Her Birthday is Sunday (8/6) - What should I do?

[2001Acura]

So I've been seeing this woman since April steadily. The first week of June '06 her father (whom she lived with) passed away unexpectedly. Completely unexpectedly. Btw, she had a really close relationship with her father and since her parents were divorced, she doesn't have much of a relationship with her mother. We continued to see each other and I tried to be supportive as she begins to grieve and work through the emotional trauma of losing THE most important person in her life.

We'll, everything is going fine and she seems like she's doing well, them BAM! She stops calling me, won't see me and says the loss of her father has her so emotionally confused, she can't think straight.

I pretty much went NC and 9 days later as fast as she disappeared, she reappeared, sending me txt messages and doing everything she could to get in touch with me.

So we agree to begin working things back out last Wed. and five days later (Sunday night), she pulls it on me again, though at least she talked to me about it, before she did the Whodini(sp?) act. She says she needs time to try and sort through her emotions and get her life straight.

Now, since Sunday, she's called four times, including once Monday AM, twice yesterday and once this morning. I answered all but today. Now I'm going back to NC!

A couple questions for ya'll!

1. She left some clothes and other things at my house, including her tooth brush on my bathroom sink. She removed everything else from the sink that belonged to her, but she leaves this for me to stare at everyday? What the hell ya'll?

2. Her birthday is Sunday (8/6)! Originally we were gonna go on a trip to help get her mind off her dad, siince this would be her first birhday w/o him, now it appears I'm going by myself. With the major change in her life, I feel like I need to do something for her birthday, but I'm not sure what to do.

Your advice is appreciated!

[DN]

I would send her stuff back to her and remain in no contact. If she contacts you then tell her that you are prepared to try to get the relationship back on track but not have it shunted around the yard. If she wants to try then go ahead but unless she is sure about wanting to then I would let her go.

 

I understand she is mourning her father but that is no reason to play ducks and drakes with your feelings.

[coollady1957]

I agree with DN here. I don't thing there is much I can add at this point.

[heloladies21]

Take her stuff, but it in a bag or a box, and stick it in a closet.

 

Now what to do about her calls? The next time she calls, I'd skip the small talk and get right to the point and ask her what's her purpose in keeping in touch. If she says anything other than wanting to get back together, tell her you're not interested and only to contact you once she has things figured out 100%. Because you don't want her if she only kind of wants to come back, otherwise this kind of situation will just creep back up again.

 

If she says she wants back in, ask her what changed her mind, what was her confusion all about. Tell her that her indecision has put a lot of doubt in your mind as to how she'll react when she gets slightly confused.

 

You're not a toy she can just pick up and play with at her leisure. You only want this if she's for real. Make her understand this. And don't worry about her b-day. The only way she gets the benefits of having you as a bf is if she's in a relationship with you.

[annie24]

ducks and drakes???

 

I agree with DN, apart from not knowing what that phrase means Box up her stuff, mail it all to her.

 

If she just told you:

 

She says she needs time to try and sort through her emotions and get her life straight.

 

then I think that means that you aren't to take her out for her birthday. (or do anything else either!)

[Orlander]

Everyone loses a loved one and everyone has to deal with the pain. Instead of leaning on you for support she decided to ignore you, without explaining herself, not once but twice??

 

I think its an important fact here that she decided she would rather duck and run than confront you about her feelings and make you a part of her life while she deals with this pain. I think you deserve better.

 

 

Orlander