My Girlfriend may be Gay

[guy0221]

Hi all,

 

I am in a very messed up relationship right now. My girlfriend of over a year was studying abroad and became very good friends with another girl who happened to be gay. I was fine with this relationship even as I saw it grow from afar. I trusted that my gf had no feelings of love for her.

 

Apparently, 1 week before my gf was to come home...the friend professed her love for her and kissed her. This greatly confused my gf and led to our eventual breakup/time apart. I talked to her last night for the first time in 2 weeks and she said she still loves me but is unsure what her relationship with the other girl means. They have not been intimant but they do talk about the possibility of my gf having true feelings beyond friendship.

 

I am currently kind of just waiting for my gf to figure out what she wants. I'm trying to understand what she is going through and how she might know if she could be gay.

 

Can anyone relate??? Thanks.

[Cadence308]

Sorry this happened to you. I can only relate to what your gf may be feeling in terms of having feelings for another woman. I joined this site in Aug. 2004 because I was confused about my feelings for another woman. The last few years I have been exploring my feelings for women. All I can say is that it is really hard to come to terms with feelings for someone of the same sex. It is definitely a coming out process. Sexuality is not black or white. It lies on a continuum with most people somewhere in the middle even though most would never admit it.

 

You should watch the movie, "Kinsey." It is about Alfred Kinsey, a biologist who studied sex in the 1950s and changed people's perceptions about sex. It came out a few years ago, so you should be able to rent it or buy it at a videostore. My therapist recommended it to me to help me think about my sexuality. I think it could help you understand where your gf is coming from.

 

Keep us posted!

[guy0221]

She says that she is still unsure if she really has feelings for this girl or not. It's killing me to wait it out as I truly believe that she is just confused by the fact that the other girl fell in love with her.

I think she has issues with hurting the girl too.

 

Meanwhile, I'm stuck in limbo.

[FoxLocke]

This is what sucks about being confused about your sexuality. Someone else will be hurt in the process...

 

It is VERY possible that your girlfriend is lesbian or bisexual. Believe me when I tell you that she truly cares about you...She really does. However, her sexuality is her sexuality. It is an intrinsic part of her that she can't alter or adapt.

Unfortunately, you maybe having to learn that the hard way.

 

When I was confused about my orientation I had girlfriends too. None of the relationships worked because I knew, deep down, that I preferred the same sex. Yes, I cared about all of them, but not in the way I could care for and love my own gender...

 

I am not saying that your girlfriend is emphatically gay...But it seems like she is dealing with somethings. My advice would be a little time apart. This is a transition period for her. And it is one for you also. I just want to let you know that if, for whatever reason, she comes out as lesbian please don't believe that she was using you to perpetuate a facade...Chances are she wasn't(or isn't)...

[guy0221]

I'm trying real hard to understand what she is going through.

 

Has anyone ever fallen in love with a same sex friend of theirs who had not ever had gay feelings before? If so, what was their reaction?

 

Also, if she really is bi-sexual, would she not have been attracted to women before?

 

I just think that her confusion is a by-product of the fact that her lesbian friend fell in love with her first.

 

Trying to understand.

 

I just want to let you know that if, for whatever reason, she comes out as lesbian please don't believe that she was using you to perpetuate a facade...Chances are she wasn't(or isn't)...

 

 

Fox - I assure you I will never think she was using me. Thanks.

[Tigris]

Some people are attracted to individuals, that doesn't mean they're bi or gay. It means they have no preference.

[Tigris]

Last year I realised I'd been a lesbian in denial for 30 years!

 

My 1st marriage lasted 5 years and my 2nd 14 years. I'm now engaged to the most wonderful woman in the world. This is the first time I've been able to love my body.

 

I can now feel comfortable in whatever I want to wear e.g. man's evening suit, bow tie, etc., and have my hair cut as short as I want without being questioned about it.

 

Unfortunately, my family are still doing that and I hate it!

 

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is torn in two. She loves you but she needs to experience another part of her. Please give her space to find this out or she could end up going through life like me.