Does she like to be treated this way???

[mikeywins21]

So me and my g/f just broke up. 2 reasons for this recent break up that "She's" told me. #1 It's a long distance relationship, I just moved back to NY after being away for 3 years and me and my current ex just started taking again. I think she might of been confused when I told her I was moving back to NY cuz she got all happy that she could see me, but it's 5 hours away. #2 is that she just turned 24, has also moved back in with her parents and at this point they want her to grow up and get a real job and her own place. She's taken on 3 jobs to make enough money to get her own place by the end of the summer. So with her working over 70 hours a week and us not seeing eachother more than 2 times a month it just wasnt' working. But I wonder if that's what it really is...........

 

 

See I've known this girl for 7 years now, she was 18 and I just turned 20. We always talked as just friends and after being just friends for about 4 years one day I told her I was getting married to this girl I met and had been dating for a year. She got very upset at this and tried to talk me out of it. She told me this girl is not the one for me and that I am making a huge mistake. I basically told her to F off and we didn't talk for almost 3 years. So after I got divorced and started chatting with old frineds again and I IMed her by mistake one day we just started catching up. When I got back home she wanted to see me right away. We got together and it was NOT just friends anymore, there were so many more emotions going on with both of us. She had told me about alot of her ex b/f's all being jerks, the last guy was a drunk, he tried to break her rist at a Football game that SHE took him to, she was always paying for all the guys that she was with. Most of them didn't have jobs, her one ex that she was with the longest (1 year) he cheated on her 3 times and she kept taking him back till the 3rd time when she came home to HER apartment and saw him there with his g/f.

 

So my question is this..... do girls that are very giving like my current ex, do they like jerks, do they like guys that treat them like crap???? I mean here she's had noting but losers that have hurt her over and over again and i come along and give her the world and treat her like gold and she breaks up with me. Should I have been more of a jerk????

[Goldfish6888]

Long distances are hard in the long run. Though 5 hours away is not too bad. I had a long distance of 3500 miles away.

 

I think maybe she doesn't know what she wants.

 

You were good to her - don't beat yourself up over this! You are better than all the guys she dated put together!

 

Maybe she is really busy and maybe the long distance is getting to her. But she may realise as time goes on that the grass is not greener without you.

 

In the meantime, i would date other people and just have a little Summer fun. Easier said than done, but you deserve someone who appreciates you.

 

Lotsa hugs

[mikeywins21]

Thanks hun, I think I'm gonna give the dateing seen a rest for a while. Just getting out of a divorce and then going threw yet another break up is just too much. Maybe one day she will come around. She did tell me that I was the best b/f she's ever had. But that could of just been a nice thing to say to a nice guy. And us 20 somethings always seem to come to a crossroads in our lives at this time. 24-25. we feel it's something we need to do to change our lives, weather we get married or move away FAR away. Or start a job that will turn into a carear someday. She's taking on way too much right now. But is pushing me away at the same time. Not contacting me, leaving away messages up to make me jealous and call her. Stuff like that

[Goldfish6888]

Well you deserve someone who does appreciate you!! You sound like a great guy! Believe me even us 30 something's suffer from crossroads! She is taking on a lot, but you need to give it space. She will come around. But don't be holding your breath for her. I know its hard, I've just gone through a break up myself and I would like to date, but I'm finding it hard. Some days I find it okay and others i find harder. If she is pushing you away - respect that - you can't force someone to be with you - unfortunately.

 

Another things I've learnt from my break up - is look at someone's actions....they speak louder than words.........I should've done that and I would not be in this mess....

 

X

[kellbell]

Mikey,

 

No way. A woman does not want to date A JERK. A woman wants to be a man whom is confident, is not a DOORMAT, courteous, thoughtful, but yet a gentleman.

 

There is a difference between being nice and being a doormat. Read this link about your predicament.

 

 

[mikeywins21]

Well when I say I'm a nice guy it means just that. I come from a very close family, my parents are Christans and after 30 years of marriage act like they are still in love (and I believe this) watching this has only made me want to find my true love more and more. My parents both did a great job of rasing me but I was much closer to my mother, and just seeing how my dad treated her growing up I took notice,

 

 

 

So when I say I'm one of those nice guys it means......... I remember how she told me she loved going to the beach one day while we were talking, so I take her to the beach as a surprise on our frist date, even tho she thought I wasn't paying attation, And I remembered how she told me Yellow Roses were her favorite flower while we were out shopping one day, so for no reason at all just b/c she is having a rough week I get her a dozen Yellow roses. And just when she thinks we are not spending enough time together I show up on my day off to see her with out telling her cuz I know she's been thinking of me and would love to see me. But as far as being a doormat. I am not one of those at all. I speak my mind, I get in fights, when she says something should be this way if I don't agree I tell her. Even if it means getting in a fight. And I expect some things in return for all the sweet things I do to make someone else happy. And if I don't see it I either back off from doing these things or maybe even mention it or show it's expected after a while. So no doormat here

[kellbell]

Okay, so you are not a doormatt BUT she just was not the one for you. You deserve to be with someone whom appretiates your thoughtfulness.

[mikeywins21]

she seemed to appretiate me alot, just couldn't be there for me as much as I was for her. at least that's what she said, soooooo what do I do when she calls up one day and seems like she wants to get back together????

[kellbell]

It does not matter what she said, go by her actions and her actions are flirting with other men on the net, trying to make you jealous, and breaking up with you. Words are easy to say, actions are another story.

[Goldfish6888]

Kellbell says exactly what I said......actions speak louder than words...anyone can say "I appreciate you," but someone who does something that says this like driving 5 hours to see you because she misses you......says soooo much more.

[mikeywins21]

Funny you should say that b/c when I first moved back home to NY she and her friend came up to see me cuz she didn't have the money to drive up here and pay for a hotel and stuff like that. (we both live with our parents that's the reason for the hotel) Anyway after she came up here I went down there the next weekend, and we spent 2 great days together, she took me out around the city and we met alot of her friends and all this other stuff. Then another week went by, I started to miss her alot so I drove down there with out even telling her and just surprised her, when she saw me she started to cry, she said no one's ever done this before and that she's always the one having to go see her b/f's in the past.

 

Then a couple weeks went by and I went down again for her b-day, even tho at the time I was making way more money than she was it was still getting to be alot of money for me. The surprise trip alone cost me a total of 180 bucks FOR ONE NIGHT! So I could see why it was hard for her only having the one job that she worked at 3 or 4 days a week and not getting the money to come all the way to see me. Once she did get a second job I thought things would be different. I don't know if she took on the other job to make more money so that we could see eachother more or if it was just her parents getting on her all the time.

 

 

When she did finally tell me we had to break it off for now a few of the reasons she gave me was the distance, she said that everytime she planned to come up here to see me a bill would come up or they were gonna shut off her phone, or her car payment was due the next week. She did say she tried so many times to come see me but with all the bills she had to take care of it just wasn't working out. At one point she took on 3 jobs, after reading her survey she posted on MySpace last night I have learned that she quit one of the jobs so she would have time to sleep. That was reason 2 that we broke up, she was working about 70 hours a week, 2 jobs back to back 16 hours or more a day so she didn't have time to be there for me the way she wanted to. who knows when and if her life is ever gonna get in order. I can't wait around forever but I also need to be single for a while, at this point even if another girl did come along I would be flatered but I need to be happy with myself and how my life is going before I can make someone else happy. I need time to heal still after my divorce.