What makes happy people happy?

[hopelesscase]

Why is it some people are always happy, and think positievly about everyting, and others appear miserable and unhappy.

 

I am one of the latter, people always make comments like Cheer up whats the worse tha can happen etc etc, which only makes me feel worse, I wnt to be one of those people who are always happy and dont tlet things get them down and are happy with there lot, but I am not sure how to get there?

 

Can someone enlighten me?

[friscodj]

I do believe people have written theses on this topic...

 

I believe the key to reaching this promised land you seek lies in perspective. Many, many people in priveleged countries such as the U.S., get lost in daily life. Look around! People are always busy, complaining about long lines, traffic, dropped calls on their cell phone, etc. People complain about the silliest most irrelevant things! And they get stuck in this mindset and habit!

 

If you take a step back and really delve into this, you will see how ridiculous it really is, how trite people's gripes are today. It is somewhere between ridiculously funny and morbidly saddening...

 

So it takes a new perspective. For some, tragedy or a brush with death or serious injury gives them this "laser eye surgery" and brings clarity to their lives. I believe you can get clarity without that. Look at what you have! Really look at it! Realize there are people out there who have nothing. Really, they have nothing. There are people dying from all sorts of diseases, people who are handicapped, people who are worse off than yourself!

 

Life can change in a second and everyday you squander not sitting back, crossing your hands behind your head, nodding your head and smiling is a day wasted in my opinion. So don't let the routines and rituals of society or culture cloud your vision. I'm sure you have a lot to be thankful for. And I believe when you start looking at those things regularly, acutely observing your life and the gifts you enjoy, big and small, everyday, you'll be a happier person...

[hopelesscase]

I do realise I hav a good life, I have friends, a job, own my own house etc, I know I have more than some, but it still feels like I am missing something that these happy people have!?

[agent1607307371]

Personally, I think it's all brain chemistry.

 

You can change your perspective but if you've not got enough of something in your brain that makes you feel good it can only go so far.

 

I've got a friend who is majorly depressed and all the positive affirmations in the world aren't going to help him. Partially because he won't seek help to get himself even again and partially because he's so down he can't put enough belief into them.

 

Mine fluctuate. Also, interestingly I find that even though I have a pretty optimistic mindset people just expect me to be on a downer and I find myself sometimes acting that way because it's expected of me.

[shes2smart]

Like agent, I believe that your brain chemistry plays a part.

 

But I also believe that the choices we make also play a part. It comes down to how you look at things, really. Some people could win the lottery and they'd complain about paying taxes because they'll choose to focus on what's wrong with the situation. Some people would win the lottery and gladly pay the taxes because they'd focus on their good fortune to receive the windfall. Same event, two different attitudes, two different outcomes.

 

I have this sort of chronic, low-grade depression. It's been there my whole life. The handful of times it's spiraled out of control to the point where I needed to be medicated, I actually missed it while I was on the meds. Weird, but true.

 

So, depression is a fact in my life. I had options on how to deal with that -- I could medicate it away (which I've chosen when it's gotten really bad), I could try therapy (where I spent most of my 30's), I could roll over and just let it consume me or I could say, "well, this is the hand I was dealt.. complaining about it isn't going to change it, so I might as well play it."

 

So, I make a conscious effort to focus on what's RIGHT in my world, not what's WRONG. This probably goes against mine (and your) basic genetic make-up...and here's why:

 

Focusing on what's wrong in the environment is a trait that served our human anscestors well. It let them notice that big, hungry tiger over there in the bushes looking for a snack. Theoretically, the folks who were better at focusing on what was wrong were the ones who had a better chance at sticking around long enough to produce offspring. Not too far a stretch to say that if you're breathing today, you probably came from a line of people who were good at noticing what was wrong in the environment.

 

For most of us, there aren't any tigers in the bushes, though. Now, focusing on what's wrong appears to do us more harm than good. But our brains are wonderfully complex things...and we have consciousness to control them to a good degree. We can change our focus and change our thoughts...and in doing so, we change the reality we experience.

 

If this line of thought interests you, you might be interested in a book called "Life 101" by Peter McWilliams. I literally owe the life I have now to this author...he showed me how to change my thinking, my attitude and outlook...and those in turn changed my reality. The book is free to read online here: link removed

 

One other discovery I made while scrawling in my journal...I was writing about dealing with depression when I saw the word differently. Depression was presenting me with a choice: I could die or press on.

 

I choose to press on.

[Dako]

When I have a choice, I choose happiness. When there's no choice I appreciate what I have.

[vesper]

great post frisco!!

 

 

[talo]

Not wanting what you haven't got

Wanting what you have got.

[TheRedQueen]

Ignorance, just kidding.

[novaseeker]

Ignorance, just kidding.

 

Well, but there is truth in this.

