still hurting

[r3drobin]

it's been a long journey. however the final breakup was almost 4 weeks ago. overall i've been ok. the past couple of weeks i've been gettin worse daily. it seems around every corner is another kick in the teeth.

after our alleged "try again" 10 day period...before which he had to dump the girl he had been seeing for the past 3 months... before which we dated 2 years... i recently found out they are back together. it makes me sick and its breaking my heart.

when he gave me the final heave-ho it was a big speech about how it was just too hard for us to work things out...too much water under the bridge...oh and lots of "you'll find someone better" crap. i asked specifically if it was the other girl. he swore it wasnt. said he didnt love her, didnt see a future with her, etc...it wasnt her as much as just the relationship he had with her...finding out how different/better things can be with someone else. he just didnt see a future with us and wanted to move on. apparently it was DAYS if not hours later he patched things up with her and has been seeing her ever since. it turns my stomach. it breaks my heart. it makes me furious. the exact same way i felt when he started seeing her 2 weeks after we broke up in March.

what i want to know is why is he lucky enough to move on so fast...find comfort with someone so fast. and here i sit... unemployed, dateless, alone in my apartment going completely mad! he was the total a** in our relationship and every bit worse afterwards... and yet he seems to be living a happy filled life! i have had nothing but devastation all year... and i just keep gettin knocked down. every time i feel the least bit up, i'm knocked totally to the floor. i hardly have any teeth left. my heart is shattered and i just cant seem to get a break. the walls are closing in on me again and im so sad and lonely.

 

 

robin

[CanILoveAgain]

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I can relate to your situation, it always seems like they can just pick up so easily and start over and not care one tiny bit about you after you put so much love and evergy into making things work despite all the problems they seem to always cause.

I was lied to, cheated on many times, my emotions completely scrambled over a very long period of time by being with a nearly crazy girl who was doing various drugs and lying to me about it...then later became a porn star (no joke) ..I had to live through this and see the person I loved with so many other people...it nearly destroyed me. What made it worse was the whole time she kept telling me she wanted only me and we were soulmates and I was already really depressed and had really bad trust issues from my last relationship where I was betrayed by another "beautiful" girl...I was barely hanging on when I met my last ex and thought she had "saved" me and let me feel love again..I'm not in very good shape emotionally now to say the least after 2 months apart and I am just now starting to even be able to function like a normal human being..all I can say is that in time you WILL heal and it will get easier, you have to make a cognitive choice to let go of the person that is hurting you and start the recovery process..the going back and forth and the constant ups and downs in your situation will just make you depressed and hurt more...you have to take a stand and decide you are done being hurt...and amazingly that's usually when the other person suddenly wants to come back into your life..but what often happens is that you already have moved on and karma takes it's butt kicking out on the bad guy. Hope this helps...you have so much happiness and freedom ahead of you to find someone who can love you and treat you alot better like you really deserve, like we all deserve.

[tretneo]

Robin,

 

I feel for you and know what you are going through. My current situation is very similar to yours. This year has been really bad for me both with my job situation and my love life with my ex. I feel like I have also just been stomped on all year and now my ex is just following along with the * * * kicking I have been receiving. My ex is still manipulating me with words and false emotions/hope and it is almost too much to bare. I hope you will be able to pull through and stay as strong as possible.

 

Another thing that I have come to realize. I consider myself a "good" guy. I am loyal, honest, loving, caring and polite. It seems to me that the road of the "Good" guy/gal is a very difficult one. We try to maintain our goodness and our integrity while having to watch those that would stomp on our hearts and destroy us get ahead and lead happy lives while doing little to nothing to be "good" people. It just isn't right but it is the way it seems to work

 

Rob

[r3drobin]

there hasnt been any back and forth since "the speech" almost a month ago. we went to immediate NC. just the thoughts, emotions and pain are creeping back into me. just me...obviously not him.

[CanILoveAgain]

It takes time for those old memories to fade and be replaced with new ones...but it will happen...focus on loving yourself and try to live a healthy life and before you know it very good things will come your way when you least expect it..I promise. Everything really does happen for a reason...if you can try to see the new movie from the book "The Celestine Prophecy" it would be like chicken soup for your soul...checkout link removed ..go see that movie or read the book it will change your life. Good luck!

