Fiance hit a sore spot

[LaceGrl]

My fiance hit a sore spot that I didn't know existed tonight. He asked why we couldn't make love like "normal" people. I don't know what came over me but tears just started running down my eyes. I asked him to explain in detail. He said that there are too many complications when we make love.

 

I have a severe allergy to latex. The allergy is so bad that my vagina swells up like a balloon and gets feverish and stays that way for days. So we can't use latex condoms and I don't and will never take the pill. I've only had one other sexual partner previous to him and his girth was no where near the size of my fiance's... My fiance has an abnormally large penis that curves. I've asked him to get the lambskin condoms. I feel comfortable b/c we are a monogamous couple. Nonetheless, he has yet to get them and I just keep forgetting. I guess it just hurt my feelings that he said our love making wasn't normal. I thought he would be understanding of my allergy and the fact that it's taking me a while to get used to his size down there. Frankly, I don't know that I will never get used to it.

 

His comment just hurt. I can't explain it.

[Phoenix69]

FAIR ENOUGH!!! Making love is THE most intimate thing you can do with a person. If you can't feel comfortable about something that maybe be a little different with you (The whole allergy thing must SUCK!!) then who the hell CAN you feel comfortable with? You need to tell him it hurt your feelings. If he can't apologise for making you upset (He may not have intended it that way, but hey, its happened and he could at least apologise for it) then you may wish to reconsider sleeping with him EVER again! (I know thats not really feesable, but hey, you coudl always threaten )

 

Im real sorry you feel like that. Hope something happens to help you out

[curbie]

Hello & welcome to enotalone.com

 

I am sorry to hear that your current SO (significant other) isn't so understanding of your situation. It sounds like he needs to be a lot more sensitive to such a delicate subject. I had a g/f who somewhat reacted the same way to latex, but it was a certain kind...or maybe the brand name. They've got so many kinds out there it's not funny. But we switched with no problems and I was understanding. It didn't bother me one bit.

 

I'm just guessing...but by reading your post, you've already tried sitting down with your SO and explaining to him how this reaction bothers your body? Try talking to him and hopefully he will be more responsive and more sensitive to your needs. It should work both ways...and not just a one way street. If he is unwilling to compromise...then cut him off. If he throws a fit...then it's apparent he wants you just for the sex. If he really truly loves you...he will conform and suit your needs as well.

[chainsaw_kitten87]

what is a monogamous couple???

[coollady1957]

Wow what a predicament you have. I can certainly understand your being hurt by his words.

 

If I were you I would make a serious mental note to myself to GO AND BUY the non latex condoms since you are allergic to the latex . Don't wait on and rely on him to get them. I would also not be suffering and using the latex ones anyway if they are going to cause you an allergic reaction.

 

You also said that he has an abnormally large and curved penis. Most guys penises are not perfectly straight and may curve one way or the other a bit when erect

 

. When you say abnormally large........ um,, I dont want this to come out wrong when I ask this,,,,,, but how large are you saying abnormally large is ?

 

As I see it , you have two problems , an allergy to latex and a fiancee with an overly large curved penis. You two really need to talk seriously about this and maybe even get some professional advice about the condoms and protection that would be best for you.

[melrich]

I asked him to explain in detail. He said that there are too many complications when we make love.

 

Why on earth would using a different sort of condom be a complication?

[itsallgrand]

I am of a different perspective than the others. I think BOTH of you may be getting frustrated with this situation, and so emotions are running high.

His comment could easily be a reaction to a feeling of rejection of sorts.

You're reacting too.

Don't get me wrong: I can understand you feeling hurt. However, it may be time for a breather and to get things into perspective here. The bedroom isn't for this stuff.

 

There seems to be a few things going on.

*Your allergy; and the fact that you refuse to go on the pill or to be reliable on buying condoms that are okay.

Obvious question: why are pills or depo not an option?

 

Others may disagree with me here; but I think it is your allergy and your body- hence your responsibility to provide workable protection. Do not rely on him. You can't get upset truly until you have done all you can do to make the situation work. The two of you have other things to work on together....

 

*His penis and how it relates to your body. Please be very careful in how you react to him and deal with that. Men are oh-so-sensitive about that area. Tread lightly and respectfully and always with acceptance or pleasure. It may take some creativity and a lot of patience.

 

Can't go wrong if you do!

 

I'm sure the two of you can work this out once the emotions simmer down. Talk, find solutions, keep a sense of humour.

 

In the rare instance where your body parts simply are too different to be compatible: I can't offer advice there. lol.

 

good luck

[arwen]

I can imagine that this frustrates him. I have a allergy to latex as well, not as severe as you do, but still. I have a IUD (Mirena) and it's a bliss! This thing is about compromising. Why not buy non-latex ones? THey are expensive but then again, worth the money! They are nicer for the men as well, harder to put on but thinner.

 

You will get used to size. My man is huge and I didn't know how to handle but it all goes well now. Seriously, consider an alternative to the pill and if you are both tested you won't even have to worry about the condoms.

 

Ilse

[RayKay]

It is both your responsibility to use the best birth control for you.

 

Buy the condoms yourself, or look into other options for birth control. There are many non hormonal methods if you are concerned about hormones - copper IUD, diaphragm/cervical caps with spermicide, etc. For extra protection you can also use these non-hormonal methods in conjunction with charting your cycle to avoid more fertile days (since you are not on hormones you would still be ovulating).

 

As for his penis, most men's penises DO curve in some way, and I am not sure what you consider "abnormally large" but they also come in a VARIETY of sizes and widths, and that is why vaginas are designed to be so stretchy and accomodating. You can birth a baby out of there, you can handle a large penis! It may take time, patience and lots of lubrication, but it is very possible!

 

His comments came out wrong, but I think maybe he feels frustrated too at the lack of intimacy, and maybe at how sex may have become more of a "battle" than a pleasure. It is something to be enjoyed, and if he feels rejected because of these "complications" it is adding stress to the experience.

 

You need to talk about this outside the bedroom, in an adult, relaxed way.

[Rabican]

trojan makes a polyethelene (spelling?) condom... its sort of like a plastic sandwhich baggy material... its actually not too bad. It was a little snug getting on... which may be bad for your oversized man. Might be worth a try though. Why wont you use the pill? it might help out.

 

And dont forget the lube... makes things easier to fit down there.

[LaceGrl]

Well, I went to CVS and purchased the "NATURALAMB"... Have yet to try them out. As for the penis issue, that will take time.

 

Nonetheless, thanks for the advice everyone. Some of it was well taken and some of the advice was flushed down the toilet with this mornings * * * *

 

We now have new problems and I'm off to a new sections lol... No seriously, thanks again.