I was the "other woman"

[T-Mama]

Back in December of 2000 I met a guy @ work (I'll call him G) that I immediately felt a deep attraction to. He didn't hesitate to let me know that he was attracted to me in the same way. Over the course of 3 weeks, we flirted, emailed each other & I gave him my #....then he told me he had a girlfriend. I didn't back away from the situation as I should've and we ended up establishing a (mostly) sexual relationship that lasted almost 2 years. I had an emotional interest in him, but although he'd initially made comments to me that lead me to believe that we would eventually have a "real" relationship, that never happened...he later just said I shouldn't have any expectations & he periodically reminded me that our "relationship" had boundaries. He remained with his girfriend & I remained in the background...basically just waiting for his phone calls and emails inviting me over to his place or letting me know he was coming by to see me for a couple of hours. I thought I loved the guy....and he told me he loved me....but it was just a love that existed in our little secret world. I kept myself in that situation until I met my present boyfriend. I suppose as much as I wanted to be in his life in a genuine sense, I was willing to settle for just being "the other woman" just to hang onto him. For a few months, G continued to ask me to meet him for secret rendezvous, but I always declined. I was finally in a healthy, happy relationship (which he'd always said he'd really wanted for me to find) and I didn't want to mess that up....and I wanted to distance myself from that type of relationship with him. Several more months past and he tells me he has repented & is living a Christian life and that he & his girlfriend (who at this point had been together 5 years)are finally getting married.....and yet (a couple of emails later) he invites me over for sex (which I still decline). From the beginning I asked him to tell his girlfriend about us, but I always respected his decision to keep things on the down-low......UNTIL he emailed me and told me he was basically tired of making small talk with me & that we were either going to have a "secret rendezvous for old times sake or nada". That upset me, I was already always feeling guilty that I allowed myself to be in that situation with him & that his girlfriend never found out about us....it made me feel even more guilty that he was getting married without revealing the secret to her (especially since he was obviously still prone to cheat....just a month before his wedding date he was talking to me & would've slept with me had I consented to it). All of a sudden I decided to contact his fiance and tell her the whole story....she'd been disrespected for too long (by both of us).....I thought this would teach him a lesson too; I didn't think he'd ever really repent and change his ways if he were allowed to get away with his affair. I tried to email G's fiance anonymously. He apparently monitors her email account & replied back with vile language and death threats. She did finally get the message. G found out that I'd sent her the message and he of course had more threats and choice words to toss my way. I don't know if I made the right decision to tell her & I'm not sure if she actually married him anyway.....that's where the story ends.......Any input on this sad, embarrassing situation?

[S4il]

YOU GO GIRL !!!!!

 

this is coming from a guy....I think what you did was heroic..well sort of any ways, Breaking up a marriage wasn't a bad thing. I bet she wants to meet you in person and thank you for warning her about "G" and his cloak and dagger ways of sneaking around with other women, JUST for sex...ahh Grrr guys make me upset. they ruin it for the "good guys" *myself*

 

i would personally like to say you did what was best, for both you and the other women, maybe "G" can learn from this..i think "G" was trying to get a last minute FLING with you just to see if you were still open to it..and he would of continued even if he was married, But you Put your foot down and said NO!!! (let's call it girl Power) Additionally you feel guilty, WHY..? You did what was best Cut-N-Dry no argument about that in my book. So what if you 2 had sex 1,3 or 16 times....that is in the past, he was just trying to keep YOU on the side, as an extra Piece of Booty. a typical wannabe PIMP..hahahah "laugh" think of his EGO now...it's close to nothing, I bet all his friends are pointing and Laughing there 4ss's Off. and that Girl I'm sure is happy to have learned about WHO Mr. "G" really was about. Just another DOG, Among Great "CATS"

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I just had a man break my heart for a women like you. However I am still going to tell you that I feel your pain, because waiting for his calls and emails must have hurt you so much. ANd hoping that he would actually let this girl go...And he didnt'. I was happy that you gave him the good riddens attitude, he does not deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like leftover meat. There are so many men out there for you to choose from, that you don't have to be stuck with this kind of a man, who would cheat on you, and his women. Both of you got dissed. Karma is a funny thing, no matter how fast you run, it will be right behind you! Deal with this heartache now and don't repeat this ok? Don't put this kind of energy back out on yourself. No one is worth the pain you will feel for breaking up a relationship. NO ONE. Your pain will be so much worse if you do this again. Good luck, and this time, sleep with both eyes open!

[T-Mama]

[T-Mama]

G is using scare tactics in order to get me back for revealing the affair. So far, I have discovered that his various scare tactics have all been ruses (none have actually been carried out), but I am curious as to what my next move should be. In my previous posting, I spoke of an uncertainty regarding whether his fiance actually decided to go on with the wedding plans....well, I am beginning to think that maybe she kicked him to the curb or decided to take a break.......I just don't think he would still have an interest or the courage to continue taunting me if all had gone his way. In my last email to him I told him that we should just make amends & that I am convinced that I did the right thing....I know he thinks the whole thing was just focused on him....like I did it to destroy his life, not to "right a wrong". I don't know what to do.