Horrible evening

[I need help]

Hello all,

It has been a while, i am doing better than before but i am having very hard time this evening. I miss him so much. He is long gone, he is with his new love and i will never have him back. i miss him, i love him and i will always love him.

 

I am so frustrated with myself that why can't i let him go?

Why can't i forget him. i want to hold him so badly. I want to see him. i want to let him know that i love him so much.

 

Why i act like this? how can i stop obsessing about him, how?? someone please tell me. i know all the right things, But why God made me so emotional, why? Why?

[rose2summer]

Don't be mad at yourself for feeling sadness and pain. You loved him, you allowed yourself to open up to him, and he just threw it all away. The more involved your feelings for someone, the harder it is to let them go. Have you tried writing a journal about how you feel about him and see it that helps. It sure helped me, check under "Rose's No Contact Journal" in the Healing After Breakup & Divorce Section. Let youself cry, let yourself feel this pain, and slowly it will absolve and you will feel less and less emotion towards him over time. Time heals all wounds, as cliche as it sounds.

[Relationship Coach]

You've been feeling this way for a few months but it seems something changed and you did better during June and July, what was it? Were you dating someone else during those months?

 

You are making this guy out to be a prince and you are idolizing him, why? He has broken your heart, has someone else in his arms at this very moment and yet you continue to profess your love and desire for him. Wanting to be with someone who no longer wants you is a clear sign of denial. You need to accept that he has moved on and has put you in the past. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be. You will only move forward when you can face the painful truth, see things as they are and detach yourself from what used to be versus how it really is. I'm sorry for how much pain you are in but you and only you can take control of your life and start the healing process.

 

RC

[possibiliti]

Hello Ineedhelp

 

It is very hard, and I know how you are feeling. But think it is just temporary, and everything shall pass. Listen the music you like; watch a movie ( it doesn't matter if it makes you cry or laugh. Just let your emotion out.); call/chat with a close friend/family member to vent until you are tired of talking about it;or just go to bed early....do everything in your power to ride it out. Tomorrow is another day. As time passes by, you are living your life, and everything will get better.

 

He is with his new love right now. This is the reality. ( really, is there anything you can do at this point to turn things around??) He thought about leaving; he made his decision to live a life without you. As I remember reading it here: our destiny doesn't tie to the person who leaves.

 

I hope to hear you are feeling better tomorrow.

[Jane0815]

Hi - I hope you're feeling better today!

 

One tool that worked for me was to make a check-in journal in a blank book for myself with projections about when things would be better . I made graphs of improvement that I filled in as time went by. Sounds terribly scientific and dry, but the curiosity of testing my hypotheses was the help I needed to maintain NC. This worked in the case of breakups of shorter term relationships though, where I felt my emotions/withdrawal pain was irrational given the situation. Now I'll have to try it with my semi-X-H, that'll be the test.

 

Something that's worked for me in other (non-breakup) situations when I can't seem to comfort myself is to imagine that I'm caring for a small child. Sounds sort of split-personality, I know. But there are times when the rational just won't get through the pain, so this approach helps by not arguing with the pain and by calling out the side of you that's the wise adult ot take care of the suffering, helpless side in a non-judging way.

 

Sounds like your guy was your first love? This makes it extra hard.

 

(Rose's NC journal might be the on-line version of what I suggested above - I'm going to check it out. Important is that you find what works for you. And do it!)

[I need help]

Thanks so much you guys for your kind words. I am feeling much better today. Friday evening was one of those evening when you can't just shake those feelings off, no matter how much you try.

 

I have been doing meditation, yoga, working out at gym, keeping myself busy at work, but i can not stop idealizing him, he seems like most important person on this earth. Everyday, every morning, every night i think about him

[GreatGuy]

It's normal, but it goes away..which is even scarier. Imagine a drug dealer cutting the supply on his clients. They go into withdraw, their emotional state is in shock, they want the "stuff" really bad and idolize it , think of it each and everyday. It is the only thing on their mind...

 

This isn't so different than what you're going through. Just allow yourself to think of the time before you met that person, and how this stage won't last either. We're all in emotional changes and i think you will be fine. It will take some time sure, it will hurt, sure. But you will come out if it looking back wondering what da (#$%*??? was i thinking? LOLOL

[tobetterdays]

we all go through those moments..you are not alone. but from what i have seen so far, they pass. its a rollercoaster, you know that.. you need to ride the ups and downs. but ride it with your eyes open and expect the drops. this way you can prepare yourself for these times with things to do, people to talk to, places to go.

 

and i agree with RC.. the sooner you accept that fact it is over, the sooner you will move on, that is if you havent already.

 

stay strong.. we are here for you

[GreatGuy]

I know it is all about being realistic about the situations, howver it isn't so easy to let go and accept the fact especially in time of greivance. We're emotional and unable to think rationally.

I just know that time is our friend, since it does get better with it.

 

Take it easy , you will be fine!

[joyce1412]

hi there. first i'll give you the line that my bossy mom would give me: "SNAP OUT OF IT! he doesn't deserve you. NEXT!"

 

now that THAT'S out of the way...

 

first things first, you won't always love him, i can promise you that. maybe a distant, detached, "i care about your well-being" kind of love, but not true love. how do i know? i said the same things about a person once, and i don't love him like that at all anymore. i hope he finds happiness, and we are friends, and i sincerely hope he finds a great woman, and i won't care that it's not me. that all says a LOT considering that i'm a really jealous person, and pined after this guy for YEARS. i bet there are many people on this board who could tell you a similar story.

 

ugh, i hate the idealization. that will get you nowhere. sometimes it seems like all you can do is remember the good times, or even if you don't think about them you'll stumble accross things or places that remind you of how "great" he is. but the thing is, he's NOT great. he left you. he took a look at all you had to offer, decided he didn't want it, and took off. he is not the one for you. the one for you will see what you have to offer and adore you for it. honestly, the way to get over it is to think about all his nasty habits, all the screwed-up things he did that you overlooked, all the mistakes he made. because this is the only way to balance out your extreme idealization of his character.

 

you do sound like you loved him deeply, and you sound like a sensitive, caring woman. my hope for you is that you find a way to distribute this love and care to other people in your life. for example, i've found joy in deepening my relationship with my parents, with whom i've always had conflict...i can honestly say that the quality my relationship with them has increased tenfold. i've also become a better friend; after realizing the importance of having good friends in hard times, i want to be there for them like they have been for me. and i've learned to better accept their love, making the friendships stronger.

 

there really isn't a lot i can say, i wish i knew more about your situation. but each person has a finite amount of love she can give, so all i hope is that the extreme devotion, loyalty, and love you feel for your ex right now gets channeled into the people who are actually there for you. because channeling all these feelings and all this energy into someone who doesn't want to be with you sounds like a pointless, heartbreaking exercise that is excessively prolonging your pain.

[GreatGuy]

You doing ok ? I sent you an email.

[ataurusguy]

Dear I need help,

 

It is obvious that you have a strong instinct to love and be loved. Do not put yourself down for having this lovely trait. This man was certainly not an appropriate recipient of the powerful and pure feelings that you have. Be strong, look forward and the strengths of your character will be rewarded. I do not know if this last statement is comforting, but in this world, it is the nice people who tend to finish last. Be well.