VeganBohemian Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 I can feel that me and my boyfriend are definitely past the "romantic" stage in a relationship---where everything is new and exciting. But, I have never gotten this far into a relationship with anyone before and I don't know what is supposed to come next. I read online about the various stages of relationships...romance, discovery, power struggle, commitment, co-creation, etc. I think we are still in discovery...which is where you are finding out who the real person is. But I still do not know quite what to do now that my rose-colored glasses have cleared up and I am no longer looking to please my boyfriend all the time and that constant happiness is kind of gone. We haven't talked about this, but I know he feels the same way. He has never been with someone this long either. On the plus side, we talk to each other on the phone every day now where we used to not. Our relationship had become more about helping one another through things and we are definitely more open. But, we are both still very reserved about our feelings and we never talk about the things that matter. Also, it sometimes seems as though we are more like just friends, than boyfriend and girlfriend. I do love him, but it is getting to the point where I am starting to question our long term compatibility. I want to love him and be there for him no matter what, but I always find myself questioning why and asking myself if this is all there is. It is also hard to help someone if that person never talks about anything that is bothering them. I am starting to question why he doesn't speak to him mom and why he has no friends at all. I keep thinking what if we have kids and they make a lot of noise (he has no patience for things like that). The times we have together were and are wonderful and he always seems happy and easygoing, but I know he restrains himself from talking about issues with me just because he doesn't want to ruin it. But, I have issues. We wouldn't go away with me and my family on vacation and the whole time I just kept seeing happy couples walking around holding hands. My boyfriend won't go anywhere or DO anything with me (or without me), but he always tells me about how when he was younger he went here and there and over there with all kinds of people, girls included. But, God forbid I want to go somewhere with him. A part of me knows that if we move forward and maybe one day get married, we would get along just fine. There would be good times. However, would it be spectacular? No. Would we question whether or not there was someone better for each of us? Maybe. I got scared the other day because his dad said something to him about seeing marriage down the line one day...and asked my boyfriend if I was the one. My boyfriend said "I think so" which made me believe that he is not sure either, but it still considering it. The first few months of our relationship was never-ending happiness and while realize that the exciting part is over, what should be left is love, support, caring, and commitment. And I don't know if I see that here to it's fullest potential. We don't know each others families really and we don't disclose a lot of our feelings about things that bother us. I know this is all partly my fault, so I cannot blame it on him alone. But, what can I do to maybe move us forward a little bit? I want a deep commitment with him because I do love him and now that the romatic era is over...I need something to hold us together. All of this could just be that we move very slow. It took us a long time to start calling one another every day just to say "I love you". It has become easier to be around him and I don't get nervous anymore. I want to get to know his family....I want him to cry on my shoulder. Do you think he is just a slow mover? To clarify, I see him all the time and we tell each we love each other all the time. We have fun together and I am always happy to see him. I just can feel that we are entering a different stage and I don't know how to do it. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Hey VB, Check this out. I got this in one of my classes last year. It is the life of relationships. It is quite interesting. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 I never break down relationships into stages. It makes them cold, impersonal and too "self help booky", y know? Aside from that...I don't know! I guess it's a long adventure, a long-term relationship? Link to comment
DN Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 A part of me knows that if we move forward and maybe one day get married, we would get along just fine. There would be good times. However, would it be spectacular? No. Would we question whether or not there was someone better for each of us? Maybe. I have been married 31 years. I have never been able to define 'spectacular' and I also have no clue as to what stage we are at other than 'happy'. Link to comment
Sally00 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Just wondering... how long have u been with your boyfriend? Link to comment
Sunshine3 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Hey DN: What is your secret to staying happily married for 31 years? Link to comment
DN Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Hey DN: What is your secret to staying happily married for 31 years? Knowing when to duck!! Link to comment
DN Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 More seriously - and having been through some really bad patches, it's mostly about negotiation and compromise. And realising it's not all about you. Link to comment
Sunshine3 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 lol knowing when to duck. How do you keep the spark in the marriage? Link to comment
Ignored82 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 >> This is the stage i'm at! I hate this so much. I just want everything to go good and eveything turns to crap by the end of the day. Link to comment
valiantv Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I got scared the other day because his dad said something to him about seeing marriage down the line one day...and asked my boyfriend if I was the one. My boyfriend said "I think so" which made me believe that he is not sure either, but it still considering it. I wouldn't worry about that - no bloke is going to admit for definite until the minute they actually ask you - for one thing he probably wants you, not his father, to be the first to know he wants to marry you! If he had given a straight "Yes" to his Dad, that would be like he is proposing right at that moment! Link to comment
redrose85 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I'm in the intergrating stage. I didn't know they had a name for us adopting each other's behaviours and weird words! lol. I don't like the last few stages Link to comment
Momene Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 I think a lot of us go through the stagnating stage because a lot of other things in our life stagnate, too like careers. Link to comment
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