Shes Engaged!

[PinkFox]

(umm wait! don't get involved in this mess - if her head is on right she would have broken it off before she started anything with you. looks like shes keeping all her eggs till one hatches, and in the end this may hurt you.

 

EDIT : sorry delayed post - i posted for page one.)

 

 

sorry for your situation OP - everything works for the ultimate best.

[chris101]

I asked her yesterday by text where do we stand and where do we go from here.

She said 'Subconsciously I think we need to take things slightly slower to ease reality when we might have to end it'.

I didn't reply so she sent a text saying 'Comment?'.

I replied saying 'fair enough, we will take it easy'.

Then she replied 'dont analyse too much, its not healthy'.

 

I really do want to be with her as its the first time in a relationship it feels so right and good. Yes there has been aditional complications but she has eventually told me about them and I do have a tendency to over analyse, jump to conclusions and be clingy.

[lady00]

You need to separate out your feelings from reality. The sad truth is, relationships sometimes don't work out even if both people are crazy about each other. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. Your situation is complicated but the bottom line is she's engaged and so being with her right now is impossible. This may be the first time it feels right and good to you as you say, but that doesn't mean it will be the last. Things may not work out between you two, but at least have faith that there are plenty of other people in the world whom you could love and be loved by.

[chris101]

After taking every 1s advice and yesterday speaking to a friend I have from today started a no contact method. I am giving her space and to see if she contacts me. Last 4-5 days I have been doing all the chasing and it seems the closer I get the more distant she is.

Last night I tried calling her and she ended up switching off her phone and then at night text saying ' Im in bed and so is every 1 else around me, so I will talk to you tomorrow morning. Is that ok?'

I replied saying 'yeah cool. Gudnight'.

 

I am just gonna act normal with her and if she mentions breaking up if she ever calls ill just say fine and change the subject. If she wants me then she can have me but no more am I showing that I am mad about her. Some gals love that but this one surely does the opposite.

 

I believe because of the events ive already lost her, but if theres anyway back then this is the only way.

 

Thanx all

[chris101]

Since the last time I posed on here, she has moved to her home town now.

I spoke to her the night before she left and she asked me to call her in the morning (the day she was leaving to go home).

I made sure I woke up on time and when I called she said she was busy but thanx for calling and that she will text me her new number after shes reached home.

 

4-5 days past when she reached home and she didnt text. She came online on the 4th/5th day and she was the first to say hi and then straight away said she hasnt bought any credit. We just had a general convo where she was delayed in replying most of the time. Then she was going. So I asked ' dont I get your new number?' and she said 'oh yeh 00....)' and then she left.

Since then I called her the day after to just see how she was and she seemed very happy and then she mentioned she was going to watch a movie. This movie was the same one we watched together on our first date where we got close. So I said you wont get the same comfort or humour as I am not there. She replied saying she wouldnt need it as she is no more in a relationship.

I asked her is she over me and she said no and she doesnt think about it.

 

I then asked her about her fiance and if she changed her mind, but she had the same answer that she didnt want to be with him.

 

She told me her mum gathered her daughters around and the mother said how shes proud of them all and especially her 2nd to youngest (my x). The mother said she feels her days are little to live now but shes found a nice guy and shes really happy about them.

 

My x said how she hoped her mother was just having a moment and didnt actually really feel like that.

After a while we was speaking about her fiance and and us and then she said she was getting a headache and had to go. So I said ok and always stay happy and let her go.

 

Next night I asked her to text me when she was free and it was only till the next day she texted me saying she was.

I didnt reply as I thought I was trying to much again, so today I texted her back saying sorry for not calling as I got busy and just general asking how she was.

 

She hasnt replied and I don't think she will lol

 

Im kind of stuck as I dont really know exactly how she is. She could be genuine but just really blonde in her actions or she knows what she doing and just playing games.

[Beyondthesea]

Ignore her, you are only prolonging your pain. It's quite obvious she is not going to leave her fiance regardless of if she loves him or not. She is too concerned about her family and religion.

 

BTW, are you even part of the same religious circle? So if she broke it off with him and you weren't, you would never be accepted anyway and her family would disown her.

 

If you really care about her, leave her alone and push her away. You said yourself you want a short term thing...is that worth making the girl choose between you and her family?

 

Don't break this up unless you are planning to marry her. Bow out gracefully friend.

[chris101]

Ignore her, you are only prolonging your pain. It's quite obvious she is not going to leave her fiance regardless of if she loves him or not. She is too concerned about her family and religion.

 

BTW, are you even part of the same religious circle? So if she broke it off with him and you weren't, you would never be accepted anyway and her family would disown her.

 

If you really care about her, leave her alone and push her away. You said yourself you want a short term thing...is that worth making the girl choose between you and her family?

 

Don't break this up unless you are planning to marry her. Bow out gracefully friend.

 

I would love to marry her but it would be difficult from her side hence why I decided just having 7-8 months with her in this country would be better then nothing.

[chris101]

Well 2 weeks+ later we are still talking but its clear she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

 

She feels because we got so physical, shes now feeling dirty and needs to reforme.

Its funny, as according to her now shes finally told her finace she can't be with him and also told her family. So shes single.

However she doesn't want to be sinning nor putting herself or family through pain.

 

Her words wer ' please lets just become better people, this is a really harsh world i understand that'.

 

1 thing I dont understand is she keeps saying ' no we have to end it ' even though shes made the choice which she is saying is hard for her as well. Shes not ending it herself but just saying we need to end it.

I've told her to end it in person and her reaction was ' i wont be able to do it in person '. She feels it will never ever happen between me and her and tells me to forget her but still cant directly tell me 'its over'.

 

In the end I told her if your going to reject me and break up with me, to it to my face. She said she couldn't but I told her that was the only way I would accept it fully.

She said she will have to build up the courage to do that.

 

This journey has come to more or less to an end, it just needs the final part now I think.