Girls/Pics/Porn - is it wrong?

[Musica]

New here.....hi all!

 

Here's my thing.....my bf sometimes downloads girlies in bathing suits, and all that kind of stuff, we've had numerous talks about how this and how it makes me feel crappy and insecure about myself....he used to watch porn but that's stopped cause I voiced that I don't like it if we're not watching it together. And he was doing good all the way up until recently when he f@#$ed up and got caught, but said that he won't watch it again.

 

Am I over-reacting about the girly downloads? I guess I'm just insecure w/ myself, I mean he would get jealous if he saw buff guys on my phone, etc. but the difference between him and I is the fact that I snoop (stupid, I know) and he doesn't, I guess he's the type if it's in his face he'll get upset about it but he's not going to go looking for it.....like me....but I can't help it. I know it's just a guy thing and I want to just change my frame of mind, SO CAN ANYONE SHED SOME LITE ON THIS SITUATION FOR ME???? and tell me how silly (or not) I'm being!!!

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe that porn is wrong but you do have to find out what is appropriiate in your relationship. I think you are being insecure as long as he isnt neglecting you by looking at porn.

[Ash]

There are certainly lots of threads on this site about this very subject, so there's certainly some reading you can do if you're so inclined. But ultimately it seems to come down to what you and he between you decide is appropriate. Many women seem to be against the whole idea of porn, and there seem to be a fair few men that like to watch it, often behind their significant other's backs, which does cause problems.

 

My partner and I tend to watch it together, although she also sometimes looks at some on her own. I tend not to anymore, but used to in the past.

 

But again, it's between you and him. You need to get him to speak honestly, and you need to be honest with him. Come to an arrangement and expect both of you to live within its bounds. If it's not going to work for one of the other, then it could suggest an incompatibility. Temper that though with the basic premise that guys seems to lean towards watching it without meaning any harm (many of course don't actually feel that way)

 

To conclude, you're not alone or unreasonable at all. You don't need to change around to his way of thinking, but you may want to set some bounds and make him clear that it really does matter to you how we views others, real or cyber.

[Musica]

Thanks for the male perspective and insight...helpful....

 

I think the bigger issue w/ me is the fact that he downloads other pics of girls on his phone....why? I mean he knows I get jealous, and when I find it, he's just like oh, i was going to erase it....but I'm sick of snooping around just so I can convict him........

 

he sounds disrespectful in this situation but he's actually very good to me other than this, so that's why I believe I'm overreacting....I just don't know how to stop.

[yeawutever]

I believe there's really nothing wrong in watching porn when you're in a relation. Now it would be different if he was secretly camming with girls online or talking dirty with them while you don't know it. But if it's just watching porn, then it's common. You just need to establish what's appropriate and what's not and so would he, then you guys would have to be in an agreement.

[agent1607307371]

"And he was doing good all the way up until recently when he f@#$ed up and got caught, but said that he won't watch it again."

 

Honestly, I have more of a problem with people snooping around in the hopes of finding their partner doing something "wrong" than I do with a bit of porn.

 

Pornography is a bit of fantasy - nothing real, nothing serious.

 

If he's neglecting your relationship and is addicted to porn though, thats another problem.

[Musica]

Yeah, I think because of our past and I've found things out by finding them, and not by his honestly, I have this bad habit of just trying to find something wrong......it's something I want to change, I just need to not be soooo worried about it, I guess.

[Beyondthesea]

In my opinion, if it's important for you then it's a big deal. If you've talked to him about it and he won't stop but tells you he has, that's a problem.

 

Dishonest no matter how you look at it. I would also snoop had I reason to, and it appears you do.

[Mythical_Suicide]

You replied to my post and seems we have the same problems with our boyfriends.. on different levels but still close enough! If you ever just want to talk to someone who can relate one hundred percent please feel free to PM me on here or I have yahoo,

 

 

~-Mythical Suicide-~

[Musica]

thanx Mythical ~ I wrote something in your thread......