Cheated on my GF...

[hammy]

I am in love with my girl friend and we have had this relationship for over three years now. But there is a big problem which gets me worried terribly. I dont seem to have any control on myself when it comes to other women. I was away traveling in Europe last year where i happened to meet my ex-gf. We spent an evening together at her place and eventually i went to sleep with her. We didnt do much, but still we were physically very intimate and i couldnt control myself at all.

 

I also have had a friend i met on the internet about 5 years ago, and i know she likes me a lot. A few weeks back she was visiting my city and i happened to visit her at her hotel room. I was feeling uncomfortable meeting her because i love my gf very much and i knew she wouldnt like my meeting someone like this at a hotel room. She said she missed me, hugged me and kissed me once. I dont know what came over me, but i just forgot everything else and lost all control. But after a few mins i realized what i was doing and immediately left the room.

 

These incidents have happened in the last year while i have been dating my gf and we have had a great relationship physically. Thats why it worries me so much. I dont know if i should ever tell her this. I feel very guilty about what happened, but at times i still fancy having sex with them.

 

Does this mean i can never be faithful to my gf. Should i tell her or try to forget what happened and move on? Please help.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

So did you actually have sex or sexual relations with these other two women, or not?

 

You need to stop putting yourself in compromising situations. You do seem to have a problem with self control and if things go too far, it's not fair to your gf.

[xprincessbugx]

I think you should tell her but only because I think she has the right to know what you've been doing. You know she wouldn't like you doing those things but you do it anyways. You say you have no control so don't make yourself vunerable to those situations. You knew you were going to meet that girl in a hotel room and you know that you have trouble "controlling yourself" so why would you do it? If you had any respect for your girlfriend you would think these things through before just doing them.

[hammy]

I spent just one evening with each one of them and i did get physical with them, but stopped half way because i suddenly felt guilty about the whole thing. i know i was not being fair to my gf, but i still went and visited them, even after i could almost guess what was going to happen. I seem to have put myself in these situations being aware of everything. Maybe something in me even wanted that to happen, but i still love my gf. How can this be possible?

[rms8]

I agree that if you know this is a weakness of yours, you will avoid any situations where these kinds of thing could happen. If you really love your girlfriend you need to learn better self control. I'm sorry but I don't really understand the "I didn't know what I was doing" excuse for cheating unless it involves being passed out drunk. If you don't want to cheat, then don't.

[Sinead]

Hi Hammy

 

It baffles me. I reckon you need to really ask yourself are you really in love with her as you claim because if you were you wouldnt cheat on your gf. I'l be honest I have cheated in the past but I was certainly not 'in love' with the person. My last boyfriend - ex unfortunately I have not cheated on him once in the four years i was with him because I was totally in love with him... and still am... sigh.

 

Anyway what im saying is if you feel you need to cheat then it might be saying something about your rels at present.

 

"Does this mean i can never be faithful to my gf. Should i tell her or try to forget what happened and move on?"

 

Well the answer to that is, you havent been faithful so far.

 

As far as telling her, i feel you should because if you are caught out (and the majority of the times cheaters are caught out after a while) it will be a lot worse. It will be infidelity PLUS dishonesty.

 

Tell her and say you made a mistake and you love her so much and that you made a huge mistake and it wont happen again.

 

....and it WONT happen again... hope this helps

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I spent just one evening with each one of them and i did get physical with them, but stopped half way because i suddenly felt guilty about the whole thing. i know i was not being fair to my gf, but i still went and visited them, even after i could almost guess what was going to happen. I seem to have put myself in these situations being aware of everything. Maybe something in me even wanted that to happen, but i still love my gf. How can this be possible?

 

By stopping halfway, what do you mean? That you put your penis halfway into their vagina, or had sexual intercourse with them, half as long as you would have preffered to, or what?

[hammy]

i didnt mean that. we didnt even go to the point of taking our clothes off. Something always was telling me to stop and get out of there, and each time, i had to force myself out from there after we got physical

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yes, well it's good you got out before clothes off or anything...but you really must either stop this or tell her you have a problem, it seems like she has a right to know you've been flirting around and making out with other girls...

[thegirl_00]

You can't love her THAT much if your able to do something like that to her and know how painful it would be for her to find out. I feel horrible for your gf. You should tell her what you did. she at least deserves to know the truth.

[thursday]

Yup, you should tell her. Anyway, you are in control of yourself from now on because you realise this is becoming a huge problem!!!

[asianlkp22]

Just think of it this way....put yourself in her shoes.......would you want her to do that to you????

 

You are wrong for doing what you did. Yes, you say you love her....if you love someone, you do not allow yourself to be free and express feelings toward other females whether it's physical or not.

 

You keep putting yourself into situations like that, if you know how you are in incapable of composing yourself when it comes to women, just simply keep your distance.

 

You have a problem, and there is help out there......SEX ANONYMOUS....may sound funny, but there are some out there and will help.

[puppeteer]

yes...we all feel it...yes we all love the electricity of something new....

 

but saying that you just can't stop yourself from fooling around with other women is, um...well...stupid.

 

let's practice a little thing called SELF CONTROL...all us grown ups should have that ability...and if you don't...then it's best to tell your GF the truth and deal with the consequences of your actions.

 

but blaming it on "i just can't help myself" is neither mature or a good excuse.

 

she deserves to be treated better. if you can't do that for her...then let her find someone who can.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

OOOOOO you could be me typing that.

 

This current relationship I have, almost 10 months in duration, is my longest and most faithful to date. I used to have a serious problem - I'd date someone for a couple of months, cheat on them, then eventually confess out of guilt, and end it. Basically - I know what having problems with control, or lack of, is like.

 

Then, two things happened:

 

1) I met my boyfriend and realised that when I truly love someone, I just don't have that same urge to cheat on them. Sounds simple, but it took me at least 2 years to figure it out. I just hadn't met someone I was into enough to bother to be faithful to.

2) I realised WHY I was such a cheat. The answer was - insecurity. I saw cheating as a perverse kind of insurance - I was so convinced I was hideous and on the verge of being dumped that I saw cheating as a kind of "trump card" I could keep for a special occasion when they would inevitably hurt me.

 

Of course, I never needed it and simply ended up engaging in a number of hurtful "pre-emptive strikes".

 

Look at your self-esteem, if it's anything like mine it's in poor shape, not so much an issue of self-control when you dig deep enough.