T-Mama

.....just bringing up (in passing) to your friend that you saw her guy is the best scenario....that way if your friend was told that he was doing something else that evening she would be aware that maybe something was up.....just allow her to make her own judgement calls. I don't think complete silence is a good option because if he ever tells her that you once "saw" him, she might be upset with you for not telling her. Since you are her friend that is my opinion.... I once told someone that their boyfriend was cheating on them and it caused (is still causing) much drama for me......but because I'd actually been the other woman to her boyfriend I don't think I made the right choice to reveal her boyfriend's ways to her (see my posts for details). If I'd just been an "innocent bystander" things probably would've been different.

My boyfriend knows the whole story....he's being as supportive as he can through all of this, but I realize he loses his patience with me sometimes because I am letting it eat me alive. G.A.D. and I did take some pics "together", but of course he made sure he was unidentifiable in all of them. Any video footage that was taken was done completely without my consent. His girlfriend is now his wife....and I'm not sure how much truth she really knows.....I've tried to communicate with her in the past--I forwarded her all threatening/harassing emails that I received from him and I've apologized for my part profusely, but she has never replied. Who knows what she believes or what HE has told her. I sometimes regret ever opening my mouth. Some women will say that they'd like to know if they were being cheated on...but from this situation I wonder if "ignorance is bliss". I feel like the big loser in all of this....not that I shouldn't feel that way, but I guess I kind've thought that by telling his girlfriend (now wife) I was doing the right thing in the end.

.....I am (Thank God) still with the guy who finally offered me a happier, healthier relationship than G.A.D. could give me.

......by releasing graphic pics and hidden video that he says he has of me...he threatens to post them on random vehicles at my place of employment and post them online. I have gone to the police and the investigator had just been advising me to file the emails away.....I have reported the emails to his boss and the webmaster at his job (because that is where they originated), but his boss didn't want to get involved in what he referred to as a "he said/she said" situation and the webmaster has actually said there wasn't any way for him to trace the email directly to G.A.D. (even though the company's ip address and G.A.D.'s dept. name actually appears in the header of the email).

link removed I still am not over the situation....everyone says to move on, but the threats still hang over my head...HE doesn't forgive me for telling HER....SHE has never responded to me/forgiven me...HE has recently reminded me that he can still ruin me.

G is using scare tactics in order to get me back for revealing the affair. So far, I have discovered that his various scare tactics have all been ruses (none have actually been carried out), but I am curious as to what my next move should be. In my previous posting, I spoke of an uncertainty regarding whether his fiance actually decided to go on with the wedding plans....well, I am beginning to think that maybe she kicked him to the curb or decided to take a break.......I just don't think he would still have an interest or the courage to continue taunting me if all had gone his way. In my last email to him I told him that we should just make amends & that I am convinced that I did the right thing....I know he thinks the whole thing was just focused on him....like I did it to destroy his life, not to "right a wrong". I don't know what to do.

Back in December of 2000 I met a guy @ work (I'll call him G) that I immediately felt a deep attraction to. He didn't hesitate to let me know that he was attracted to me in the same way. Over the course of 3 weeks, we flirted, emailed each other & I gave him my #....then he told me he had a girlfriend. I didn't back away from the situation as I should've and we ended up establishing a (mostly) sexual relationship that lasted almost 2 years. I had an emotional interest in him, but although he'd initially made comments to me that lead me to believe that we would eventually have a "real" relationship, that never happened...he later just said I shouldn't have any expectations & he periodically reminded me that our "relationship" had boundaries. He remained with his girfriend & I remained in the background...basically just waiting for his phone calls and emails inviting me over to his place or letting me know he was coming by to see me for a couple of hours. I thought I loved the guy....and he told me he loved me....but it was just a love that existed in our little secret world. I kept myself in that situation until I met my present boyfriend. I suppose as much as I wanted to be in his life in a genuine sense, I was willing to settle for just being "the other woman" just to hang onto him. For a few months, G continued to ask me to meet him for secret rendezvous, but I always declined. I was finally in a healthy, happy relationship (which he'd always said he'd really wanted for me to find) and I didn't want to mess that up....and I wanted to distance myself from that type of relationship with him. Several more months past and he tells me he has repented & is living a Christian life and that he & his girlfriend (who at this point had been together 5 years)are finally getting married.....and yet (a couple of emails later) he invites me over for sex (which I still decline). From the beginning I asked him to tell his girlfriend about us, but I always respected his decision to keep things on the down-low......UNTIL he emailed me and told me he was basically tired of making small talk with me & that we were either going to have a "secret rendezvous for old times sake or nada". That upset me, I was already always feeling guilty that I allowed myself to be in that situation with him & that his girlfriend never found out about us....it made me feel even more guilty that he was getting married without revealing the secret to her (especially since he was obviously still prone to cheat....just a month before his wedding date he was talking to me & would've slept with me had I consented to it). All of a sudden I decided to contact his fiance and tell her the whole story....she'd been disrespected for too long (by both of us).....I thought this would teach him a lesson too; I didn't think he'd ever really repent and change his ways if he were allowed to get away with his affair. I tried to email G's fiance anonymously. He apparently monitors her email account & replied back with vile language and death threats. She did finally get the message. G found out that I'd sent her the message and he of course had more threats and choice words to toss my way. I don't know if I made the right decision to tell her & I'm not sure if she actually married him anyway.....that's where the story ends.......Any input on this sad, embarrassing situation?