why are some women afraid of dating and how can a man

[sarsapolis6]

allay those fears when he talks to her? Not really convince or persuade, but at least he can tell from his perspective that not all experiences can turn out to be bad ones.

 

There is a girl I know right now..she mentioned a bad experience to me about how a guy lost complete interest in her. She kept wondering "WHY did he quit talking to me? WHY WHY WHY?" At the time I didn't know how to console her on this issue.

[annie24]

There could be a million reasons why he stopped talking to her - he met someone new, he got back with an ex, he lost interest in her, for whatever reason Or maybe he just lost "the spark" for her. it happens often.

 

Ask her to think back to a man SHE dumped. Ask her what was going through her head, why she decided to end the relationship. have her try to see things from the other guys' point of view.

 

Just because this one guy rejected her doesn't mean she's worthless. Afterall, even Halle Berry's been dumped! it just means there's someone better for her out there.

 

If she was doing anything "stalkerish" to scare him off, tell her not to do that again.

[shes2smart]

One thing I found very useful to learn/know/believe when I was single and dating was this idea: Very often, people do things for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with you.

 

I think for many of us, our first reaction when someone who once seemed insterested loses interest and disappears, is to blame ourselves -- what did I do (or didn't I do)? what did I say (didn't I say)? -- and so forth. We go over our actions, physical appearance, and personalities with a fine-toothed comb looking for flaws. It can make a person feel really bad about themselves.

 

I don't know if it would help your friend to be reminded of or introduced to the concept that when people do things (like stop calling), they do have their reasons for it....but there's a good chance those reasons have absolutely nothing to do with her or anything about her at all. If she seems to be in a pattern of blaming herself as the cause of other people's unpredictable behavior, it might be useful to remind her that she's fine as she is and some people are just......flaky.

[heloladies21]

Best thing to do when a girl brings up stuff like this is to deflect the conversation into something else. Talking about it is a no win because there's nothing you can say except "I'm sorry", but why would you be sorry for someone else's actions? You're a part of the conversation too, talk about what you want to talk about.

 

I also have a feeling that you're trying to build a connection before you sufficiently attract her. I'm pretty sure that doing things this way is the number one reason why the guy usually ends up hearing "let's just be friends."

[Dating Coach]

allay those fears when he talks to her? Not really convince or persuade, but at least he can tell from his perspective that not all experiences can turn out to be bad ones.

 

There is a girl I know right now..she mentioned a bad experience to me about how a guy lost complete interest in her. She kept wondering "WHY did he quit talking to me? WHY WHY WHY?" At the time I didn't know how to console her on this issue.

 

You shouldn't be playing therapist with a girl and trying to console her. If you are her therapist then she's not likely interested in you. If a girl is interested in you, do you think that she wants you to hear about her drama? No. Do you think she would tell you about other guys and how she is scared of dating? No. If she is doing this then the signs are aligning her her not having a romantic interest in you.

 

If a girl tries to talk to you about drama change the topic to something more fun. If she keeps trying then politely tell her that you aren't good with therapy lessons and that you're the guy to come to when she's looking for a good time.

[annie24]

ddogg brings up a good point - from what I read, I thought you were trying to be her therapist/counselor/older-brother type.

 

If this is a girl you are interested in though, your role isn't to be her older brother. don't play therapist, if you get what I'm saying.

[Dating Coach]

Thanks Annie!

 

Think about it guys. If a girl was really diggin you do you think she would want you to hear about how she acted this way and that with a guy? Do you think she would be telling you about her drama? Do you think she would want to make the impression to you that her life is full of this mess? Or instead do you think that she would want to leave you with the impression that she's fun, exciting, etc? If you find yourself playing therapy and she's spilling out the bad stuff, it's more than likely not because she likes you romantically, it's because she sees you as "safe".

[heloladies21]

If you find yourself playing therapy and she's spilling out the bad stuff, it's more than likely not because she likes you romantically, it's because she sees you as "safe".

 

Of course! And I've also encountered situations where it's a test to see if you have the knowledge to deal with it when she brings up a dead end topic like this. And if you don't pass and fall into her trap, then the default result is "let's just be friends."

[annie24]

It is strange, I've seen men try to do this to me also! when we are on a first date, and they start asking me about my other dating experiences. I always feel so uncomfortable, I want to leave.

 

I don't know what their deal is, but I don't want to discuss other bad dates when I am ON a date! I talk about bad dates with my friends or therapist, not with a new love interest. It just kills the mood/vibe.

 

So whenever a guy asks me about how my other dates are going, it feels too much like a "I only like you as a friend" type question, so I just shut down.

 

It's not pretty.....

[heloladies21]

It is strange, I've seen men try to do this to me also! when we are on a first date, and they start asking me about my other dating experiences. I always feel so uncomfortable, I want to leave.

 

I don't know what their deal is, but I don't want to discuss other bad dates when I am ON a date! I talk about bad dates with my friends or therapist, not with a new love interest. It just kills the mood/vibe.

 

So whenever a guy asks me about how my other dates are going, it feels too much like a "I only like you as a friend" type question, so I just shut down.

 

It's not pretty.....

 

Lol. Yes men do this too, but mostly for us it's because a good portion of us just don't know what we're doing in the dating world.

[annie24]

Lol. Yes men do this too, but mostly for us it's because a good portion of us just don't know what we're doing in the dating world.

 

so while the man may be trying to gather information about my dating status, I am interpreting his remarks as that he is only interested as a friend or interested observer of human relationships, and is interested in collecting data on my dating experiences.

 

It just makes me feel like he's said to himself, "Oh, I don't like her, but the date isn't a waste if I learn some information about female dating experiences and what they like and don't like."

 

Then I just want to leave. I just shut down and decide I'd rather be home. Maybe this is my own self-esteem issues coming into play, but really, I just feel like leaving at that point, and I have left! I've brought the date to a close a few minutes they've asked me about my other dating experiences.