Feeling a bit alone ]=

[Allie.]

Well, I do feel a bit alone today so I'm just going to ramble on a bit. I hope you don't mind. =/ hah. I think I need to do this probably because I was a) thinking about how there are going to be new girls present in our workplace next year and that he might go off with them or b) I was rummaging through some old stuff today and found a reminder of my PAST deepest relationship yet [not this current break-up i'm suffering from but the previou sone]. That relationship lasted for about a year but it was most perfect...till...he cheated on me. I had to get medical help after that relationship. I was SO heart-broken and today, I found some CD's his band had recorded for me and it reminded me of him and how perfect we were. I find this to be quite odd because I'm suffering from a break-up from another relationship so why is my past relationship bothering me so much?

 

either way...let's ramble [= hahah.

 

well...do you ever feel like the world is such an unfair place...hmm...why does this have to happen? So many broken hearts...etc...what does the devil get by wrecking hearts of the innocent. My relationship problem was a bit different because we had liked eachother for about a year but been in a relationship for about a two weeks because my guy had a "christian and white" girl only policy....so...since we had such little "official" couple time together...nothing ever really went wrong....everything [in the relationship]..was...literally...perfect. which leads me to say....

 

I KNOW the relationship didn't end because of something I said or did...it was because of...who i am. he was unsure of what he wanted in the first place and just sort of broke my heart even though he was unsure of a relationship with me in the first place...yet..he initated it. roar. either way...i just feel a bit alone these days.

 

I know a few new girls are going to be "around" next year...and I just started thinking about what if he hooked up with them in front of me and i'd have to watch it all happen right in front of my eyes. I'm not nearly as afraid of the thought of him with another woman but rather the pain i will have to go through when i find out he is content with another woman.

 

There is also a lot of pressure on me to be "friends" again. I was his best-friend for the previous year. Literally, no one knew us better than eachother. and we did have closure and ended on a fair note where i said we'd be friends again...with time. and soon enough when the summer is over...i'm going to have to see him constantly and i'm really worried about that because i won't be able to prevent NC...and believe it or not...i have full intentions to become his best-friend again. I know thats silly. But still...I really do want to become friends with him again even if it kills me....i mean, when we were best-friends...i watched him flit from girl to girl...i handled it quite well.

 

I donno. I just wish he'd call and maybe just send me a message...but he can't call cuz a friend of mine scared him away by saying something like, "i wouldn't talk to her if i were you..." and i mean, if he sent me a message...i wont get it cuz i got a new e-address and don't go on myspace anymore. There is that little hope. I'm not killing myself over it but i mean...its there.

 

I don't know...all in all...I wish that this "moving on" thing went faster. I want it all to end. Hmm? and YES, I know it takes time and seperation and thats what i'm giving it...but it scares me that...well, NC won't be preventable as soon as the summer's over so i was hoping i'd be over it before the summer is over.

 

I mean, its just hard being different...and thats a whole other ball game so i won't go to there. but like the movie goes:

 

"What I don't understand is why you're trying to fit in when you're BORN to stand out."

 

always.

Allie.

 

P.S- Even though this is simply a "ramble"...any words of wisdom, any experiences, lessons learned, or merely words of comfort will be greatly. greatly. greatly appreciated.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Why do you want torture yourself by being friend with him?

 

He is really not good for you.

 

He did not choose you, so it is at best to move on.

[Allie.]

Why do you want torture yourself by being friend with him?

 

yes. I understand that. thats why i've been keeping NC for about 2 months now...I just wish that one day we could be friends again...when I'm ready...and I wish...that "one day" was sooner [=

 

can't we speed this up? -le sigh- don't answer that.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

IMO, you are having a denial stage.

 

Yes, it is possible to become friends later on. But it does not come a fews months later.

 

If you have a new boy friend, would you still want to remain friends with him or if he already has a new girl friend, would he still want to remain friends with you?

[Allie.]

If you have a new boy friend, would you still want to remain friends with him or if he already has a new girl friend, would he still want to remain friends with you?

 

definitely. that's how it was for a year before we went out. we were great friends. we only dated for about two weeks and but we had liked eachother for months...I was there for him when he had girlfriends and he was there for me when I had boyfriends. Whenever something went wrong...I called him...and vice versa. his relationship meant a lot to me but so did his friendship....

 

and NC is not going to preventable por que we work at the same place and i'm going to have to talk to him. ]=

What do I do then?

[Silentlyfor]

Allie I read the post and... it's uncanny. We've went through the SAME EXACT THING. Except I rejecting her vie for friendship. I couldn't trust her. I wanted her all or nothing. Not a little snack in between. We were also best friends. We also loved each other. But I asked myself when she broke up with me, what would I gain by being with her?

 

Nothing, that's what.

 

Allie, the question from me to you is, what do you want from a friendship with him? And, more importantly, what do you NEED

[Allie.]

Allie, the question from me to you is, what do you want from a friendship with him? And, more importantly, what do you NEED

 

-sigh- you're completely right. I'm not going to push friendship at all. Thank you so much.

 

allie.