Serious questions about Getting Back Together

[MISSING LINK]

Hi all. I'm new to this forum but been lurking for a bit.

 

I have read a lot of posts on why you should or should not attempt to reconcile with an ex. However I don't see any REAL advice on how to

proceed once "getting back together' has happened. What I mean is once a

breakup has happened, there is a crack in the foundation of the relationship.

Aside from getting counseling ...what other methods are there? It's imperative that the issues that broke you up should be addressed before things can ever move forward....but how exactly do you do this?

 

My questions are: What steps can you take to ensure the same issues don't pop up again?

 

Is it necessary to keep talking about things that happened before?

Some people tend to just sweep things under the rug and not address them. Wouldn;t this be a detriment?

 

HOW do you talk about those "issues" without sounding distrustful..or like a broken record?

 

If one person was the role of the "pursuer" in the initial relationship, how

can you make that more balanced the next time around?

 

Thanks in advance for your replies!!!

 

M.L.

[BONO]

I have a thread on this I posted a few months ago, I'll go find it and bump it to the top for ya

 

Scruff

[annie24]

well, there may not be as much real advice because only 3% of people get back and stay back with their exes long term! well, I don't know if it's 3, but it's a very tiny percentage of total relationships that get back together, for more than just a few days, weeks, or months.

 

(and did you know that 67% of all statistics are made up on the spot?)

 

what is the issue that you are referring to that broke you two up? it can affect our answer.

[iceman85]

Missing Link take a read of my post that I have bumped for you, what I have learned and would like to share for you all. I think that is what your looking for in terms of advice.

[fatfaso]

Ok. I think getting back together has a lot do with the reasons you broke up with in the first place.

 

If you broke up because somebody cheated or somebody was abusive or somebody didn't satisfy the other persons emotional needs, you'll have an uphill battle getting back together.

 

HOWEVER, if you guys broke up because you both had things you wanted to do in your lives (ex. focusing on your career, graduating from school and transitioning to the real world), once you guys both do what you feel you need to do, you might feel like you now have room in your life for the person you broke up with and you might decide go get back together. Provided both parties want the same thing and neither person is dating anybody else, I think both people can get back together with each other... every relationship is different though. Statistics are ok to look at, but no couple is exactly alike, so its like comparing apples to oranges. Always keep that in mind.

 

If you guys had problems and that is why you broke up, you should address them, but don't get ahead of yourself. Address your issues if and when you get back together. Until then, you have to decide if you want to follow this forum's general suggestion (which is NO CONTACT with your ex) OR if you want to keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes its too painful to keep talking to your ex, but if you can handle it, its probably not a bad idea... You have do decide what's best for you. If you decide to keep talking to your "ex," keep it fun... try not to talk about your relationship too much... that will just drive him or her away.

 

Good luck!

[Beyondthesea]

The first thing is to deal with whatever issue arose to cause the breakup to begin with, then to deal what was underneath that: lack of communication, lack of trust, etc. You really have to delve within yourselves and ask why it happened.