I am ready....butttt.......

[RagedSparrow]

Well, i have decided personally that i want to spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend. We have been dating for 1 1/2 years and I couldn't be happier with anyone else. Now, she is only 17 (and me 19) and still in high school (which is why i want to propose to her after she graduates). the excitement is killing me, and i want to ask her tomorrow, but know i should wait and let her finish high school so she can focus on her studies, and not just me. Anyways, I am taking a personal break from college and am going back when she graduates (to the same college as her). When i feel that we will be financially stable is when we will have the marriage. With all that good news, here is where i run into the problem. Me, being a traditional guy, (open doors, pull out chairs kinda guy) I have decided that i would ask her dad for his permission before asking her. Now, i am 6'3 257lbs...not a small guy. Her dad is mayyyybe 5'7 120lbs....but i will be honest he scares the living (rhymes-with-schmit) out of me. I can't get aroudn the feeling that he will say no....what do you guys (and gals) think?

[RagedSparrow]

Sorry, i posted this in the wrong section, it was meant for the marriage section.

[PRSOV]

While I would imagine most fathers would be honoured that you are being respectful of him and asking for his permission, What do you think his thoughts will be on his daughter getting married at such a young age?

 

Have you and your girlfriend ever talked about marriage? It is a huge step, and a huge committment... especially at such a young early age, and there is a huge world out there to explore before you fully commit yourself to one person.

 

Well what is the relationship like between you and your possible future in - laws?

[arwen]

I moved your topic to the correct forum. I think you are very young to get married, esp. since your gf isn't even out of hs yet. She's just 17! I'd wait until both of you are in college, life changes a LOT in college. I am curious why you are scared of her father? Do you have a good connection with her family? I think that you have very sweet ideas about all of this (asking her dad and all), but you need to wait until both of you are older I think.

 

Ilse

[RayKay]

It sounds like you love her a great deal, and want to do this the right way but honestly...I think the right way is to wait until you are either in college, or even better..done.

 

I know it seems you know now you want to be with her forever..and maybe that is case but then there is no reason to rush either, as you have a lot of time, right? She is 17, and she may not know herself yet what she wants with her life and future. She may think so...but...I mean she started dating you at what, 15? All she basically knows is you at this point too, and she is all you know. Now that is fine in itself, but you have to both know yourselves more too.

 

Marriage is a HUGE deal. It is about more than a lifetime sleepover. And you need to make sure you are both sharing compatible goals, dreams, values. I would hate to see you get married, her decide since she is married she won't go to college, and then in a few years, she realizes she is unhappy for example and leaves. Or any other scenario.

 

Marriage is hard work, and I think you both need to be well grounded, and prepared for that first. And at 19 and 17....I know it seems you are, but you do have a lot of growing to do yet. And until you are ready to get married - emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally - I don't think getting engaged is the right thing to do either.

 

Just because you don't get married right away does not mean you will not be together to do so later. One member here met her sweetheart when she was 16, they got married years later after they were done college and are still together.

 

And if you are scared of asking her father, I would also suggest that it's probably a good sign that right now is not the right time to be asking her. Marriage is also about bringing the families together, and about being able to show her family, and her, that you are ready for the commitment. If you cannot ask her dad, maybe it is not the time?

[Beec]

I think you need to wait some time, right at graduation is not the moment to do it.

 

But there is nothing to be scared of. But you should also consider having answers to when you will get married. I would suggest that when you ask, you be ready to deal with a rather long engagement.

 

And life does really change when you leave college and begin working. People change then too.

[RagedSparrow]

For everyone who is saying that she is too young, you carry a very good point, but i didn't want to marry her while she was 17. She turns 18 in 3 weeks and i do not plan on actually marrying her until we are well into college, it's just... I want everyone to know that even though I am waiting a little bit, i AM gonna marry her...see what i'm saying? I went to college when i was 17 and have a year under my belt already, I partied, dated a few other girls, but nothing (and noone else for that fact) has ever made me feel quite like she does. Now, I don't plan on actually asking her until a couple months after she graduates if that helps any, she'll be almost 19 and hopefully willing to take that step with me. As for my fear of her dad, i guess it's not so much a fear of him as much as a fear of not getting his permission. I don't want him to feel i am taking his little girl away from him and he say no, see what i'm trying to say....anyways, i hope this clarafies this some.

[Beec]

Well, in any case, you are a year away from asking.

 

I would speak with her about it before you ever talk to him, and I would do it in a round-about manner. If she is not ready, there is no point in asking. I'd also be prepared to accept a long engagement period. Frankly, I would be surprised at her family accepting you as getitng married prior to your junior years, which may give you enough time to graduate. Once you make up your mind when to ask, you'll need to just ask him.

[anydaynow]

You are both young, but people do what they want to do, so if you want to ask her to marry you, do it!

 

But before you do... have you guys talked about marriage? It would be even worse if dear dad said yes and she said no.

 

Ask her what her dad thinks of you. I think my dad believes it is his duty in life to frighten the crap out of his 3 daughters' boyfriends. Seriously, my boyfriend and now brother-in-law have bonded over their fear of him. And my 17 y/o little sister has a boyfriend who is also deathly afraid of my dad. He might actually like you, think you are a good guy, realize that you make his daughter happy. My older sister verified all this for me, and I passed the info on to my boyfriend. He's still afraid, but that's another story. My mom and the rest of my family love him. They might like him more than me, ha ha!

 

Maybe you can explain to him that you know you are both young, but you also know you want to marry her. So why wait on the asking? If you are okay with a long engagement, tell him it will be a long engagement. Planning a wedding, depending on the couple, can seriously take over your life. Not a good thing if it means putting studies on the back burner.

 

If dad nixes the idea, try to take it in stride. The time will come. One of my closest friends married her high school sweetheart. They met at 15 & 16, and the married at 23 & 24 or so. This is after having spent several years apart at different colleges and an additional couple years apart for his religious duties. He actually struggled with her mom's acceptance, and still does, I believe. But everyone is civil, and the couple is happy. They celebrated their 3rd anniversary recently.

[RagedSparrow]

I want to post an update on this. I realize how long ago I posted this and how much I felt that I was in love. My realization now is that I felt nothing compared to how I feel about her right now. I am with the same woman still. We have been together for 5 1/2 years now. I asked her to marry me on April 3, 2010. I did ask her father and mother for their blessing prior to my proposal. I will be finishing my AS in Computer Programming this Spring and she will actually be finishing her BS in Business Administration with a minor in management the following fall. We plan on getting married April 14 2012. I couldn't be happier and am so happy for the life we've grown together. We've spent the last 3 years at separate colleges and I feel that it's brought us closer in our relationship. Anyway, I was just looking at my prior posts and stumbled upon this and wanted to conclude it. Thank you all for your advice those few years ago.

[VixiT]

well. that's done

[Circe]

Wow - congratulations..! I'm very happy for you