To my hurt friends here and everyone....

[Allie.]

Hey everyone, firstly...I am so sorry i haven't been here for my usual online buds...especially redmage22 and jeffreyt. Thats because I'm on vacation in costa rica right now and trust me, there is sooo much to do here. I've been so busyy....but now as for the moving on deal...

 

Firstly, this is a great great great website to come on and move on or at least try to move on. There are soo many people here who are going through the same thing as you. First of all, all the people here who tell you that things will get better are right. When I was stuck in the whole moving on process, I know that people told me "time and seperation" were the only thing that'll help. and that's true...There's no question that breakups can be painful, and that it's difficult to trust and love again. But there are ways to get past the pain. I read these online and I thought they were really helpful....here is some insight for those of you with a broken heart....

 

If you've just had a break-up and are feeling down, you're not alone. Just about everyone experiences a break-up at sometime, and many then have to deal with heartbreak — a wave of grief, anger, confusion, low self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy all at once. Millions of poems and songs have been written about having a broken heart and wars have even been fought because of heartbreak.

 

What Exactly Is Heartbreak?

Lots of things can cause heartbreak. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended before they were ready. Others might have strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend moves out of their life. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same — whether it's the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.

 

How Can I Deal With How I Feel?

Most people will tell you you'll get over it or you'll meet someone else, but when it's happening to you, it can feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same way. If you're experiencing these feelings, there are things you can do to lessen the pain. Here are some tips that might help:

 

Share your feelings. Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust — someone who recognizes what they're going through — helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. If you feel like someone can't relate to what you're going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more sympathetic to talk to. (OK, we know that sharing feelings can be tough for guys, but you don't necessarily have to tell the football team or your wrestling coach what you're going through. Talk with a friend or family member, a teacher, or counselor. It might make you more comfortable if you find a female family member or friend, like an older sister or a neighbor, to talk to).

 

Remember what's good about you. This one is really important. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you.

 

Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get broken too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost.

 

Don't be afraid to cry. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is another tough one for guys, but there's no shame in crying now and then. No one has to see you do it — you don't have to start blubbering in class or at soccer practice or anything. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the shower when you're getting ready for the day.

 

Do the things you normally enjoy. Whether it's seeing a movie or going to a concert, do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while.

 

Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened — working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process — it just means you should focus on other things too.

 

Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks — and sometimes even months.

 

Some people feel that nothing will make them happy again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else. People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to escape from the reality of a loss may think they are numbing their pain, but the feeling is only temporary. They're not really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all their feelings build up inside and prolongs the sadness.

 

Sometimes the sadness is so deep — or lasts so long — that a person may need some extra support. For someone who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful.

 

So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin. Here are some pointers that will help you heal faster and especially help you understand your broken state better.

 

-In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

 

-Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.

 

-Don't start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first.

 

-Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.

 

-Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won't move on until you've accepted that the relationship is over.

 

-Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like "nightmare," "terrible," and "horrible," you're bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do.

 

-Sometimes you can't get over being hurt until you know you've been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.

 

-Don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.

 

-Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there's a risk. Don't let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing.

 

Always.

Allie.

 

P/S~ I am so sorry that i'm not here for those of you who were here for me at my time of pain. i'm on vacation here and i have so much to do and internet access is a pain. hahaha. if you guys need anything, message me, and i'll try to help the best i can.

[notanymore]

thnx so much allie,enjoy ur vacation.take care

[ArchToronto]

thanks ur comments are great

[mikeca]

I enjoyed that, thanks

[Orlander]

Awesome thread, thanks!

[Silentlyfor]

Allie, no worries. You've given a lot to me. More than you know. I would like to say you are one of the crucial sources I drew from here that pulled me from a shadowy pit of fire. Trust me, nobody here is going to begrudge you 2 weeks for a some vacation time.

 

Great advice btw. A worthy read(another sticky inmo). EVERYONE that visits this forum should read this.

[The Vitruvian Man]

Thanks for this thread. It really helped me out.