I'm in love

[girlie219]

I'm a 21 year old female and I regard myself as straight. However, I have been in love with my straight female friend for some time. We've both just finished university and live some way from each other so I don't get to see her often. I'm pining for her so badly, it's killing me, I can't stop thinking about her!

 

I know I'm not the first person to be in love but the fact that it's with a woman just makes it so much harder and confuses the hell out of me! I can't discuss this with anyone because I know I'm straight and its just her, and I definitely can't tell her. It seems like I pine for her when she's not around but when she is around it's just as hard too!

 

I have had boyfriends but my longest relationship is only a couple of months, nothing serious. To be honest I'm quite shy with men but I also feel like I've been let down by them quite a lot. I don't know if the lack of a meaningful relationship with a man is a reason why I like my friend.

 

What should I do?

[rose2summer]

Good question and one I wish I knew. Is your friend straight? What makes you like her so much that you feel a man wouldn't provide?

[itsallgrand]

When I was in high school I fell in love with a straight female friend of mine.

Ok., I never really considered myself straight. I didn't have a word for it. 'It' being bisexuality. I had had crushes on boys, and other girls, but this was different.

I really loved her, and I knew I could never be with her. Agonizing! Oh course, also very exciting and erotic.

 

I don't know what is going on in your case. Only you can figure it out. Maybe the situation is exciting. Maybe you have shared emotions and experiences with her that you have not yet experienced with anyone else.

 

Female friends can get very close. Emotionally, physically (not talking about sexually, but touching and being close acceptably), mentally. Perhaps you are confusing some feelings for something their not - then again, maybe not. Maybe you are in love.

 

But...

it might be helpful to disregard sexual orientation labels for a while.

Instead...you are a young woman who has been attracted predominately to men, who is now experiencing strong feelings for a woman.

 

Are you sexually attracted to her? Do you have any strong, healthy relationships with men - not necessary to be sexual, can be a friendship, family?

[girlie219]

Well I don't have many male friends, I went to a girls school so I probably see men as a different species, but I guess I'm also a little shy with men even on a friendship level. However I do have a strong relationship with my dad and I have a brother.

[Jinx]

Well to be quite basic about the situation I think you first have to regard what level your feelings for her have set themselves at.

 

If it is simply an interest in her as an individual without a physical attraction, I'd assume it is a straight girl psuedohomosexuality case. Kind of falling in love with someone you really like but it isn't complete. There isn't a physical element it is an emotional mental attraction due to lacking in another area of life. Perhaps in this case since you made these statements:

 

because I know I'm straight and its just her

To be honest I'm quite shy with men but I also feel like I've been let down by them quite a lot. I don't know if the lack of a meaningful relationship with a man is a reason why I like my friend.

 

That may just be the issue. You're not receiving the same level of emotional/mental positives as you are with her, you're not as comfortable with men as you are with her, and the list goes on about what she has that these men you've dated have not.

 

Whereas on the flip side of this, you say pining for her, I'd have to look that up because personally I've never heard it. So disregard any following comments which may appear in the realm of stupidity because that term covers it and I just didn't know so.

 

Okay, now if you have a Physical Attraction for her too, where you can actually think about a relationship on all levels. Platonic as well as Romantic, you might just be of the * * * * * persuasion. Personally, I really doubt many of those who are truly straight are going to have in depth fantasy material or thoughts about one of their own sex, regardless of how poor the opposite sex may be to them. It is just orientation and attraction.

 

I'm just saying, poor men prior doesn't constitute the brain getting one, "Free Brain Makeover" ticket, otherwise we'd have a lot more Lesbians and visa versa (on the level that if that logic worked, lesbians having a bad relationship going straight, bisexual. Gay men, Straight men, same difference). That is just my opinion of course.

 

In a nutshell, for all of this, if there is no Physical on the Sexual and generalized Romance level then the attraction idea, to me, is incomplete thus couldn't regard it as Homosexuality. thereforeeee, it may just be a subconscious "making up" for what you have considered to be lacking in your experiences, and finding someone who makes up for all that you want, well, they're free game for the mind to a point. Point being it stops at the Physical. Though again, if it covers the Physical as well I'd consider this Homosexuality sweet and simple, I can't see as defining a full body (mental, emotional, physical) attraction as anything else, er well, aside of denial I can't define it as anything else.

 

Of course, again, Homosexuality and its "true" definition is something always for debate. What I've said here like the typical internet disclaimers do, is not necessarily the same opinion reflected by others in the Gay or not so gay Communities.

 

As for what to do, think I'd need the level of attraction idea cleared up first, what extent you have going there for her.

[loveualot]

hey i m in the same situation.. n well i think my best frnd oes like me too.. buti m confused.... try givn he rhints n see how it looks.. if she respons in a positive way or .. not.. i too had sum sad relations with men so im more emotionally connected to women altough i do like men... women understand u i feel... are aware of your likes n dislikes n it feels right.... i say start off with hints