[jue]

hi robin

i really feel your pain my ex partner(whom i still love) left me after 11yrs for someone else.he is living with her and like ur ex.his life seems to be going well whilst mine as gone down the pan

it really is unfair that they can move on whilst we are stuck with the memories of how it once was

i hope you will be able to let go,me at the moment i am finding this very hard, its been close to 4 mths since he left

i sit alone in my house after finishing work.the thoughts just keep coming.

i just wanted you to know i know how you feel.everyone says time is a healer.

but its just not happening for me ,i hope you have better luck.

you are being strong doing better than me..i have lasted 4 days the most doing nc..then i crumple and i am back to square one

i dont know if you ask yourself these questions but some i ask myself are

what makes her better.why her.what wrong with me.

oh yeah,and the person he left me for was his first love of 24yrs ago..i know her from a long time ago.

sorry for rambling,i know im no help..lol..but just wanted you to know i know how you feel

take care

julie

[HeartAche]

Hi Robin,

 

I'm really sorry to hear how sad and lonely you're feeling after all this time. Were you doing better before the "try again" 10 day period? Your ex sounds like an extremely selfish, self centered * * * * imo. Going back and forth between two women is bang out of order. I'm guessing that he's never been emotionally hurt if he's able to just toy with your feelings like that. Yet the other woman took him back too? Is he some kind of Brad Pitt stud? Whatever he is, he needs taking down a peg or two by the sounds of things.

 

*Pause, calm down and breath* Ahhh that's better, sorry about the rant. It's just that I'm in a similar situation as you, my ex told me 4 weeks ago she wanted a temporary break, swore it was only temporary even though deep down I knew she wouldn't be back. Then a week after, a few emals went back and forth and I could tell from what she was saying that she wasn't coming back so I asked her if she'd reached a decision and got the whole "I'm bored with the relationship honey, I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore, I want to go out and meet people and have a laugh, I don't want to look back in 20-30 years time with nothing to say" spiel.

 

Anyway, I've now been on my own for 4 weeks and I still miss her big time, she seems to have easily put our 5 year relationship behind her and moved on and I'm wondering why I can't do the same. I look at other woman and, although I find some of them physically attractive, I just can't see myself with them. She seemed to tick all my boxes and now she's gone. The thought of never finding anyone that can make me happy is a very scary one but I figure it's something that everyone goes through at some time or another.

 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this as I just tend to cruise into waffle mode when I start thinking about her but I think the key thing is to try not to think about what he's up to. If you do think about him, try and convince yourself that he's sitting at home alone and unhappy. You need to focus on you, do stuff that makes you happy (as hard as it is). One thing that's helped me a bit is setting up my own MySpace page. You can spend hours customizing your page, finding things to put on it, writing about your interests and looking for new friends.

 

No doubt you're an attractive woman - if that's you in your avatar then hubba hubba - so you'll have no problems meeting someone when you're ready to move on. Just try and think positive, don't let him ruin your life anymore. Sign up to MySpace and add me as a friend... do it, do it now!

[Murzilka]

As everyone else has already said here, this type of feeling is normal to your situation. I was in a similar situation myself and felt like he didn't deserve to have the happiness after hurting me so badly. He didn't deserve to have the luck and the hope while I was feeling so hopeless and hurt. Everything does happen for a reason though and I would question why this happened. Not the literal meaning, but look at what lies beneath this. In my case, I had lost myself while making this other person happy. I gave up my interests and my friends in order to be happy with him. Realizing that was a big eye opener. As hard as it may be right now, try and look beyond what's happening with him. Look inside yourself and see the person that you would like to be, WITHOUT HIM!!!

Hope this helps,

Take care.

