Cheated on girlfriend

[ssteve]

Hey there, firstly let me introduce myself. I'm a young 18 year old guy. I've been madly in love with my girlfriend for just over a year. Things have been going up and down recently, but we've always got on well.

 

Here's the scenario, my parents go away on holiday so I decide to have a houseparty. All my friends were there and also my best friend called Ashley (whom my girlfriend hates). Ashley is a great girl and I can talk to her about practically anything and she is totally cool with it, although coming accross a little dirty at times.

 

My girlfriend then calls me an hour into the party and tells me she wants to break up, so naturally I was upset and I just wanted to have a good night, so I just agreed to it and hung up on her. As the night progressed and the more alcohol i drank, I don't know what happened.. but I ended up sleeping with my best friend I can't remember much about the record of events, but I can just remember that my condom had slipped off.

 

The next morning, I receive a call from my friend telling me how she felt so awkward being friends with me now and things should never have happened the previous night. She has been very distant from me and I feel so guilty.

 

My girl has now told me she only said that to make me get my act together and "treat her right" and she still wants to be with me.

 

What shall I do? I think the guilt will pass over time, but I am sure what happened wont leave my friend and I. And also, should I get tested for any sti's? Shall I tell my girlfriend?

 

Thanks alot for your time and your advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

Ste

[HellFrost666]

Well firstly, your girlfriend shouldn't have said that if she didn't mean it. The way I see it you didn't cheat, you were broken up. If she would just say that to make you "get your act together" are you sure you want to be with her in the first place? That seems like a pretty manipulative thing to do.

 

I wouldn't worry about your friend either. The guilt will pass.

 

Good Luck.

[Marianne]

im sorry wot has happened. drinking makes you do things when ur drunk my best advice is to be honest and tell her , my next question is why did she want to break up with you ????wot is she hiding

[shorty20]

yes, get tested... now, if it were me, I'd have to tell my bf if I slept with someone else. You technically didn't cheat on your gf because she called and broke up with you... doing that to make you "streighten your act up" is immature. But why wasn't she at the party with you? If my bf had a party and had other girls there but didn't invite me that would make me pretty upset. All in all, it's all about what your conscionse can deal with... you technically didn't "cheat" on her, but if she finds out from someone else rather then hearing it from you it'll make things alot worse. But get tested right away before you have sex with your gf... the last thing you would want to do would be to give something to your gf... and make sure your friend is ok... if the condom slipped make sure she isn't pregnant...

[Seko]

I think the safest thing to do would always be to get tested for STIs...but it's your best friend. If you think she would have told you about her having any, it's probably not hugely important to rush to the doctor.

 

As for telling your girlfriend....if she broke up with you to get you to "treat her right", she obviously sees some problems in your behavior. At this point, I don't think telling your girlfriend that you slept with another girl the other night is going to help matters. It's really up to you whether you want to tell her, but you need to consider the consequences. Do you think this might cause her to break up with you for good? Even though she was technically broken up with you at the time when you slept with this other girl, she is still going to be hurt and angry. To top that off, she probably won't ever trust you around your best friend again once she finds out.

 

Honesty is often a good policy, and I think you should *definitely* tell your girlfriend right away if you think she might find out from another source. It's best to let her know yourself, before she discovers it on her own.

However, there are some things that might...seem worse immediately after the matter. Perhaps you want to give it some time before telling her?

[Tigris]

I don't think there's any reason why you should tell your girlfriend. It was her who broke up with you. She was the one playing games!

 

If you admit to sleeping with someone as soon as you did she will be upset because you did it so quickly. She will also think you don't care enough for her.

 

I think your main priorities are being tested for std's and making sure your friend gets the Morning After Pill.

[heloladies21]

First of all you should lay into your gf for trying to manipulate you. But even though I'm not crazy about labels on relationships, she is the one who broke up with you so you didn't cheat on anybody. Go get tested to make sure, don't tell your gf about it, and the situation between you and your friend will just have to play out.

