Dealing with threats

[SarahRose]

I was married many years to an abusive manipulative man. We have been divorced several years. It was nice not having to have to cow tow to him but recently he has taken to bullying and threatening me by taking me to court over frivalous things. Like he wants me to take the family cat and if I don't he says he will take me to court over the damage the cat has caused to his furniture.

 

I am trying to move out of the country and he is using court to try to stop me. If I have to go to court because of him all the time there is no way I can leave because I couldn't afford to keep flying back.

 

He delayed my plans by 6 months taking me to court over $150 back child support. He lied to the court telling them I just disappeared which is ridiculous as everyone knew where I was and talked to me on the phone a lot. Yes he has physical custody of the 17 year old and when I left the marriage, I literally left with my clothes and my car. I got nothing.

 

I know that in one year our 17 year old will be an adult but I am wanting to move before then. I don't have money for an attorney. That would delay my move even more because of the expense.

 

My strategy right now is to put up with his bullying and abuse and not breathe a word to anyone about my move.

 

He has not dated since I left and wished he would find someone else as I bet he would leave me alone.

 

Anyone have any other suggestions?

I am not sure what he is going to try to pull now as the child support is paid up in full.

[avman]

I am a little confused - isn't the divorce final? If it is, then there is really no hold over you as far as a court is concerned. The matter is settled and you are free to do as you please as long as you abide by whatever the settlement agreement is.

 

I'm not sure how you could simply disappear without telling anyone though. What about your child?

[SarahRose]

Thanks avman. Yes the divorce has been final for several years. He took me back to court over child support. Even though I pay, he could take me back for more support just to keep me here. Now he is threatening me about the cat. That is how.

 

The kids know I am moving. I have just kept the exact date quiet as not to tip off the ex. No, I'm not going to just up and leave without telling anyone. I am fearful the ex would attempt to prevent my visa being approved or something.

[avman]

Well there isn't anything he can do. If you had custody, that would be different. He could indeed prevent you from leaving the country in order to protect his visitation privileges. But if you are the non-custodial parent, then he can't stop you.

 

Even if he does file something in court later, there are ways to get things moved or dismissed. Child support might be tricky though. If he files a motion just to harass you, you can always have your attorney file a motion that forces him to pay your attorney fees due to bad faith. As any attorney will tell you, for every move there is a counter-move. So don't let that possibility affect your decision.

 

Do what you feel is in the best interest of you and the children.

[coollady1957]

I agree with avman, that if your divorce is final , and the child support issues are cleared up, then there is not much he can do to keep you from doing what you want.

 

You say you have been divorced for several years. So how long have you been apart and officially final on the divorce how long is several years?

 

You mentioned the family cat above. Were you suppose to take the cat in the divorce settlement ? If he has had the cat all this time with him and there was no agreement for YOU to take the cat, I can't see how he can take you to court over damages to his furniture.

 

If you two are parted, there is no reason you should have to put up with any bullying or pressures from him.

 

Additoinal note: I know this is not totally related to the problem you have posted about just now, but I still wanted to say.............

I think if I remember right you are wanting to move or be with your BF from another country, of which I remember some doubts and problems there. I would hope you get those issues in order as well before you moved off to another country for this BF.

[SarahRose]

Divorce has been final 2 years 7 months.

 

There is nothing about the cat in the settlement.

 

If he files some petition for court, I do have to show up don't I? I don't have an attorney. I can't afford one.

 

The ex seems to think that because I was found in contempt of court over the $150, he can hold that over my head and threaten me with court to bully me. The judge seemed to believe his story about me supposedly leaving the country to avoid paying child support hense the 6 months sort of probation imposed on me to "prevent any immigration issues" as the judge put it.

 

As for me moving, I am moving on my own and plan to live on my own when I get there. If the bf and I work out, fine; if not fine too as I really like it there.

[melrich]

I agree with the others. He should not be able to do anything to stop you should you choose to move.

[DN]

Given the court decision in the past I think you may be advised to seek some sort of legal advice. Many lawyers will give a free consultation or there may be free clinics that would help. Look in the Yellow Pages or do an online search. I will help you do the online search if you need it - just pm me the ciy in which you live. (Not your full address).

[avman]

The ex seems to think that because I was found in contempt of court over the $150, he can hold that over my head and threaten me with court to bully me.

 

If the contempt charge is settled and you have paid what you owe, then that matter is done. There should be no reason he can hold it over your head. If has not been dismissed, well then you'll have to get it resolved.

 

If he files some petition for court, I do have to show up don't I? I don't have an attorney. I can't afford one.

 

Not necessarily. Depending on the matter you may be able to get it moved, or have it completely dismissed without showing up. And like I said before, you can try to have your attorney file to get him to pay your attorney fees. Or if you are leaving the country and you don't plan on returning, you could always simply default the case and not bother with it. They can't enforce a judgement on you once you leave the country.

[Beyondthesea]

He's an abuser and using this to keep you under his thumb. You owe him nothing, move at your will.