Can Time Change Her Mind Again

[Mr. Stealth]

Hi all. This is my first post.

My gf an i broke up almost 4 month ago.

She broke up cause i really screwed it up.

I didnt cheat on her or anything but she didnt want me to look to porn sites.

Well now last time she found out that i watched it again and now she broke up.

I know that what i did was wrong but its such a stupid reason to break up.

She also doesnt thrust me cause i said: i "think" i wouldn't cheat on her but deep inside i sure know i would never do it cause she is the one i loved for so long and always will be.

I said to her i "think" because youre never sure what will happen and you have to stay realistic because it happens everyday. Otherwise it would be a lie. Right?

She ever told me that i will never lose her but as you can see it happens PEOPLE DO REALLY CHANGE

2 years we have been together an we knew eachother for so long before.

She doesnt want to call or sms anymore.We only have contact via E-mail.I also wrote some angry E-mails last time.I said stupid things i didnt mean.

 

Im doing NC for 3 weeks now and i admit, it helps for me but there are times that this makes me down. and i still have to see here 1 time cause she still got some stuff she wants back.

 

All i wanna ask you people is:

- how do i have to behave myself when i see her again.

- is there a change to get her back? She is hard and very straight now. i want to change, for myself and her.

- i dont know if being friends is an option cause that only makes her stronger and doesnt give her the possibility to miss me.

- but on the other side being friends can give a possibility to keep in touch and maybe change her mind again.

 

before i have tried everything to make her change her mind but she doesnt at the moment.

sometimes i think about it, that she doesnt deserve me after all i tried.

Now, i will keep on going with NC till she gets her stuff and then start NC again.

After giving back her stuff. I will tell here that, all those bad things i mailed were not all completely true. She still got my love with whole my heart but i will keep on moving and wont wait for here.

I wonder if time can heal this. Or if she has first to fail in her next relation to realize this like my ex before her did? The ball is in here hands.

If she really loves me as she told, she will come back but im not counting on it.Thats my only strength at the moment.

 

Greetz,

[melrich]

I know that what i did was wrong but its such a stupid reason to break up.

 

OK you first need to accept it is not a "stupid" reason to break up. It was a deal breaker for her so it is an issue for her.

 

She also doesnt thrust me cause i said: i "think" i wouldn't cheat on her but deep inside i sure know i would never do it cause she is the one i loved for so long and always will be.

 

How does she know what you felt deep down inside? Cheating goes to your value system. If your value system does not support cheating then you won't do it and you can confidently say to someone that you never will.

 

PEOPLE DO REALLY CHANGE

 

Yes they do and you have to accept that. Her feelings have changed. No one can say whether she will ever want to get together with you again or not but really at the moment the ball is in her caught and you have to respect her decision (it's not stupid) and allow her the break up she wants. Nothing you can say to her will change her mind right now, she has heard it all.

[lonestar_80]

Porn is very addictive and it is not good for any relationship. Porn is a deal breaker for most women. If she asked you to stop and you did not, then she has a good reason to breakup with you.

 

Porn in the spiritual sense is a form of lust. If you are lusting after another woman then you have committed adultery with her already in your heart. Matthew 7

 

Your girlfriend can not trust you b/c you will put your lusts before your relationship. She can not guarantee that you won't do it again or if you will cheat on her if you were to get married one day. You will always be comparing her to the other women rather than appreciating who she is.

 

Sorry for your loss, I hope you learn from your mistakes.

[Leigh]

I don't think porn is bad and never had a problem if my ex wanted to watch it... that being said, I agree with melrich that whether or not it seems silly to YOU, it was important to HER, and as such, should have been respected.

 

Try not to beat yourself up too much... blame on top of the pain and loss that you're feeling now is NOT a good thing. Try to forgive yourself for the mistake that you made and stay NC to heal.

 

If it's meant to be, you'll have another chance... but make sure you take the time now to understand how you can take away some lessons from this experience.

 

Good Luck.

[joyce1412]

She also doesnt thrust me cause i said: i "think" i wouldn't cheat on her but deep inside i sure know i would never do it cause she is the one i loved for so long and always will be.

I said to her i "think" because youre never sure what will happen and you have to stay realistic because it happens everyday. Otherwise it would be a lie. Right?

 

sorry dude, but that's SO the wrong answer. i wouldn't stay with a guy who said that to me no matter how much i was into him.

 

you always have control over your actions. there are really people in this world who CAN say, "no, i KNOW would never cheat on you" because they know how damaging it is and refuse to hurt the people they love.

 

after all, you wouldn't say, "i THINK i would never strangle my neighbor's cat...but who knows? anything can happen!" you just DON'T DO IT. period.

[Mr. Stealth]

Already thx for the reply's people.

Things get clear to me now.

I wont get too happy now cause nothing will change this situation. But i learning from this forum.

A break up is a breakup and means a finish from something. So i move on.

But i always have that tought that when you had strong and true feelings for someone it never completely disappears. Sometimes it can come back. It depends on how mutch the dumper loved you.

It happened to my ex before her who also dumped me.but she left me for someone else. My feelings were never that strong for her and i directly told her. Because i dont want to hurt her later on. After 2 years we became friends. So being friends is possible (and i mean without sex en so on and i dont feel bad about it