 

Not "ignorance", per se, but perhaps "choosing to ignore the bad" ... maybe "active ignorance" would be a better way to phrase it.

 

I agree with what s2s wrote: it's in part chemical and in part a choice as to how to view a given situation, and how to view things generally. It's akin to the difference between a fundamentally optimistic outlook and a fundamentally pessimistic outlook regarding the famous glass of water: how you choose to view the glass determines your perspective on the situation, and although you may have a natural inclination to view it as half-empty, you can always choose to view it as half-full, with some effort, and "ignore" the fact that it is also half-empty.

[shes2smart]

Well, but there is truth in this.

 

Not "ignorance", per se, but perhaps "choosing to ignore the bad" ... maybe "active ignorance" would be a better way to phrase it.

 

Ah, "active ignorance" has that negative spin...perhaps "enlightened self-interest?"

[novaseeker]

Ah, "active ignorance" has that negative spin...perhaps "enlightened self-interest?"

 

That works for me, once someone has gotten to the point where they see that taking the half-full perspective is actually helpful to their self-interest.

[talo]

Be careful about what you _really_ want or don't want, as you will most certainly get it.

Being unhappy is _really_ not wanting to move.

[talo]

*Situations* are defined as happy or unhappy.

And people define their own situations.

Watch how you define yours.

[alreadydead]

Ignorance is bliss....

They don't know how bad it really is.

[friscodj]

Ignorance is bliss....

They don't know how bad it really is.

 

Or how good it really is...

 

I really and truly feel a lot of people are afraid of being happy or think it is unobtainable for them...

[Blue Dreamer]

I do realise I hav a good life, I have friends, a job, own my own house etc, I know I have more than some, but it still feels like I am missing something that these happy people have!?

 

You must know you are not hopeless as your screen name provides. My guess is you have been influenced by those who appear to live superior lives in your mind. Maybe you have been influenced by those always one step ahead of you in the game of life. Whether that's the case or not, no matter. Something has influenced you to consistently think in this fashion. You need to banish that kind of thinking. This can be an easy process, but can also be as hard as you want it to be. Until you are able to appreciate the positive of what you have today, you will never rise to the level of happiness you strive for. Don't listen to me. I am just blabbing.

[Cardinal]

Happiness.

 

Isn't this generally agreed to be the goal of western and eastern philosophy?

 

For me, the best explanation of happiness I have come accross involves setting and achieving goals. If you know or can find things that make you happy, you can work toward that and enjoy the process.

 

For me, happiness seems to be a focus and a control. I haven't delved much deeper than that, except that I do seem to base my life around attempting to achieve happiness for myself and those around me.

 

It is about goals and achieving them.

[itsallgrand]

Or how good it really is...

 

I really and truly feel a lot of people are afraid of being happy or think it is unobtainable for them...

 

I find this to be very true. There is usually fear behind the misery or unhappiness.

 

I am equating happiness more and more lately with Peace. It helps if there is peace on the outside, but not necessarily. It's about Inner Peace: with the decisions we make, the views we choose for ourselves, the way we can accept things for what they are without a rush to judge reflexively.

 

Peace has a very practical aspect to it too. For example: feeding junk into our bodies and minds 24-7 (in the form of 'food', media, negative people, no time for relaxation, etc.) puts our system in a state where we are working against ourselves....hard to get peace!

If your brain chemistry is naturally tuned a little towards depression or meloncholy; peace is even more important.

 

There is also something to be said for helping others and forgetting about oneself. It's part of virtually (if not every) religious outline for living a good life. 'Cause it has proven to work - not only for moral reasons. I don't subscribe to the moral reasons. lol.

 

I was not born an optimist and I still don't consider myself one. I've struggled a good deal. Still, I strongly believe what has kept me from the loony bin is a foundational practice of every day trying to be of use to someone. I can be broke, sick, and crazy and still help someone - even if it is by picking up some cans on the road. And that makes me a little less scowly.

 

cheers.

[talo]

I am equating happiness more and more lately with Peace. It helps if there is peace on the outside, but not necessarily. It's about Inner Peace: with the decisions we make, the views we choose for ourselves, the way we can accept things for what they are without a rush to judge reflexively.

 

Peace has a very practical aspect to it too. For example: feeding junk into our bodies and minds 24-7 (in the form of 'food', media, negative people, no time for relaxation, etc.) puts our system in a state where we are working against ourselves....hard to get peace!

If your brain chemistry is naturally tuned a little towards depression or meloncholy; peace is even more important.

 

Well said Itsallgrand

 

Aiming for peace internally gives us a good handle on whether we are 'heading in the right direction' doesn't it. Things we are doing can be measured by whether they are bringing more, or less, internal peace.

 

Thank you.

[Caldus]

"choosing to ignore the bad"

 

Or self-deception.