NC causing ex to go crazy

[JohnnyTable]

I am too drained to explain the full story, but a thread can be viewed here:

link removed

 

Bottom line is that I implemented NC with my ex to heal. I would respond to her emails, until she started emailing and calling me asking to hang out. It felt like manipulation. After a few days I told her that I wasn't interested in hanging out and she went off on me.

 

Wow, to be honest I didn't see it coming. Its like she is hurting and trying to make me hurt as well. I now feel like the dumpee is dumping the dumper.

 

She is asking for me to explain, but honestly I don't know what to do at this point other than to say nothing. Why should I have to explain why I don't want to hang out with somebody who broke up with me? It would be impossible for me to move on.

[InaneCathode]

No contact means not talking to her. If she emails you, ignore it.

If you want to heal you'll ignore her completely.

[brando]

Interesting JT. I read this may sometimes happen as well. SO what is it you want to do???

[GottaLetItBurn]

Why should I have to explain why I don't want to hang out with somebody who broke up with me? It would be impossible for me to move on.

 

exaclty you don't. Love this moment, she has made a mistake and she is trying so hard to fix it so SHE feels better. Many people never get this oppurtunity to make them deal with the consequences. I know you may be hurting, but you are in control.

 

She dumped you, and now must deal with the consequences. She may be running back to you with tears in her eyes, but she should have cherished you. Now you should just say with your actions, "You don't get to be lucky enough to hang out with me and feel loved by me".

 

Man, I feel your frustration though. Just know you don't owe her anything, we all back you on that. That is such obnoxious behavior for her to act like your some toy she can pick up and play with again. Please just ignore her, she needs to learn her lesson.

[JohnnyTable]

Thank you.

 

Funny thing is that she could have had me back if she went about it in a different way. In a way that showed respect for my perspective, what was wrong, and how things have been fixed on her end. Instead this is just being selfish. I don't think that she really wants me back, she just wants control and wants to feel okay about things.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Yea I know what you mean. It's obvious that if she was serious she would apologize and really make an attempt to talk it out. Not this BS of hang out with me so I know your my little puppy dog that will do what I want when I want.

 

You got a handle on things.

[JohnnyTable]

It is hard not to respond to her tonight. Her email is burning in my head. I'll give her credit that she knows how to write an email to try and illicit a response when I have already turned her down.

 

A member on the other forum thinks that I need to end things peacefully with her. Not sure that I agree given that I haven't been hostile. Sure I was short and not pouring with emotion, but why should I be? She is the one that said f-you. She ended the relationship. I am just trying to move on.

[stacy2211]

Why did she decide to break up with you?

Im not sure if this is a similar experience but I told my date after a few months I did not want to see him anymore, mainly because I thought he was not making enough time for me. (I said it in a very unpleasnat manner).

Sure enough, he took it seriously and it only took me one day to realize I was being too hard on him for being in the beginning stages of dating.

I tired to apologize the next day by calling, and then left him two messages the follwing two Thursdays to try to get him to hang out (I didnt want to dwell on the past). After he did not respond for the thrid time, I saw him out and told him I was sorry for over-reacting, although he still ignored me.

The last week when I saw him out, he was with another woman and even flaunted her in my face after I tried to make things right. It was a very humiliating experience. The bottom line though is that I only tried to "break up" because I liked him so much and felt like he wasn't making me a priority (although now I realize my expectations were way too high for the stage of our relationship and I scared him away).

I am completely heartbroken that he has blown me off and ignored me after I tried hard to get him back and make things right. He's done such a good job of it that I feel like he never even liked me o begin with, he's so cold to me now. If your girlfriend broke up over a reason because she liked you a lot (or realized very soon her mistake) maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt?

[blemished]

Hi JT, I am going through something similar, although my ex is being much more covert about his true motives. But I can tell you this, they are doing it out of selfishness, not thinking about you AT ALL. That alone is enough to warrant NC for eternity, in my opinion. Who wants to be with someone who is so selfish as to cause you pain to prevent themselves from it?

[JohnnyTable]

Hi JT, I am going through something similar, although my ex is being much more covert about his true motives. But I can tell you this, they are doing it out of selfishness, not thinking about you AT ALL. That alone is enough to warrant NC for eternity, in my opinion. Who wants to be with someone who is so selfish as to cause you pain to prevent themselves from it?

 

Isn't that the truth!

 

In response to an email where I said I need distance from her, she writes back saying how she has no regrets and hopes that I don't either (ie fishing for me to say this), saying how she was happy to have me in her life (saying she still wants me in her life), and thanking me for being a good person to her (saying that she wants me to keep being a good person to her). At least this is how I interpret those things.

 

Then to sign she says, "Love, (x)". She hadn't put Love at the bottom of an email for months before we broke up, let alone months after!

 

So I see this stuff as inappropriate selfish behavior. She is not respecting my boundary of wanting to move forward, which I have made clear to her.

 

I think that they are realizing what they have lost and trying to hold on to the part that they want to keep.