jades77 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Someone help me decide what to do... I have been in love with this girl who works with me for the last 4 years. After about 3 months of our meeting we realized we had feelings for each other and confessed them. That was probably the most beautiful time in my life. But after about six months of this relationship, things began to go wrong. The truth is that though we loved each other so much, there were some differences in our nature and our understanding of each other. She was the kind of person who expected to be understood, who would never speak herself even if she wanted something. I was more of the nature where i had to be told, and sometimes dont see what the other person wants. This led to situations where she felt that i was taking her for granted and i didnt really bother what she wanted. At that time, she wanted to give her GMAT and get admission to a business school in the US. Both of us live in India. But i guess i never noticed what she wanted and it went so bad that she finally stopped speaking to me about anything at all. I realized my mistake quite later but she could never believe that i could change. Its been this way for over 2 years and i have been trying all this while to ask her to forgive me for everything and that i truly believe i can change for the better. I have realized all my mistakes, i have seen all that she has done for me, without my doing anything in return. Now its time for her to leave for the US to pursue her studies and she plans to settle in the US for good. She asked me if we should get married now, and i seem to have a big problem here. The issue is that i live with my family and going away forever is something that is going to be very hard on my parents. They are getting old and they will need help soon and i have always planned to live close to where they live so that i can help them when they needed me. But she has other plans and she wants to live in the US forever, and only plans to come back once in a year or two to visit her or my family. This is not at all OK with me and i told her that i might need to come back at a later point in time, after a few years and stay back in India. BUt she has told me if thats what i want then she wouldnt get into this relationship. She feels there are better career options out in the US and thats why she wont come back. Moreover, she has told me that if we cant work this out, she will get married to another friend of hers who has been waiting for her for quite sometime. I have tried to convince her in all possible ways, but she wont budge. She seems to have got the idea that my parents are a big burden on me and it will interfere wth our life together. But the fact is that i want to be close to my family and i really want to be there when they are old and cant do much themselves. We anyway had a lot of communication and trust issues all this while, but somehow convinced each other that we will work on these if we get together. However, now that she is asking me to relocate away from home, its getting difficult for me. Looks like no matter what i do, it will make me unhappy. I cant leave my family behind at the same time i cant let her go. I really love her and i know she loves me too. She has planned this for herself all this while, it just happened that we didnt speak about this earlier. Now i feel we are too much into each other to let go. But what she wants to do and what i want to do seem to be different. I dont know what i should do with the given situation. I am afraid i will never be able to find someone like her again or ever fall in love again. I am already 30 yrs old and dont even have too much time to wait for someone to come by. But if i go with her, i am afraid i might resent it later if things dont go well between us, because i am giving up almost a lot of things if i move with her. If i move with her, i will be movign away from home, my family, friends and will probably be changing my career a bit too. Its a lot of change for me and i am not sure if i am going to be happy in the long run and i am afraid sometimes that once the romantic love fades, we might get into the conflicts we had earlier. On the other hand, if i dont go, i might be miserable forever that i let someone who loved me so much go.... Please help me in making the right choice... Link to comment
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