What happened here?

[justmoi]

Hey everybody!

Well after a real horrible relationship experience, i gained my strength , got that person out of my life and am feeling good...or so it seemed till recently..

 

I met up with a real sweet guy off the net we clicked and after about a month of phone convos now and again, i thought i had nothing to lose, He had some same morals as me, he was more full on then i was though (emotionally) and well i hate to admit it but im a sucker for nice guys..i want a nice guy!

 

So we met, i wont lie there was a little bit of an anti-climax for me, ok so he wasnt cute, but we gelled just as much in person as we had done previously, was real nice.

 

Later he came sat by me in the bar we got cosy, he kept stroking/playing with my hands..I thought this might mean he felt an attraction, i thought he might kiss me..he didnt i could tell he wanted too, i would of recipocated.

 

We decided to leave, sitting in my car taling holding hands he said he could easilly have feelings for me and that he already does as a friend.

He plucked up courage to say '' I was wondering maybe we could get a bottle , go back to mine & u could stay...drive home when u feel okay too?''

I said ''No...''

As much as i wanted to, i didnt want him to judge me, i never used to be a waiter...and it got me nowhere..i liked him.

 

Did he feel rejected?

Coz from that point on it kinda went down hill, we decided to go home (our own way), he kissed my cheeks i tried to get one on the lips, he did, but a peck nothing passionate (was he pissed off?).

He told me to let him know i got home ok, I did and thanked him for a nice eve he replied '' No problem''

 

So since then, hes continued his im linto you/im not attitude but thats always been him before he mentioned that i worry him, but now the tables have turned slightly.

Ive kinda fallen for him, the BIG THING HERE IS we havent see each other since ! (2 months).

 

He recipocates my txts , he calls me still, we talk/flirt occasionally still, he still a sweetheart..

When ive asked to see him, he agrees then comes with excuses, dont ask too much coz im tryna tread carefully.

 

Recently we spoke and he mentioned hes met a real cutie shes this! And shes that!

That he stayed the night at hers etc...

That kinda threw me, but tried to not show it, he thenproceeded to say that from that night we met up,I made it clear to him that id set the tone for a friendship.

If the chemistry was there with me for him , the way it was for him , i would have gone back with him, he then told me i have missed out on something good.

Ive always stayed consistant with him, and made it clear i was interested, ok so never enticed him with promises of great sex if he saw me again, ive tried to not push things too coz i dont wanna appear desperate.

I told him, it wasnt that i wanted just a friendshiip, i just dont get down onna first meet...please someone..am i in the wrong here?

Is this how dating works now?

 

He has always been wishy washy with me, but i know hes been hurt a few times, taken advantage of for being 'a nice guy'..i guess i wanted to show him i was a good girl.

 

So now i dont know what to think, ive taken it personally..again the 'not good enough' feelings have come up.

 

My friends male/female say you just hurt his ego and hes throwing this new girl in your face to make u feel gutted.

I dont know what to think?

 

I you need anymore info guy let me know!

 

Im sorry this is so long

[DN]

I don't think you did the wrong thing but you may have handled it in a way that made him feel you were just interested in him as a friend.

 

MAybe he picked up on this:

So we met, i wont lie there was a little bit of an anti-climax for me, ok so he wasnt cute

[justmoi]

Hi DN thanks for you quick reply!

I never showed that there was an anit-climax, i still flirted i laughed at his jokes ( they were actually funny!)

When he came sat by me i welcomed him to me & stroked his hands back.

 

I didnt wanna get attached but i really have, i guess ive put my eggs into one basket, i always do that

 

Its as if i rejected him sexually now hes rejecting me emotionally

[DN]

OK - then be direct with him. Tell him you are interested in seeing if there may be a chance of a relationship and if he would like to do that then great - he needs to come and see you to work out how to make it work. If he is not interested then walk away and look for someone closer.

[justmoi]

Awww ive tried in the best way i think i could, without trying to come accross desperate/needy!

Yesterday, we spoke thats when he told me about this 'cutie whos like blown his mind' and he thinks hes inlove.

When he told me, i kinda said 'Oh really! So ive missed out now then?

I proceeded to tell him (not intooo much detail how i felt about him, how just becuse i didnt go back with him it didnt mean i felt any less and that if anything my feelings have grown...He told me to stop lying , he doesnt believe me!