[Irishman]

I really relate to your situation...i'ts only been week and half, but I can't eat, sleep, function, nothing, but I have only contacted her once to ask her to meet, face to face, for 30 minutes on the weekend.... to get closure... I don't think that she want's to hear from me that I have to move on...that way, although she lives right accross the parking lot from me (that makes it worse when I see her with him) I would still be in her life... she tells me that she wants to spend time with me???? Totally BrokenHearted

[Irishman]

My girlfriend (Russian, well from Minsk, Belarus) met on Yahoo Personals just under a year ago..I helped her out while she was unemployed, by the way she's a civil engineer, .Anyway to cut a long story short...we were so close together, so comfortable..both agreeing that we could be soulmates. I got her an apartment in my complex with her daughter, to save her rent from her previous dwelling...everything was so good between us. She's working now as a security guard and recently got a bartending job up the road from where we live. She works five nights a week...Not a high class place to mention...anyway she met someone there and I only found out about it by accident..this was last Sunday one week ago...well she came into my apartment after she finished her shift and said that she wanted to talk..this was 4:00am..Bascilally I told her to leave and never to call me agian..She still wants to be my best friend and soulmate. I'm totally heart broken and want closure. Any suggestions..

 

Additional Details

 

2 days ago

Just tonight, I met her at the bar where she was working, and told her thatI had left a message on ther answering machine at home and to at least have the decency to reply. My message was that I wanted at least to meet her (to get closure). When I got home a couple of minutes later, she called me to say that she had listened. She said that she wanted to spend time with me...??? and that she would call me when she had time on the weekend.After her work she came home and I could see her with the other guy outside accross the parking lot. She blatenly started kissing him so that I could see, she ten got into his car and drove off, I suppose to his place. She really rubbed it in and I knew that she must have know that I was watching, I'm not sure though.......By the way, Im 49, she's 43....

[r3drobin]

thx for all the replies. as far as myspace...UUGGHHH!! dont even mention that word to me... that is where he met her. i had a myspace for a little while but had to delete it becuz watching them fall in love on their pages almost killed/kills me. no no no thank you to myspace.

he also has 2 other websites that i find myself staring at some days/nights...and i have to stop that. cuz it kills me. its all about him and her and i just want to puke.

however, thank you for the compliment as yes.. that is me in the avatar! i've signed up for some online dating services but i havent gotten anywhere with them. i get emails but YUK... they are mostly from very old men. not my thing. i swear it seems i'm just not meant to be dating right now. and that really bites becuz i am very lonely. i think if i could just get a job i would feel better...but i'm not having any luck there either! its just a real crappy year i tell ya. A REAL CRAPPY YEAR!

 

xoxo

robin

[tretneo]

Robin, Hang in there, I know how you feel, I have lost my job, had to move twice (now completely out of the area due to my ex situation) and lost my gf this year. It sucks when things start to go wrong and the one that you love the most won't stick by you. Just try to stay strong. As far as your dating situation just hang in there. Hopefully the young ones will start to show up. those old guys are scary

 

Rob

[r3drobin]

why do i keep looking at those f'in websites. someone take my internet away!!!!!! ](*,)

[tretneo]

I know how you feel Robin, I kept looking at my ex's myspace page all last week and finally have managed to stay away for 4 or 5 days. It gets easier, just hang in there. Oh and don't worry about finding someone else like I said.... that other poster had a point about your avatar, you are a beautiful woman, no worries. Just watch out for those 50 year old guys lol go with the latest trend and get a 20ish guy.

 

Rob

[Pkittie]

Robin women are emotional creatures not like men. Last yr my bf left me feeling so helpless. My job situation was pretty bad, i had just come out of a divorce and to add to it no family In the US, very few close frens. I was told by a wise man You have to be strong yourself. Forget everything main focus shud be job first. Then everything else. you need your self esteem back. As they say after 6 months I did get on ok job. God is looking out for us... AS they say "You meet people for a reason, season or lifetime" If it helps there are so many of us sailing in the same boat.... Who knwos what future has in store for us.....

