He is attracted to other women – nothing to do with me?

[waited2long]

](*,) I don't seem to be able to get over the fact that my husband finds other women attractive – some more attractive than me. He says it doesn't have anything to do with me. ]

I just can't comprehend that. In my mind, it has everything to do with me.

I tried to compare an attractive woman to a really cool car, but it didn't work, simply because I can't be compared with a car, but my body can be easily compared to another woman's body.

 

He said so many times in the past how 'wow' I look, how proud he is to have such good-looking wife and how envious other men must be.

Now, I'm getting older. Is HE now jealous of other men who have 'better, younger models'?

 

I'm feeling so miserable at the moment.

Any thoughts?

Is it possible that it has nothing to do with me? How?

[DN]

The answers will basically be the same as the last time you posted this.

 

I strongly suggest that you seek some counselling for this before it destroys your marriage.

[waited2long]

Thanks for understanding, superkgirl.

Yes, I’ve told him and he said that he’d stop checking out girls (with or without me)

 

He also said that it is a fact of life that he finds some other women (usually younger ones) better looking than me, and it has to nothing to do with his love for me.

I believe him. But, probably because I don’t understand, it hurts like hell...

 

DN, I don’t recall you answering my previous post.

I take you think this is the fact of life and I just have to accept it.

[DN]

I read your other post. I think you are taking it so far out of proportion that it will damage your relationship.

[melrich]

It's pretty hard to legislate against what someone finds appealing to the eye. And finding someone appealing to the eye and actually wanting to do anything about it are two completely different things.

 

I can tell you how it is with my partner.

 

I am the the first to admit there are plenty of better looking guys walking around out there. And i would be stupid not to expect my partner to look at them and think "Great looking guy!" That's Ok, she'll often point them out in the street to me. But I know it's only an aesthetic thing. It doesn't mean she loves me any less and it certainly doesn't mean she's going to jump into bed with them.

[lost_status]

My boyfriend admitted to me that he found me more attractive when I saw some girl and said she was really pretty, he said that it showed that I appricate peoples beauty. Just beacuse we look at other people or check them out it doesnt mean we will be found in their arms, its all about appricating beauty and life.

 

Dont let it get to you, the world is full of beautiful people everywhere you look, its the personality that matters. Your husband has decided to be with YOU! cherish it! Your lucky to have someone, some poeple dont have anyone.

 

I find heaps of men better looking than my boyfriend, its not a big deal, it doesnt mean Im going to do something about it. Dont forget, looks fade but its the inside that really counts.

[HollyTN]

Im sorry Waited that you are going through so much frustration and pain! I know exactly how you are feeling. Thats how I found your post. I was trying to figure out whats going on. I think that it has to do with insecurity. I dont think it has anything to do with us, thats just how it is apparently. Its very hard for me to understand also. I just wanted you to know that there was someone else going through the same thing with the same feelings as you. Hopefully we can gain some insight to the male brain.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Waited2Long,

 

Jealousy is a real kicker. But - on the looks front - I don't know; logically we all know that we're not the best looking person in the world. There is *always* somewhere out there better looking than you, in a world of actresses and models. All the girls in my office agree that Johnny Depp is a god!! lol

 

BUT saying that, I don't know, it's not an insult to anyone. That's just physical looks, that's not why you love someone. When you love someone, they are the fantastic to you. You know that they are not the most attractive, but you think they are fabulous and love them just the way they are.

 

See, if someone told me that I was the best looking woman in the world, I'd know they were lying. But if they told me they loved me and thought I was gorgeous, that's fine.

 

I think you're getting awfully caught up in the physical beauty aspect, to be honest. What does your husband say when you tell him how you feel?

[waited2long]

Thanks for replying guys.

 

HollyTN, thanks for understanding.

If you ever come with the magic solution, I would love to know.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

 

Honey Pumpkin, your post makes a lot of sense.

But - on the looks front - I don't know; logically we all know that we're not the best looking person in the world.

For me, he is the best looking man in the world – and I am honestly not lying!

 

What does your husband say when you tell him how you feel?

He says they are 'better looking', but I'm gorgeous, fantastic, fabulous, that he loves me and will stop looking if that's what it takes to make me happy.

What more can I expect?

But I just don't want him to 'sacrifice' for me. Besides, I think it can only increase his desire to look (you know, when you don't allow yourself to do something, you want it more than ever).

I'm not a great believer in 'controlling' people, I think it never works.

 

I think you're getting awfully caught up in the physical beauty aspect, to be honest.

Yeah, I know

I think this is mostly the aging process. Maybe even mid-life crises.

He used to compliment me all the time about how good I look, so I get the feeling that the way I look is important to him. Now that I'm older and don't look as good as I used to, I feel that something important (for him) fades… and so he feels the need to look at younger, sexier girls.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It's one thing for your husband to find other women attractive - fine, it's only natural.

 

But if you get the impression he finds them more attractive than you - that's a bit of a problem, and inconsiderate on his behalf.