Why? Where? When? and How Many Times?

[Decado]

Hey. I am a self harmer. I am writing this topic in response to another one that talked about wher abouts on the body people cut. I started a new one cos the other had become too long and convoluted.

 

I ould like to ask 5 questions:

1. Why do you harm?

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?

3. What time of day does it usually occur?

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after?

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc.

 

 

I feel i should answer my own questions before i have the right to ask anyone else:

 

1. Because i hate life, how the world is, how there is nothing more, and most of all- because i am angry at how i have turned out and who i am. I, also, like the idea of having scars, constant outside pain, and having something that i can hide and that is mine.

 

2. I prefer my fore-arms and the wrists but it is getting harder and harder since summer is approaching and i have got a lot of questions about wearing jumpers and long sleeved shirts. So, i now cut my chest and upper legs. Honestly, i just want to die. i hate how i am tied to this world through other people.

 

3. late at night. when i feel the anger of all my years

 

4. a) angry at everything, mainly myself and excited at the prospect of self harm, pain and lasting scars. suicidal

 

b) depressed. sleepy. weepy. non-suicidal.

 

5. 3-5 days a week. As many punches as it takes before the cuts. As many cuts as it take for me to feel nothing but the pain. punches: 5-25. times. cuts: 3-15.

 

kill me, please.

[Daddy Bear]

Decado, i have some questiions for cutters as well, including yourself. i hope you won't see this as hijacking.

 

1. where did you get the idea for cutting/self-injury?

2. what did you think of the idea the first time you heard it?

3. are you planning to keep it up for your whole life?

4. do you feel like this is the perfect solution to your internal pain?

5. would you know where to turn for help if you wanted to stop?

6. how does pain + more pain = less pain?

7. would you recommend this type of behavior to a suffering child?

[nicorette]

oddly enough, ive never understood the whole "cutting" thing.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

1. It helps me cope. I enjoy pain (though, honestly, there's not much) and seeing myself bleed.

 

2. Stomach/thighs sometimes my arms if I can hide it. I prefer my arms. And I cut at the same place I do everything-in my chair at my house.

 

3. When I'm alone, no set time.

 

4. Before I feel _______ (whatever emotion is bothering me) and after I feel calm.

 

5. The highest I've done was in the neighborhood of 50 or 60 shallow cuts. It's normally 10-20.

 

Slightlybent's questions:

 

1. I've always done it, I've been doing it for about 12 years now, and I used to believe that I was the only one who did it, that the idea was unique to me.

 

2. See above

 

3. As long as I need it. I wouldn't be upset with myself for doing it all my life.

 

4. There is no "perfect" solution. This works for now.

 

5. One can only help oneself. There are support sites, but in the end, it's up to the individual.

 

6. I don't feel pain much. It's not that simple.

 

7. What kind of a question is that?!?

[Daddy Bear]

7. would you recommend this type of behavior to a suffering child?

7. What kind of a question is that?!?

thank you for helping to educate me on this subject. i asked that particular question because i was wondering how cutters feel about introducing the concept of self-injury as relief to others who may be influenced into committing the same acts. what would your response be?

[BrokenWingedFaery]

In general, I tell people not to start, it's hard to stop (some even say impossible) and most of us regret it. However, most people who are thinking about it will do it, and knowing that, I have a "You probably shouldn't, but if you're going to, do it safely" attitude.

[Daddy Bear]

thank you BWF, for that honest answer. i honestly do understand what you're saying. it's just a shame that so many people aren't able to find comfort in things less damaging to the soul and body, as i'm sure you'll agree...

[BrokenWingedFaery]

The soul has to be damaged in some way for someone to damage the body in the way that SI'ers do. I believe that, compared to what I could be doing, SI is the least harmful way (of the harmful ways) for me to handle things. I live in a town where meth is the new pot, and it's cheap, I could be doing alot worse then I am...

[NKP]

I ould like to ask 5 questions:

1. Why do you harm?

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?

3. What time of day does it usually occur?

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after?

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc.

 

1. Hate life, want to feel some pain

 

2. Wrist

 

3. Late at night when im alonein my room

 

4. Dressed like i just wanna die, after i feel upset but hey least it stop me from kill ing myself

 

5. every night until alot of blood comes out

[Mathew]

1. Because I was running out of ways to cope with depression.

 

2. On the arms, close to my elbows where i can hide it. Usually the bathroom, where i can lock the door.

 

3. No time of day, though its always been night time, usually when ever I feel like i need to think about something else, or just built up anger.

 

4. I feel empty before and worse after, though while i bleed its like im coping.

 

5. Ive only done it once, in the space of a few days, just about 15-20 cuts, though i stopped because i was horified with what i was doing to myself.

[Slacker]

1. Why do you harm?

For the "soothing" effect

 

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?

used to do the biceps, forearms, thighs and chest-

but recently i favor the inside of my fingers (i can get a quick dose by stretching my hand, or applying some sanitizer)

 

3. What time of day does it usually occur?

Any time, really.

 

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after?

before i feel agitated, worried, hurt

after, i feel like i've got peace of mind, in balance....

 

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc.

~8 short cuts on my fingers at a time, taking care not to let too many accumulate.

 

________________________________________________________________

1. where did you get the idea for cutting/self-injury?

I had a girlfriend in High school who did it, and i told her that everytime she

cut herself, i would.

 

2. what did you think of the idea the first time you heard it?

Why the #### would you do that?

