...none so blind

[geek_grl]

This is really long and I apologise but I'm kinda confused over something and my reactions to the situation I'm in so if anyone has any helpful insights it would be greatly appreciated.

 

I've been friends with another girl for about 6 months now and the funny (or cool thing) is we are very very close for two people who have really only known each other for a very short period of time. The thing is when we first met we instantly clicked with each other, that is, it wasn't an awkward meeting that usually happens when you meet someone for the first time. After about 10mins of knowing each other, we were joking and teasing each other like we were old friends kinda thing you know? Like we'd known each other for years and years.

 

Anyway, that's not the problem, that was only to describe how such good friends we are with each other. The issue is that she has this idiot of a boyfriend who she really shouldn't be with but she confesses to love and has been in a relationship with for about 3 years now. I actually really don't know what she see's in him because everytime I have to spend time with her and her boyfriend my dislike of him just grows.

 

Let me explain why I don't like him. Her boyfriend is very controlling of her and her time. She doesn't have any other friends really until I came along and she has made comments in the past about ditching her previous friends because of him not liking her friends. She justifies this though by saying that her previous friends were all the druggy drop-out loser types that never had a job etc so it wasn't a bad thing or anything that she dropped them as friends. I don't know if this was true or not because of course I don't know or have met any of her previous friends. But she also makes other justifications for the way he is as well, things like, deep down he's very insecure etc.

 

And it's just not that either...he is just plain unpleasant to be around. He has a very unsocial, unfriendly and even sometimes rude attitude to everyone he meets and always seems like he's in a perpetual bad mood. He even confesses himself to be a total and makes no apologies about it, which I suppose wouldn't bother me if only for the fact that he's also very rude and unfriendly in the way he talks and treats her as well. He never talks to her nicely, is always putting her down (not in a blunt you're really stupid kind of way) but subtlely, like if she has an opinion about something he will ridicule her opinions and won't give up until she agrees to his opinions and is very condescending to her in his attitude, like he's better than her or something.

 

My friend is the total opposite of him however. She's friendly, outgoing, talks to everyone she meets and is just plain nice. I once asked her what she saw in him and she replied that he may be an but she loves him and he's worth it...or something to that effect.

 

We very rarely all hang out together because I really, really hate it when I see the way he treats her. I really respect her as a person and would never do anything to cause her hurt, like trying to break up her relationship etc which is way I don't talk about her boyfriend to her at all or even give her any opinions about what I think of their relationship.

 

But...this is where my confusion comes in. I think (I'm not too sure because I'm still trying to get over someone at the moment who's just left my life...this was in a previous post) that I may be developing feelings for her.

 

When we first became friends I had no romantic interest in her whatsoever and even told her that right from the beginning of our friendship in case she thought I was trying to come on to her via our friendship...all I wanted at that time was just to be her friend because I enjoyed her company. Now however I'm not so sure...I've started to think about her more and more and get twinges of jealousy when she talks to other people or doesn't spend as much time with me. I don't know whether this is a natural progression of friendship when two people are very close together?

 

Sorry for the looooooong rambling but I had to get the details correct because I really want input into what's going on here. So here are my questions:

 

1.Am I disliking the boyfriend (even more) because I'm developing feelings for her and is feeling jealous of him and his time with her?

2. Should I let her know how much I dislike her boyfriend and the way he treats her and that she can do way better than him?

3. And if I choose 2 and do tell her what I think, do you guys think that it's because I have a hidden agenda of my own? ( I don't think I do)

4. Do I really have a right to say anything at all when I've only known her for 6 months whereas she's been in a relationship with him for 3 years?

5. Should I just not say anything and leave things as they are...I mean she has put up with him for so long already?

 

The only reason I feel compelled to say something is because I honestly just want to see him treat her better or else be in a relationship with someone that will recognise and see all the cool and wonderful things about her. It's not that I want her for myself...I would prefer our relationship to remain the way it is now, just very very good friends with each other because that's what I need right now.

 

I know if they were to break up any time soon her boyfriend will blame me for the break up. He is very jealous of the time she spends with me and doesn't like it. The reason I know this is becasue she's admitted to me that he feels threatened by me and our friendship with each other. I've even stopped spending so much time with her now because I don't want to be the cause of even more issues for her.

 

Again, apologies it's so long and thanks for hanging in there. Any advice would be really helpful, I just need clarity on what to do. I want to be a good friend but I don't want my actions to be misunderstood for purely selfish reasons either.

[James005]

Q I disliking the boyfriend (even more) because I'm developing feelings for her and is feeling jealous of him and his time with her?

 

A: No, you dislike her boyfriend because you know she can do better and that he is infact a jerk! and anyfriend would have these feelings be it a romantic interest or not, your genuinly conerned for your friend.

 

Q: Should I let her know how much I dislike her boyfriend and the way he treats her and that she can do way better than him?

A: You can bring up your observations that make her question her feeling for her BF. EG: He does one of his sbtle things that puts your friend down so you should ask her a question like He said... I found that insulting what about you if your friend sees it as nothing at all then it is up to your friend to terminate the realtionship, but after a while your questions/observations might make her think about her relationship. Something else that could work tell her you longer want to hang out with her when the BF is present because you don't like his negative attitude that he puts forward to you and other people.

[Tigris]

I would be careful what you say to her because she could think that you're doing it to get rid of him so you can make a move on her. Plus you can't guarantee that she won't tell him. If she does then he could use it to his advantage to convince her to break your friendship.

 

Don't forget 'love is blind'.