Am I being retarded or...?

[Siriana]

I think it is non of her bussiness to talk to you or telling you what to do.

Next time answer just whit: I appreciate your concern for your sister and I respect that. I have to do the things that are best for me, so I hope you will understand my need to distance myself from this situation.

 

How rude of her. And childish. It is something that complete morons do. My sister would literaly kill me if i started to interfere in her situations whit exes.

[justanotherniceguy]

The ex called me last night after I ignored her 5 calls throughout the weekend. This time she was crying telling me how much she misses me and how things are not working out with the new guy. She said she does not feel the emotional connection with him as she did with me. Then I told her that she is using me for an emotional outlet and him for the physical side. She said they have not had sex or done anything further. She said that they have been friends for 10 years but she still sees him as a friend and that being with him is too weird. She asked if things could ever be normal between us and I told her no. She then replied that she should not of rush into a relationship with him or anyone and took time off. She is seriously thinking of breaking up with him but is afraid that he will never talk to her again. I told her she seriously needs to think about what she wants because she cannot have both guys where she said she would chose me. And I told her I was not willing to take her back not right now...and perhaps ever.

[Beec]

OK, I know you wanted her back, and now you are at the other end of things, saying perhaps you will never take her back. You may feel that way, but I don't think that is the best stance for you long term. Your feelings have changed and may change again. It happens.

 

That said, why would they change? I see only one reason, she shows herself to be a real woman, one capable of making some sacrifice longterm for the relationship. She clearly has not done so and might need to jump through figurative hoops of fire to show she can. You will need to decide when and if you have enough proof of her being faithful, etc. to allow her back in.

 

My comment is to maybe, not right now, but soon, slightly soften that, and let her know that you will need some things to make you feel secure, if you wille ver get bck together, but what those things are you don't know yet. She did this, and she is going to need to live with the consequences. If nothing else, maybe she grows up.

[Siriana]

She's manipulating.

[justanotherniceguy]

I will give this a few days to mull over and will report back. Basically she said she does not like the new guy as much as he likes her. And she misses me. But not sure if she is ready to get back together with me (so do I feel the same way). She said all signs point to her breaking up with him but she is afraid if she does so that he will never talk to her again. I told her that she did that to me but I still talk to her even though it is on a limited basis. If he would drop her like that then he never really cared for her as she thought or as he said. She even called me this morning, telling me she was sorry to say she missed me then continued to bash him then said she was sorry that she was bashing him so much. I can totally tell she is way confused and needs to figure things out.

[justanotherniceguy]

Now what??

 

She called and left a message late last night crying that she broke up with her new man and needs to talk to me...we have not talked for 4 days now...hmm

[Beec]

Well, you have seemingly forced her to choose, at least that how she appears to have taken it, and she picked you betweent he two of them. What do you want? Still want her, then you need to talk to her SOON. Ignore her for long, and she will explode emotionally.

 

What do you talk to her about? Well, you cannot jsut jump back in where you were. Won't work. You can only really back up and kind of start over again. You can recognize that the LDR is tough, I mean she did what she did probably as an effort to fulfill wants and needs that she felt were not being met, and she did not realize when doing in that she was sacrificing something she seems to want more now, when forced to choose. But your big sticking point is that you don't trust her entirely anymore. You don't trust that she will sacrifice things for you and the relationship. So, you will need to see that over time. You need to take some steps backward, when you do, address the issues on how you got there, talk about it once, then not again if possible. And begin again at some point as if it is earlier in the relationship.

[Allie.]

aww you're a sweet boy [=

[Siriana]

Hm, she cries about it?I don't like it. How about calming down and than calling?

Well send her a message you're going to be home again at a certain hour and that you'll call her. For example today at 3 pm. Choose a time that you know for her is possible to be at home. Than call her and if she's not at home you know how it important it really was.

Just ask her what did you want to talk about?

And let her do all the talk. That way she will be forced to say something meaningfull. And if you don't hear something definite, constructive that has no maybe, if, when in it....than say it was nice talking to you, but I think we should stay NC. Do you have a mother?or a best friend? You can cry to them.

I really doubt it that she is all clear now, thinking straight, having your best interest at her heart.