[r3drobin]

thank you all very much for your kind words. i was just talking to a friend of mine and being reminded how hard you really have to force yourself to do positive things when you feel down. it has just seemed impossible to force myself lately to do anything to make myself feel better. i just keep looking at those stupid sites and feeling sorry for myself. i keep talking about not having a job or getting call backs rather than keep looking! i just have to stop lookin at his websites and keep looking for a job. right?!!?!! right. i know this...i'm a smart woman...i do know this. i can and will do this. \\

 

 

tretneo, from experience i have to say the 20 something guys are TROUBLE! hehehe... not necessarily in a bad way... but not the trouble i'm lookin for! lol

but thx for the compliment

 

xoxo

robin

[HeartAche]

... "You meet people for a reason, season or lifetime"

 

What an excellent quote *pops off to set it as his signature*

 

Robin,

 

Apologies about the MySp*ce suggestion - I forgot about some of your previous posts

 

I know what you mean about the website thing, I keep checking mine to see if she's logged on and, if she has, I do a quick check to find out what she did. Fortunately she hasn't logged on for a few days now - ever since I removed her special message as it happens!

 

The online dating thing will take a while, I've signed up too and the only women who have contacted me look very old - they're only 30 - 33 but they look in their 40's! But if I'm meant to find someone on there, then I'm sure I will and the same goes for you. Perhaps you're not meant to meet someone online, perhaps you'll bump into your Mr Right down the local Walmart or something. Just remain positive and if you feel the urge to go to his website, pop on here and send me a PM instead!

 

Stay strong.

[Goldfish6888]

Hi Robin

 

Just thought I would say you are very attractive and look about 10 years younger!!! Don't be sooooo hard on yourself! You will have NO PROBS getting men!!

 

I've tried the internet dating route and its a mixed bag really. Its hard to meet someone genuine on it. Though I'm going on a date tonight with a guy I met on link removed ( not even sure what he looks like!!! ) owch!

 

When you are out shopping.....try this...go to the mens section....spot someone cute without a wedding band (hopefully he's free). Pick out a shirt and say "you're buying it for your brother and he is about the same size as him".....Ask him "do you think he'd like it!! This has worked for me for about 3 dates!!! Its a good way of building confidence aswell, just chatting to men...and flirting and FEEL THE POWER of your smile!!

 

 

At least you are getting the "face to face" chemistry, which is hard to get from the net. Its a numbers game. Get out when you can, and do what you can!! Think of it as a game of discovery! There is a world out there. Even on the jobfront! Now is the time to consider new things.........I know you can do it! Total 100% faith!

[r3drobin]

thank you goldfish! and i like your suggestion about shopping... in fact i have to go shopping this weekend for some clothes to start work in! i have been working out and losing weight so my clothes dont fit! but thats a good problem to have! i think i'll check out the mens section while im there as you suggested! wish me luck!!

 

heartache, i'd contact you for a date if lived in the same country! even though i AM an old woman!! hehehee..

however, i WILL take you up on the IM thing if you dont mind!?!? but get ready cuz you may log on to find about 100 emails from me sometimes! i am a mess when i get depressed!! hehhe... you just dont know what youre gettin into here!

 

oxoxox

robin

[Past2Future]

Hey, I'm not 20 yet, how bout the pre20 trend

My story is a jerry springer type story, but similiar to yours. I never understood how someone could move on so fast either. Like you tretneo, I also suffer the consequences of being a nice genuine guy. I was so innocent before my first love, and now Im filled with hurt and pain (even after a breakup in january). I just hope one day I'll look at life like i did as a kid with such amazement and excitement. My days now are filled with heartache and hurt.

[r3drobin]

pre20 ???? hahah... nooooooo.. in some places i'd go to jail !!! LOL

 

you have lifetimes ahead of you...hang in there

 

xoxo

robin

[HeartAche]

heartache, i'd contact you for a date if lived in the same country! even though i AM an old woman!! hehehee..

however, i WILL take you up on the IM thing if you dont mind!?!? but get ready cuz you may log on to find about 100 emails from me sometimes! i am a mess when i get depressed!! hehhe... you just dont know what youre gettin into here!

 

Robin,

 

image removed I'd love to go on a date with you - damn that atlantic ocean! And wouldn't class 35 as old - my original online dating profile said I was looking for women between 27 and 35 but everyone over 30 who contacted me looked about 45+!! So I had to drop it down to 32. You, on the other hand, certainly don't look 35, I'd have said late 20's if I had to guess.

 

As for the IM thing, definitely and don't worry about 100 emails - I work in I.T. so I could with something to read during the day!

 

Hope you're feeling better today, take care and make sure you look after yourself.