She's like a relationship ninja

[Boughtandpaidfor]

About 18months ago I met this girl who came on to me really strong at first. We went out and hung around all the time. A couple of times I really got the idea she wanted me to kiss her but then I'm quite shy and nothing ever came of it. But the thing was her body language really wasn't saying "kiss me" even though we were lying there she was turning away. I didn't force her to lie with me so it was very confusing.

 

Finally one day she is lying in my bed (watching a movie the lights are out) and I say can I kiss you?- she says lets just be friends. I don't know what to think very confused but angry.

 

Subsequently I tried to be friends but I remained single and various other things happened and one year down the line I was still obsessing about her. So one night I just told her I cant stop thinking about you- she said I cant see us together- I felt better- I moved on, I'm seeing someone now.

 

I dont really speak to that girl anymore and she seemed surprised that I wouldnt contact her, but I kind of felt like she's a really bad tease. She's never had sex (she's 24) I think she's done foreplay type things but not much. So I put it down to nervousness

 

But then I found out that she's kissed ALL the barstaff in the bar where I used to go drown my sorrows about her!! (suddenly it all clicked into place why I got such a cold reception!!) And one of them also got turned down while she was in bed with them- after he tried to go home she told him to stay and then refused to have sex with him. Which is fair enough- I'm not saying she has to have sex of course, but she sort of gave him the impression right?

 

I live in a small town and there is a TRAIL of men behind this girl and she has done virtually nothing but kiss with any of them. Most of them are not aware of each other I think. She must be exhausted. I feel much better finding this out to be honest, I thought there was something wrong with me. I'm glad I met her because I've always been careful to avoid rejection before but I didnt see this coming so I had to face it- it wasnt that bad.

 

But I dont understand this girl- does anyone?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Maybe she's confused about what she wants.

 

Sounds like she's had a lot of interest from guys but just doesn't know what to do with it all.

 

IMO - It's nice to hear she didn't sleep with the lot of them. But maybe she's just hasn't found what suits HER yet....

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Yeah I'm totally for waiting to find what she wants - absolutely positively I totally agree with that.

 

If she doesnt want to have sex thats absolutely fine I dont think she should be pressured into anything - I dont believe in peer pressure or casual sex for that matter.

 

I'm simply saying that a lot oof men are getting the wrong idea and walking away bitter from this girl. I dont think they are all being monkey males expecting the sex. I think she's really giving off the strong signals and then suddenly changing direction at a certain point and walking away- and it's not very nice and I dont really understand it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Yeh Happy - that's what leads me to think that she's not really sure.

 

Like maybe a part of her wants to do stuff initially but then she either chickens out, changes her mind or decides that person is not the one.....

 

I just think she's not sure yet which way she wants to go yet...

[bleeder]

Hi Happytown,

 

I have read your post. Although I am rather taken back with this lady's behavior, but it comes as no big surprise either. She is a rare breed of women, yes, rare; but not impossible to find.

 

Women like these have only one objective in mind. To play and toy with the emotions of others. To compliment (to nurture perhaps?) their inner sense of self-doubt and to provide some comfort for their inadequacies. They'd love to tease, only to back out at the critical moment. Generally, people like that have a low self esteem. They may even be beautiful, but psychologically, they are one living black hole filled with nothing substantial but void.

 

I am glad that you are off the hook. You are better off investing your time with someone more worthwhile. A lady like that will just pave the road to her own emotional destruction.

[Shadows Light]

Are you sure all she ever did was KISS???

 

Could be she's had sex...and gotten NOTHING out of it. If she's been with an inconsiderate partner then she doesn't know what she's missing right? If this is all there is... who needs it?

 

What she does like though is the CHASE... the power behind the chase. Going fishing and hookin a fish. But like any fisherman who fishes for sport.... she releases her prey. Granted... Not good for you at all.

 

Let her go and call it a lesson learned. One day she'll meet the right cowboy who will turn the tables on her game of cat and mouse... hopefully, he'll have the patience to show her what she's been missin!!

[spider007]

Attention whoooore (is that word alowed here??). She is the gurl that likes to get every guy in the room under her tumb, and once she has him, she disposes him in the "fiends zone"

 

Oh and another thing, don't ever ask to kiss her, JUST DO IT when the time is right.

[Iceman26]

She probably leads on the bartenders for free drinks.

 

This is someone with some issues you probably should not get involved with......surely there are better women in your town?

 

In regards to kissing her, you did the right thing by reading her body language, but I personally would not ask for a kiss. Simply read the signs.

[Shadows Light]

Attention whoooore (is that word alowed here??). She is the gurl that likes to get every guy in the room under her tumb, and once she has him, she disposes him in the "fiends zone"

 

Oh and another thing, don't ever ask to kiss her, JUST DO IT when the time is right.

 

HOLY SHEIST... I had to read your post a few times to realize you were not addressing ME!!!! I thought.... aaawwww man... what did I DO????

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Wow I just read my post after a few days- and damn I sound like a loser. She really did just turn me down!!! But I've never seen such mixed signals in a person. I felt like I was supposed to be reading the signs better and I was a bit slow. But really she didnt offer me anything.

 

I know I should have just kissed her if thats what I wanted to do. But you know what if someone's too shy to give me clear signals- and I just take all repsonsibility and push things....... then I'm going to end up doing all the work in any relationship. I need someone less afraid of what they want than that. I think I did the right thing to ask her "can I kiss you" because the signals were all over the place- and I was just frustrated. If I'd just kissed her I suspect she would have let me and then I would have been in the same postiton, but even more confused.

[spider007]

HOLY SHEIST... I had to read your post a few times to realize you were not addressing ME!!!! I thought.... aaawwww man... what did I DO????

 

I'm not quiet sure how you thought it was about you , but anyways

 

 

I know I should have just kissed her if thats what I wanted to do. But you know what if someone's too shy to give me clear signals- and I just take all repsonsibility and push things....... then I'm going to end up doing all the work in any relationship. I need someone less afraid of what they want than that. I think I did the right thing to ask her "can I kiss you" because the signals were all over the place- and I was just frustrated. If I'd just kissed her I suspect she would have let me and then I would have been in the same postiton, but even more confused.

 

Women want a man who takes charge. By taking her in your arms and just kissing her, shows that your a confident man who goes after what he wants - take charge man (alpha male). Obviously there are a lot of things leading up to a kiss that need to happen, you can't just do it out of the blue. There needs to be some touching (hugging, brushing, tickeling, teasing....fisical stuff) and a lot of subtle flirting. Women will rearly show clear signals, and it's even more rare fot them to make a move. The reason for that is; 1)the wanna be persued and seduced 2) they don't want to look like a slvt. There are always exceptions to this, but this is for young gurls in general.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I think thats the case too. But this was too much- back and forth confusing.

 

When I said clear signals obviously I dont mean a big sign on her saying "touch me here!"- I meant no mixed signals which is entirely different to few or no signals, which is of course normal. Mixed signals don' gone made ma head hurt.