 

3. are you planning to keep it up for your whole life?

Maybe.

 

4. do you feel like this is the perfect solution to your internal pain?

Perfect in effect, but the fact that its taboo makes it a hard habit to keep.

 

5. would you know where to turn for help if you wanted to stop?

Friends and family..

 

6. how does pain + more pain = less pain?

i think it takes your mind off the emotion, maybe it reminds you that other things can hurt too, or the bodily release of painkillers brought on by SI

 

7. would you recommend this type of behavior to a suffering child?

No, i wouldn't recommend it to anyone who had a chance at finding better coping methods (which basically means i wouldn't recommend it)

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

1. Why do you harm? When i get angry or cant control how i feel. When i want the pain to stop but it just wont go away. When i look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted that i look this way. When i want everything to go to plan but nothing goes right...

2. Where do you cut my arms wrists legs hips stomach

3. What time of day does it usually occur? at night or in the morning

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after? a) like i want to give up B) like i've disappointed everyone and stuffed up again...

5. How many times do you harm? i cut many times it depends on ho much time i have and how i feel

[Pheonixpassion84]

1. Why do you harm?

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?

3. What time of day does it usually occur?

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after?

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc.

 

 

1. Most of the time it's because I feel numb. I dont know myself. I dont know who I am and I get frustrated. I become empty and need to feel something. To feel alive. Sometimes to punish myself because I get mad at me and my life. Sometimes to give myself a reason to be upset and in pain.. since often times I don't know why.. To convert my emotional pain to physical pain.

 

2.I dont do it that often. I really try not to. But mostly on my upper thigh.. the easiest is fore arm but that's too risky.

 

3. anywhere between afternoon and late night.

 

4. a) confused. empty. sad. hopeless. helpless. weak. pain. angry. numb.

b) relieved. but at the same time pathetic. pain.. still emotional but

concentrated on physical. It takes my mind of my emotional problems.

c. I dont burn. Sometimes punch. But mostly cuts. Not deep. just enough to feel it. A few faint scars/scabs that will likely..hopefuly fade in time.

[Pheonixpassion84]

Ive been better though. I now realize that its a stupid way of releasing feelings.. or non feelings. Instead I write poetry or art. Its a good use of emotion... no matter how negitave it may be

[model_heather]

1. Why do you harm?: It's almost uncontrollable. I feel like I have to do it when things get to hard. And it helps.

 

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)?: Usually my wrists and ankles where ever I happen to be. Last night I did it in the kitchen sink so my boyfriend (he was breaking up with me at the time) wouldn't see me.

 

3. What time of day does it usually occur? Typically at night. Night time puts me in a dark mood.

 

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after? Before: helpless. After: Like I'm not so sure I should have done that.

 

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc. I haven't cut myself in a loooong time. I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't. But, like I said, he broke up with me last night and I couldn't help it. There are six very light ones on my wrist from a serated kitchen knfe. It was the only thing I could find as he has removed ALL razors from my vicinity.

 

---

 

 

1. where did you get the idea for cutting/self-injury?: I've been cutting since I was 11. I don't know where.

 

2. what did you think of the idea the first time you heard it?: I don't remember.

 

3. are you planning to keep it up for your whole life?: No. As soon as my employment benefits start, I would like to get back on meds.

 

4. do you feel like this is the perfect solution to your internal pain?: Not at all.

 

5. would you know where to turn for help if you wanted to stop?: Yes, but I don't have the money for real conselors.

 

6. how does pain + more pain = less pain? When I'm hurting inside really badly, the physical pain almost outdoes the internal pain and gives me something to focus on. It also allows me to see that I really am alive. I really am I person. And I bleed real blood like everyone else. I sometimes wonder how other people can hurt me so badly, so hurting myself helps me see how unimportant my feelings really are.

 

7. would you recommend this type of behavior to a suffering child?: Never.

[only_me_1974]

1. Why do you harm? Impulse and the need to release my internal thoughts and feelings.

 

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)? Actually, I usually burn now. I do it on my upper arms and thighs. Usually in my room cause no one bothers me.

 

3. What time of day does it usually occur? Night time. I hate Night time

 

4. How do you feel a)before? b)after? Before: Like crap, like I can't do/say anything right. I hate everything

After: Freedom from my thoughts. Relief

 

5. How many times do you harm? ie. how many cuts, punches, burns etc. Last time was 2 days or so ago and it was one burn on my thigh.

 

Other questions:

1. where did you get the idea for cutting/self-injury?: Um, I learned in a group home when I was 12. One of the other girls was doing it.

 

2. what did you think of the idea the first time you heard it? I want to try that. Mainly attention seeking at the time.

 

3. are you planning to keep it up for your whole life? Nope, I would love to be able to stop

 

4. do you feel like this is the perfect solution to your internal pain? For now

 

5. would you know where to turn for help if you wanted to stop? Yeah, but I am not in therapy yet.

 

6. how does pain + more pain = less pain? It makes me realize that I am alive. That I am a person. That I DO have feelings. That only I can control myself.

 

7. would you recommend this type of behavior to a suffering child? No way, Not to an adult either!

[ButterflyWrists]

1. Why do you harm? To get back at people/myself

2. Where do you cut (on the body and place in the world)? My arms stomache, in my bed.

3. What time of day does it usually occur? nighttime

4. How do you feel a)before? Crap b)after? better

5. How many times do you harm? loads, about 10 per place. 3 times a night