Just strange how do I respond

[SarahRose]

Sometimes I feel like a parent to my bf rather than his gf.

 

He was wanting to sign up for something and he waits until the very last few days to do it and then he doesn't go but asks me to email for him.

 

Then he will message me when he is feeling down and I respond trying to be supportive.

 

I feel I am the strong one but sometimes I have problems too that I want to talk about. Yesterday I message him something how I was feeling in general and he doesn't respond.

 

That seems like how he deals with my feelings is not to or he will reply with some other topic.

 

Damn he just did it again! I had said something and he responds with, I'm hungry! sheesh!

 

How do I handle this?

[kellbell]

Hey there SarahRose!

 

I would tell him how it makes you feel. I would not take the approach of..."you don't do this, you never do that...." It can make a person feel attacked and put him/her on the defense, thus lessening the chances of your needs being met.

 

Instead use the assertiveness formula...

 

"This is how I see it..."

 

"This is how it makes me feel..."

 

"This is what I need from you..."

 

Always use "I" statements. This makes the other person less likely to be defensive and more likely to listen.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Goldfish6888]

Hmm Typical man....wants you to be around...for his, but he not for yours. I would message him - I have a problem...is now a good time to talk.....or do I have to wait till you have eaten? You also have to receive and he has to learn. Once you keep giving he will never learn how to give himself.

[Goldfish6888]

KellBells response was good

[RayKay]

kellbell is right on, you have to approach him in a non-accusatory way, that lets him know how you feel without attacking the way he does things. Hopefully, that will help him see more how he reacts when you are down, and be more supportive when you need it as well.

 

Sometimes though, there are people whom are more "takers" than givers, and can be rather "self absorbed" where they don't see your problems as theirs, while theirs are yours. I hope he is not this guy and does take your comments into consideration.

[RayKay]

Hmm Typical man....wants you to be around...for his, but he not for yours.

 

I don't think that is necessary, and that is a huge generalization. There are many men whom are indeed very attentive and caring of their partners, family, friends needs too.

 

There are also many women whom do the same thing.

[kellbell]

Yes,

 

I also agree with RayKay's observation. Some people are "takers" and not givers...very egocentric and can be quite draining on others. I also hope your BF is not like that. Good luck.

[Momene]

To be honest both my wife and I can do it to each other at times. If you're down, it's very hard not to be self-centered.

[annie24]

To be honest both my wife and I can do it to each other at times. If you're down, it's very hard not to be self-centered.

 

yeah, didn't you say in a previous thread that your boyfriend is depressed? maybe that has something to do with his behavior.

[SarahRose]

Yes we are both quite depressed.

[Momene]

Yes we are both quite depressed.

 

Sometimes one of us feels a bit better, then the other one says how depressed they are and it drags the one whose a bit better down again.

 

Depression doesn't excuse bad behavious but it explains a lot.