[ssteve]

Thanks so much for your quick replies, what I shall do is arrange an appointment at a clinic and just try to sort out things with my friend. If she seems ok about still being friends and I can 100% trust her to keep it to us, I will just chance my luck and keep it to myself.

 

My girlfriend is a very emotional person, she suffers with a problem mentally, although I am not too sure what - it confuses me so much as she sees everything from a completely different perspective as I do.

 

The thing is, I treat her like a princess, I take her out all the time, show her more love than any other person can show anyone. I spend every last penny on her, I show her as much TLC as possible. And obviously by her saying she wanted me to "treat her right" hurt me a great deal.

 

Your advice has been such a great help so far, it is greatly appreciated. I am going to start coming on this website and reading/posting to posts and see if I can offer anybody any advice as of what I have received that can make things more comfortable for others.

 

Many thanks.

[Iceman26]

What guilt? She dumped you and you slept with another girl. No harm done (though you should be more careful with the condoms man)

 

Your girlfriend dumping you to get what she wants is relationship blackmail. I'd tell her to take a hike.

 

I agree with Heloladies, the friendship problem will sort itself out. She sounds cool, maybe you have a future with her. Life works in mysterious ways.

[heloladies21]

The thing is, I treat her like a princess, I take her out all the time, show her more love than any other person can show anyone. I spend every last penny on her, I show her as much TLC as possible. And obviously by her saying she wanted me to "treat her right" hurt me a great deal.

This is a common problem I see, the overly nice syndrome. Over time, this can start looking phony to a girl. When was the last time that you got upset with her? Or jealous? Do you set boundaries for her? Because if you don't she's going to push them as far as she can get away with, losing respect for you in the process. She's being honest with you in a way, she wants to be treated differently. So start getting real with her, take her off of that pedestal you put her on, stand up for yourself each and every time she disrespects you, and let her fend for herself a bit. She's a big girl and can make up her own mind, so give her some responsibility.

[ssteve]

Thats the thing heloladies21, these boundaries have been set for some time now. We do have arguments, she does get jealous, as do I and we do have our common problems. I however am sure I am no pushover to her, I make it clear if I am upset.

 

The one thing though, I noticed that if I ignore her for a few days, she comes crawling back to me.

 

Omg.. the ex just turned up at my door an hour ago there, my mind is going from bad to worse...

[heloladies21]

Ok good, as long as you know how to react right to these "tests", you should be fine.

[Royltnxile]

My girl has now told me she only said that to make me get my act together and "treat her right" and she still wants to be with me.

 

What shall I do? I think the guilt will pass over time, but I am sure what happened wont leave my friend and I. And also, should I get tested for any sti's? Shall I tell my girlfriend?

 

Don't tell your g/f anything at all about what happened. It's none of her business. She called you wanting to break up over the phone. You agreed and went about your night. No big deal.

 

Btw...your girlfriend sounds like a real piece of work!

 

My girlfriend is a very emotional person, she suffers with a problem mentally, although I am not too sure what - it confuses me so much as she sees everything from a completely different perspective as I do.

 

The thing is, I treat her like a princess, I take her out all the time, show her more love than any other person can show anyone. I spend every last penny on her, I show her as much TLC as possible. And obviously by her saying she wanted me to "treat her right" hurt me a great deal.

 

 

I would go back and re-read the posts by Heloladies. He makes a great deal of sense.

[Rabican]

you didnt cheat, she broke up with you. If she didnt mean, maybe next time she can learn to be a little smarter before she speaks. Unless you can read minds how did you know you were just dumped. for all you know she broke it off so she could sleep around.

 

yes you should get checked for stds... smart thing to do.

 

If your girl may find out about this, then I would tell her. If you decide not to tell her, then never ever change your mind. Once you dont tell her, itll only cause problems later if she finds out.

I would tell, but thats just me.

 

I broke up with my girl a while back, a couple weeks later slept with someone else... and then later got back with my girl. I told her about the other girl, and she isnt happy about it, but understands that we were not together. I didnt break up so that I could be with someone else, and neither did you. So while it may not be the best thing, it wasnt really a shady, or cheating thing to do.