minnie Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hi guys, I am sitting here wondering what it is about me attracting men who are married or already taken. I went out last weekend and met this guy on friday, we had a good time and at the end of the night i gave him my number. ( i dont normally do this but i was a little tipsy and thought what the hell). So he has been calling me - general chit chat throughout the week. he called me today and after a few missed calls i answered. He wants us to go out tonight. I said no as i am tired and have work both saturday and sunday morning. He insisted that i take a nap now and he will call me later and if not today then tomorrow. The problem is my friend who i was with the night that i met him, told me the day after, that his WIFE is a friend of her friends, and she told him that she new her and went to THEIR wedding last year - she said he was shocked. She said she could see he was interested in me so she made him know that she knows who he is. After all this obviously i am not interested, but he has the cheek to keep calling me and asking me out, when he knows i no he is married. So, i dont want to be horrible to him, but i dont want to go out with him, whether he says as friends or not - not after everything i have been through with married men. What should i say to him. I am thinking along the lines of i am not comfortable with his 'situation'. Or should i be blunt? This would have been alot easier if my friend had told me this on the night, and has reinforced to me why i dont give my number out, but i thought i would just be different to the usual me. Help! Link to comment
chai714 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 You'll have to be blunt here. Simply tell him, "I don't date married men." Delete his number, ignore his calls, emails, smoke signals, etc. Does this sound too complex? Link to comment
minnie Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 No, maybe its just me analysing things too much. Becuase i know hes going to say something along the lines of, "its just a drink, as friends etc..." And because i have been talking to him the past week i feel that i should have told him, that i knew, when i did find out. Im definitely not going, thats one thing i am certain of. Talking to my friends, they say go as 'friends' but i wont feel right. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 He doesn't need to know exactly when you found out...just that you found out. I agree with chai. Or you could tell him if his intent is really to be friends, you'd be happy to go for a drink with him....and his wife. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I couldn't have said it any better than Chai. Perhaps if you make it short and sweet and ignore him from then on, he will rethink his own morals. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not agreeing to meet with him after you found out he was married. Link to comment
minnie Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hehehe, thats good, really good. Nah i am going to TELL him, because i have considered ignoring his calls and leaving it at that. But i would like to deal with it properly. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I agree with Chai and S2S here. I think you are going to have to be direct and to the point and just tell him that you do not date and go out with married men. I wouldn't beat around the bush at all. Since he is married, he never should have even taken your phone number. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Why are you worried about being so nice about it? He is not exactly being "nice" about things to his wife! And his intentions are more than friendship, or he would of been clear to begin with. You just need to be firm that you are not interested, and even if he pulls stuff like "it's just a drink" tell him you are not comfortable with that, unless you have met his wife (and she is invited!). It's not rude to stick up for your values and stay out of a situation that you will regret. Link to comment
chai714 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I can understand why you don't want to come off as "rude" but it's not really rude given your situation. Let's examine something here: a married man wants to take you out on a FRIDAY NIGHT. What does this tell you? It would tell me that he wants more than a friendship. If he wanted to go grab lunch on a weekday or coffee after work, then maybe his intentions would come off more as a friend. Married men won't ask women (who aren't their wife) out to meet up on Friday nights. His intentions are likely not that of a friendship. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Do you mind if I too ask why you are uncomfortable with being blunt? Are you worried about hurting his feelings? If so, I wouldn't. He probably has no feelings - not if he's out trolling for women when he's married! You said you have a history of problems with married men. Is this because you haven't set clear boundaries? If you don't set boundaries, you are guaranteed to attract more creeps than the good guys. I can guarantee it. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 If he wanted to go grab lunch on a weekday or coffee after work, then maybe his intentions would come off more as a friend. Married men won't ask women (who aren't their wife) out to meet up on Friday nights. His intentions are likely not that of a friendship. I guess I don't think a married man would ask a woman he doesn't know well to lunch or coffee either, if his intentions were purely platonic. Again, to the OP...if you have a history with married men, and want to break that pattern...don't have anything to do with them. Link to comment
Lucky1 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 People who are a marriage relationship and seek out other people for a relationship on the side are usually doing it in spite of the fact that are going to hurt a person they profess to love deeply. So this person is not really a caring person who will feeling anything if you tell him to get lost you loser and for good measure tell him " I don't like you for obvious reasons your not worthy" You sound like a very sweet caring lady that is really to good for this person and believe me he knows it. He is simply put a dog that is looking for what ever he can find at the moment and you looked good in that moment. You are better than that. Link to comment
Cadence308 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Be blunt here. What a creep!!! Tell him you don't date married men and to stop contacting you. If he doesn't get the hint, then threaten to tell his wife. That should end all contact with you. Link to comment
minnie Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 To be honest Lucky1 you are right, it seems he only cares about himself. I dont owe him anything, i think i just have to tell myself that and stop thinking about his feelings. I always do this, which doesnt show my boundaries, then i look like a push over. Thanks for all your help, you have helped to clarify a few issues of mine Link to comment
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