I think NC may be working, ex contacted me

[blindreepr]

It has been 2 weeks since I told the ex not to contact me. Then yesterday I get an IM. It was the ex ofcourse, nothing important ofcourse, but she prefaced it with "I just want to say one thing...." so I took a chance and just replied "??". It ended up being nothing, just her commenting on a song that I uploaded on myspace, she was definitely just seeing if I was still "there". Fine whatever, sorta irritated me that she broke NC for such a trivial reason.

 

Then 2 hours later, after I work out I go to the grocery market that she works at, since it is the closest one, and I knew she wasn't working so I figured it would be ok. As I am walking out the the store guess who drives up in a car with all her new friends? The ex, not only does she wave, but she gets out of the car completely to make small talk with me.

 

Breaking NC twice in one day. Wounds haven't been reopened or anything. I just more irritated than anything else. I just want her to leave me alone. I am starting to get over her, and starting to realize that I am lucky that she dumped me. I can't wait for the time where she is out of my life completely.

 

 

Edit: I just wanted to preface it by NC is working because I am not all depressed or wanting her back when she contacts me. I am irritated instead and see her faults more and more. THAT is why NC is working.

[theproman23]

I hear you, I am going the NC route, it's been 3 weeks and she's called me 5 times, called today to see if she can come over and see me tomorrow. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

Don't you wish they would just get the idea that they hurt as bad and just leave us alone, they all ready dumped us y not leave us alone now when we're trying to move on!

[blindreepr]

Don't you wish they would just get the idea that they hurt as bad and just leave us alone, they all ready dumped us y not leave us alone now when we're trying to move on!

 

seriously, unless it's either an apology or her wanting to try and work things out i really dont want to hear from her. but I know that neither of those is going to happen, so why bother contacting me?

[theproman23]

Please don't fall in to the trap of getting hope that she's wants to get back together, honestly it might her wanting something she can't have. I feel like I am melting, my ex calling me today to see if she can come over to see me has filled me with all kinds of thoughts but I am hoping I can stay strong and not get it in to my head that there is a realtionship to be rekindled.

 

My ex actually asked me to come over last sun and she apolagized for hurting me but I really don't want anything to do with her and actaully feel pity for her now cause she really has no friends and I am hoping that pity won't pull me back in to having her back in my life.

 

I hate to say this but keep your focus on the faults and dont revert back, remember and always keep in mind that she hurt you and that you don't owe her anything and think of yourself first!

[gaiden]

... and actaully feel pity for her now

 

Be careful. For a lot of people pity or feeling sorry for someone is a good way for them to get your goat. Most of us have a tendency to help those we consider less fortunate, and therein lies the trap.

 

Pity for my ex's is never my goal, apathy is.

 

definition: Apathy is the lack of emotion, motivation, or enthusiasm. Apathy is a psychological term for a state of indifference — where an individual is irresponsive or "indifferent" to aspects of emotional, social, or physical life.

[blindreepr]

I have no hope at all that she wants to get back together. Infact I know that she doesn't want to get back together at all. She is too busy having fun with the single life, partying everynight, going to bars the other nights. Being an all around tool, the kind of person that she used to make fun of. The blogs that she has posted recently, in addition to the last few convo's we had before I started NC make me not want to talk to her, and not even want to be with her at all.

 

Trust me, I am not holding out hope, if anything it should be her hoping that once she is done with celebrating her indepence, once she realizes it takes more than partying and drinking to make her happy, that I will even want to be friends with her. Because the track she is on right now I cant wait to never see her again.

[theproman23]

Most of us have a tendency to help those we consider less fortunate, and therein lies the trap.

 

 

I hear you but I don't have the heart to tell her to GO AWAY!, I am not that kind of a person. I think I might just tell her I need more time.

[enivel]

She was trying to get your hopes by saying "I just want to say one thing..." and making it trivial. She won't respect your wishes to not be contacted, although you respect her wishes and are no longer doing the things you had before. When you go NC, you have to understand that the dumper is going to feel like you are playing games, and you probably are hurting her a little in a way, or at least making it a challenge for her. Just go full NC on this one. Don't respond to anything. She wants to know that you still care about her, if you let her see you/ talk to you, she will see that even if you don't think she will.

[enivel]

Be careful. For a lot of people pity or feeling sorry for someone is a good way for them to get your goat. Most of us have a tendency to help those we consider less fortunate, and therein lies the trap.

 

Pity for my ex's is never my goal, apathy is.

 

definition: Apathy is the lack of emotion, motivation, or enthusiasm. Apathy is a psychological term for a state of indifference — where an individual is irresponsive or "indifferent" to aspects of emotional, social, or physical life.

 

Great point about apathy. That really is the goal we should all be seeking. The moment you really hit that state, the whole concept of "NC" becomes irrelevant, it no longer even matters because you don't even give a damn. People ask how long they should go with NC... in my opinion you should do it until you no longer find yourself bothering to ask that very question. If your ex ever wants to get you back, it's when you've reached this state and are moving along just fine.