Feeling Alone...I'm new btw

[Mackenzie]

Hey everyone. Here's the thing. I live with my parents and brother, and a lot of the time we get along great. But I feel so disconnected when it's the four of us together... like it's just me and them instead of us. It's hard to explain, but I get so incredibly angry over little inconsiderate acts and then feel like they don't love me. No matter what I tell myself I always feel worthless or not needed in the family. They don't understand me at all and they think I'm a brat but really I just want them to ask me what's wrong instead of ignoring me. I have a pretty low self esteem and I'm really shy and my mom gets mad when I get shy around new people. There are so many other things but they'd make this post too long. The worst part is, I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to. I have "friends" at school but the truth is they aren't exactly the nicest people in the world, we get along but I can't tell them personal things. People always compliment my mom on how well brought up I am because I barely say a thing, but they have no idea that I feel like I'm dying inside. I always think I suck at everything and that I'm not important in anyone's life. Sorry to babble so much, I don't really know what kind of advice I'm expecting or whatever but I couldn't bottle it up anymore.

[KillTheSilence]

join the club

 

but honestly, try changing your perspective on things. you know you're not looking at things the right way when everything seems hopeless.

 

try imagining what they see and how they would react to it. for example, they see a shy girl. they react by getting angry at you because they can't seem to do anything about it and end up avoiding any way to help because they're not sure what's going on in your head. sometimes things aren't what they seem, though, and you'll get mixed feelings over what could be a sign of pity rather than anger.

 

don't be afraid to explain yourself, cause we need to know more to help you

[Mackenzie]

It's not just the shyness thing, though. I get really stressed out at school and while I used to be an honours student, last year I did horribly because I lacked confidence, or got bored I'm not sure why. My mom pressures me to get into science and while I think I'd like being a doctor I just have this weird fear of having to study like crazy and get better at math and stuff. My brother always criticizes me from the way I dress to the things I say. There are two girls who will be in all my courses this year and they're best friends and I'm scared like crazy that they're going to talk to each other and not me, which is really embarrassing because i go to a small school where there are like six people in a class all around a table with the teacher. I've never been on a date and while I'm fine with guys I just meet them in all the wrong places and I've never been properly asked out by someone who knows me well. Annd I'm scared to graduate this year because I'd have to live by myself and make friends.

I guess I just have problems heh. Sorry, I know I'm not making any point, I just couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to talk to someone, anyone. Maybe I should've posted this under shyness or something.. I didn't know how much I was going to say.

[KillTheSilence]

you seem to be doing just fine to me

 

as for your parents, i've always seen it as this:

adapt to life by keeping an independent state of mind.

 

what that means is that everything around you is influence, not law. my parents want me to go to Texas A&M because it's an extremely nice school (which i agree with), but that's not going to stop me from going ivy league if i get the chance.

 

your parents want you to make the right decisions, but it's only what they think is right, so that's your influence. what they think is right. don't always second guess them, though. they have lived as a teen too and were obviously brought up well, considering how far you've gotten in life without more trouble than this.

 

i'd love to help you on how your brother is critisizing you, but i'm having troubles with that too. you should check out my post under emotions and feelings called "Boxing it all in...(long)". it's very long, but it provides insight on how to deal with your family sometimes (for me, atleast).

[Mackenzie]

I did read your post; it made me feel better just being able to relate. Thank you and thanks for just talking with me. I posted about myself because I blew up at my parents this evening over something I shouldn't have taken so seriously and they've gone to bed mad at me. It's so easy to forget that it's not important when you're living the moment. I was so mad that my face was on fire and I felt nauseous. There are rare occasions when I get violent, though not out of control, I might just toss something at my brother. At school I'm known for being sweet-tempered and easy to get along with, and I have no clue what's wrong with me at home but my parents don't look into it. People have told me that I'm mature for my age- I do feel older when I'm around people at school, but at home I feel like an immature baby and I can't figure it out. Whatever, I'm sure I'll feel better when I'm on my own next year. Thanks for reading

[KillTheSilence]

it is nice to relate to someone every now and then...

 

saved me from myself once

 

i was once called mature for my age at my school. i dunno if it's cause i'm 6'4", which is tall for my age and makes me look older than i really am, or if it's cause i seemed calm on the surface when things were crazy on the outside compared to what it's usually like.

 

i'm different at home (as you have read), but i only feel like i'm separate. it's kind of like being a commercial on tv...not always what you want too see when you're watching a good show, but there nonetheless