Really Down, sad, so depressed

[thunder]

Hi I'm 23 never had a girl friend I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm just really shy when it comes to women, I've only ever been on one date which was a disaster, I remember I was sick before going on the date, and felt ill for weeks dwelling failing to impress which I knew was going to happen, Which has added to my fears.

When it comes to talking to girls I don't know how to talk to them unless there girl m8s, chatting women up is on a different level how do you do it?, you carn't just approach a stranger in the street and ask them out on a date

 

Things seem to be changing in my social life at the moment which I'm finding hard It was always me and my m8s going out to pubs and clubs but now they all seem to have girl friends who come out with us all the time, they all seem on best behaviour and wana settle down the atmosphere so different around them I carn't seem to enjoy myself around them because I'm jealous of them. my best m8 has just started going out with his first girlfriend It was always just me and him which helped me not feel so bad, but even hes gone away with his girlfriend today, I feel so on my own

I find it hard to smile I just want to cry I'm so scared of being left on my own for life which I can see happening,

Today I was so depressed after thinking about in the gym I got in my car and just drove for 2 hrs until I got into a city I never been before and spent money on anything.

 

My dream is if I had a girfriend I could go places a bit more and not feel so lonely go out with her for meals, holiday aboad, theme parks Its something I always think about.

People at work keep irritating me about not having a girlfriend I feel a bit embarressed when they mention it and makes me feel really depressed.

[robowarrior]

First off all you need to get a life for your own. If you honestly think 'omg my life will be happy once i have a girl' your in for the wrong. You see you should never give the power of your life to somewhere where it doesn't belong, namely into the hands of another person. Hold it with yourself, that way you prevent yourself from going into a relationship expecting things to work out just because it concerns your case, reality is that a girl can pack her bags and leave any day. You need to understand that a relationship is all about being together but still letting eachother be able to do their own thing, and not start making arguments as they act as poison to the relationship and can lead to big break ups. So always put love and light on a continues basis into the relationship, this because loving and helping other people is the meaning of life to begin with.

 

Ask yourself, what have i ever gained by being shy? The answer is zero, thus you should discard it from your life. When you goto a girl just put your mind on zero and talk, even in the worst case scenario, don't go up to her with the idea, its going to work out and im going to date her. Although that is a good attitude, goto her thinking even if the talks go wrong it will be dating experience for me, that way its always a win win situation for you. Even if its absolute garbage, there's more girls out there who you can practise on, see just consider it as practise. And if anything practise makes perfect, so if you keep on trying (and i warn you the dating world can be a very harsh place) then eventually you will so much experience that you'll manage to get a girl.

[onewithbooks]

Dating can be a lot of fun, it can also be a lot of stress and worry. Just know that even though the girl may appear as cool as a cucumber, she is probably just as nervous as you are. Just take a deep breath and relax, pretend that you are just chatting with a close friend. If you cant think of anything to talk about, give her a compliment, or ask her about her favorite movie/ music and such. This will help to show that you are interested in her.(though thats not 100 percent guarenteed)

 

Most of all just relax and be yourself. Remember you are a good person, and you are worth having someone who deserves you.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm sure you'll have a girlfriend soon if you just put yourself out there. for now, if someone brings up the fact that you don't have one you can just say something like "yeah well, if you know anybody, i'm looking," and that should end the conversation.

[Haven]

Here's one thing you can try: talk to everyone you meet. Even if they're someone you would NEVER befriend or date, still introduce yourself and make an effort. People don't always meet potential boyfriends/girlfriends randomly; often they meet them through mutual friends, family members, or acquaintances. By increasing your social network, you will greatly increase your chance of meeting a girl. Also, this will enable you to practice your social skills, which will help with your shyness around girls.

 

Tips for chatting with girls you are interested in -- just be yourself, and be friendly. Talk to them like you would talk to any other girl. However, one main difference is that you should maintain eye contact, smile, and just basically act interested.

 

And when people bother you about not having a girlfriend, then say something like, "Fine, do you know a girl I could date?"

[eremy]

Haven, you've always got something interesting to say, you don't by chance live in the san diego area do ya? But she is right, most girls you meet aren't going to be randomly at a club or a bar or some such. You say your friends are all dating now, use that to your advantage! I'm willing to bet at least one of your friends' gf has some single friend who she'd be willing to introduce to you. And maybe some of these girls might not have all that you're looking for...at first glance. Don't be afraid to just take a chance and see where things lead. Right now you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so just give it all ya got, and by all means, have fun and be happy!

[Haven]

Haven, you've always got something interesting to say, you don't by chance live in the san diego area do ya?

Haha, actually I live like..on the opposite side of the country

[corvidae]

That Robowarrior guy is right. Also, he's a robowarrior which is impressive. You have to make the most of what you have. People are always striving for some mystical thing that will make them happy, but it doesn't work like that. Even if you got a girlfriend, that will come with a whole new set of worries and problems. Learn to be happy with what you have NOW.

[Kevin T]

I understand where you're coming from. Believe me, I do.

 

You want someone in your life to make you feel special, that you can share all of your experiences with, both good and bad. Correct?

 

I feel the same way. The only difference between you and I is: I used to have that.

 

Can I say that having that special someone doesn't make a difference in one's life? (Since after all, we have to be "happy with ourselves" first.) No. Because it does.

 

Maybe I should stop living in the past; but one thing I do know is this: When I had someone in my life who I cared for, that genuinely cared for me, I was happy. Something I am most certainly not now.

 

Make no mistake, as important as being your own person may be, you'll never be complete without another person. How do I know this? Not through personal experience, but because I can see it in your post. You sound almost exactly like me (except that I once had what you desire and lost it).