 

The thing is if he has it in his head that i have friendzoned him, why would that stop him from meeting up with me? But then continue to call, is he just being nice?

He has told me on various occasions he wants to spend time with me in person again/some alone time and hewill have to sort something out.

Its just hard to understand i could drive myself crazy analyising every word he has said!

 

Maybe it could be, when we talked before meeting hed seen my pic and we gelled talking..maybe when we met , it was an anti-climax for him, maybe i didnt match up to what he expected, i asked him about this and he said 'It was Not like that at all'.

 

Whats the likeliness of a guy stayin intouch consistantly with a girl just because he feels bad?

[DN]

Well, if he says he's 'in love' I think the time has come for you to move on. Either it's true or he's playing games - either way, you don't need to be talking to him any longer.

[justmoi]

Its weird because, a few times before (before we met up when hed said he had fallen for me big time) He used to try and make me jealous/geta reaction out of me by saying he had this girl and that girl , ex's on his back..its as if he was tryin to make out he was HOT PROPERTY!.

Aslo once i was on the phone to him he proceeded to reada txt to me from' some girl' who txt she was thinkin about him and wanted to drive over to see him (booty call)...3 hours later he was still talkin to me on the phone and his booty call girl hadnt turned up.

I dunno i heard guys/girls play them kinda games to get the girl interested.

 

How likely is it that he could be making this other girl up?

 

Still i have chosen to leave it now as i feel i have made a fool out of myself ..yet again.. and have taken it all personally, unfortunately

[DN]

This guy needs some lessons in how to make a woman interested in him without making an idiot of himself.

 

Chances are he was lying about the other girls although he may be flirting and meeting them too. But why would you want a liar or a player?

[justmoi]

Very true, I dont want a liar or a player, ive just got rid of one of them.

 

 

I guess, he appeared so into me , i liked that attention, i needed some tlc i guess i hoped he could be the one to give it to me!

Silly i know.

 

Thing is theres a couple of guys who are interested in me, but with me i cant do the dating around thing, im the kinda girl who if i like someone and see potential, ill stick with that ONE til the 'end' and friendzone the rest.

 

I do put all my eggs in one basket, is that a bad idea?

 

Still with this guy, im gonna call it a day.

I decided to after our convo yesterday, i guess im still baffled though.

 

Ive told him how i felt, the ball is totally in his court.

I dont expect he will come calling for me (sorry feelin sorry for myself!)

 

I guess if a guy is into a girl , nothing will keep him from her.

[DN]

I do put all my eggs in one basket, is that a bad idea?

Until you get into some sort of committed relationship - yes, it is a bad idea.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds to me that this guy just wanted to get laid (he was definitely setting the stage and doing the sweet talk, hand stroking, etc). He was using all the lines and strategies in the book. "he could easily have feelings for you". Talk about classic pick-up lines. Count yourself lucky that you didn't go back to his place. His strategy now is to make you feel jealous so that you run to him and are ready to give him the booty call. Stay away. A nice guy would not behave like that. I am sure he realizes you care and he is just trying to make you feel so insecure that he gets what he wants. Sorry to be so blunt. You really deserve better than that.

[justmoi]

Hey guys thanks for your replies!

 

Ive always been very skeptical about him and his true intentions after our very first phone convo and the fact that he said hed 'Fallen for me BIGTIME', being in the process of healing from a previous relationship i guess i was kinda vunderable still and latched onto the thought/feeling that Ahh! im wanted again...i did realise and ackwowledge my vunderability.

 

At the same time i thought well, we clicked what do i have to lose by meeting him i also didnt wanna have a cynical attitude and be closed to other oppotunities if u know what i mean?

 

After our meet i did kind of think, wow all he wanted was a lay...he didnt get one, Its very possible he just wanted sex, but wouldnt he of just written me off ignored my phone calls, wouldnt bother calling me ..Hes had oppotunities to see me again, and knows that im still into him...If he was after sex wouldnt he try take advantage of that oppotunity again?

 

Thats one thing im kind of like Pheww! with, it didnt get to sex i should count myself lucky.

He seems like insecure himself, apart of me thinks he sees women getting attached to men more after sex..mayb thats how he thinks he has to keep a girl interested and wanting him.

 

Ive posted about him before actually here is a link to my previous post if your interested!

 

many thanks again xx