you let him know what you want! Good luck!

[Dako]

And you aren't even married....

 

Actually you need to tell him he's not too good in bed, and if he doesn't get it, tell him the truth. He may have always been with partners who didn't complain or who wouldn't know an O from oatmeal.

 

I'm puzzled how he could be a decent guy out of the sack, yet be a selfish lover.

[cordell13]

yeah, isn't that the kicker...we aren't even married and we should totally be having the greatest sex right now since it is the beginning of our relationship. What sux is that the last relationship I had was probably some of the best sex I've ever had...so going from that to this is just depressing. But the other guy was a total {Mod Edit}...and my bf is such a sweetheart. So what would you rather have? A total {Mod Edit} that can be great in bed and bad to your self esteem or a sweet wonderful guy that reminds you of a teenager in bed...not knowing at all what makes a woman feel like one.

[cordell13]

I also wouldn't tell him that he's bad...that is just plain mean. I think the approach of saying "I really like it when you..." is the best one. Maybe he will take the hint. Maybe this was just a bust of a weekend. He lives in another state so we only see eachother during the weekend...the other weekends things were different (a bit) and he was more attentive to me but this weekend was ridiculous.

[Dako]

Sorry, I'm just a frustrated guy.

[finewhine]

Came on to this thread a little late, but I need to put in my 2 cents:

 

I dated a guy who was the lousiest lover for three years. It never got better. It got worse. He lost interest in sex and, well, your boyfriend could have a low libido.

 

I would talk to him about it for the sake of the relationship. You need to tell him what's going on. Give him a couple months or something, but prepare yourself for the worst. It sometimes is indicative of a larger character flaw.

 

Trust me, if things don't work out with this one, you'll find a nice guy who's great in the sack.

[Gator]

I agree that you should tell him what you enjoy. Definitely don't tell him that he sucks in bed (well maybe one of the problems is that he doesn't suck enough )

 

I would say something like I really like when you do this or do that. It drives me crazy. And tell him that it makes you feel lousy when he just does the wham bam thank you mam number. I would be straighforward yet tactful.

[AFRIQUE4488]

i have the same issue with my boy 8 months into the relationship and from the beginning he couldnt get enough........my boy also smokes dope and just last week he came (3mins) i didnt... started fingering me with no enthusiasm/desire, fell asleep with his fingers inside me!!! gee what a turn-on!!!!

so i then go and watch porn........so thats my temporary solution...FOR NOW!!! BUT tomorrow????

i guess try and get to the core of the issue.........somehow.......(sorry im a liitle negative today)

wish u well

more love xoxoxo

[_Just_a_girl]

I know couples go through luls at times, and in the beginning stages of relationships the sex is amazing. 3 months seems pretty soon to lose interest or start getting lazy as you put it. I'm sure his pot smokin has a lot to do with it. Although, for some guys they get more horny when they smoke.

 

But to fall asleep while he still has his fingers buried in you?? Like literally?

[sti_2004]

if u guys r close u should be able to say whatever is bothering u.... i used to tell my ex everthing i wanted and she told me everything she wanted....u should just not have sex until he sez something then say what u just told us.

[Mouthwideshut]

You verbalized my last 5 years of hell, 3 of which i have been married during. I have to say you need to talk about it. You don't want to imagine your state of mind after repressing your true emotions of being neglected. My husband is the greatest person but he is the most selfish lover and when you were describing your situation i can't tell you how exact my situation is to yours, email me please to talk because I don't have anyone to talk to about this who can really relate,

[Surreality]

I'm sorry I have to call bullspit on the smoking too much pot thing. I am an avid pot head, but I'll be damned if I'm too high to please the woman I am with. In fact, if I smoke right BEFORE, I am MUCH more into than usual (which is a feat, indeed). Pot is an excuse for being lazy. That's it. a USELESS excuse. if they are always lazy when they smoke pot, then they are still lazy people when they are sober. IMO don't hate me ENA people, I just love my mary jane.

[Stay_home]

Considering the fact that he's a nice guy, go easy on him. You're a sexual person and he just might not be as sexual as you are. Teach him how you like to be touched and treated. Three months isn't that long, so give him a chance to come around to getting used to you. Whatever you do, do not talk down to him about his sexual deficits, a lot of people do not take criticism very well (especially when it comes to sex) it's a uh... very sensitive subject. If not, it could just be that you both are just not compatible and you may need to find someone who's a little more experienced in that department.

[Generation]

You guys are responding to a thread that's 6 years old.

[BlueEagle]

Considering the fact that he's a nice guy, go easy on him. You're a sexual person and he just might not be as sexual as you are. Teach him how you like to be touched and treated. Three months isn't that long, so give him a chance to come around to getting used to you. Whatever you do, do not talk down to him about his sexual deficits, a lot of people do not take criticism very well (especially when it comes to sex) it's a uh... very sensitive subject.

 

Spot on. Communication is key, and how you are able to tactfully and respectfully convey your needs. Relationships aren't always easy. Constructively work on this issue together. A few months is still very early on so articulate and keep learning more and more about each other.