Male Friends

[safeplay]

My girfriend starting to get a lot of male friends. She introduses me to them when she gets the chance. Should I be woried...?

[agent1607307371]

Do you trust your girlfriend?

 

Is she secretive about her friendships with men at all?

[Iceman26]

In my experiences, when women have a good deal of male friends, thats a bad sign (at least it was for me in my younger years). I avoided women with male friends as often as I could, simply because I think men more often than not have an ulterior motive to be more than "friends" with the woman in question.

 

I would question it. I think its cool that she introduces you to these guys, but again, I think most men initiating a friendship with a girl in a relationship is suspicious.

[butterflies]

you should be more worried if she hides it from you.

 

does she go out a lot with male friends without you?

[locolady]

do none of you have female friends who you simply just like then??? I have lots of male friends, some ive known for years since school, others ive made in recent years at work or travelling. There is nothing and never has been anything between us.....that said....i was very jealous of my ex-boyfriends female friends and he turned out to be a cheat?!

 

It does sadly seem that so many blokes only persue friendships with girls because they fancy them - this really annoys me when i meet a guy, think ive had a fun time chatting to them etc....then they try it on........so irritating! It would be great to think a guy might go away thinking "she was a good laugh, or she she was fun" but it always seems to come back to sexual advances - its very demeaning for girls - sometimes it would be nice to just make a mate!

 

Sorry getting sidetracked! I think if she introduces you to them, is happy for you to be around too when she spends time with them, then there is no problem....give her a chance. Spend soem time with them too if you can, you might make some new mates as well. I think it depends where she is meeting new male friends....if its school or work or through other friends or sports clubs etc...fine, trust her and dont cause a problem by being jealous. However i would be suspicious if she is meeting them out clubbing - then i would think the motives are not appropriate.

 

Good luck!

[l0stNc0nfuzzLed]

i say it depends. i also have many guy friends and they're *just* friends. so maybe i had a history with one of them where we slept together and things didn't work out the way we thought it would but that's over. our friendship is the same as it was like as if it never happened, and i'm glad it happened cause it was a test of our friendship. but they have been my friends for years. and when i met my ex back in january and we started to get to know each other, he didn't like the fact i had many guy friends. i mean, i understood if i was hanging out with them alot and chose them over him, but i didn't. i in fact flaked on my guy friends for my ex. but it still didn't keep him happy. he didn't like that we even kept in contact, especially the one i had once slept with. and the thing is, these guys were in my life before i even knew who he was. i can see the suspicion if i met these guys after i got with him. my ex also didn't have any female friends. he didn't believe that guys and girls can be "just friends." and probably also because he knows how guys work. guys don't become friends with girls, just to be friends, but not all men are like that. because i have guy friends who i never hit on, and they never hit on me, and we've been friends for years. and they're not gay.

 

with my ex, who i'm still trying to get over since he broke up with me like, 3 days ago, my guy friends said that he most likely doesn't like me having guy friends is because if he were put in a situation with other women, he probably wouldnt be able to control himself. so with that mentality, if he knows he can't control himself, that he thinks i won't either, or my male friends.

 

people have different beliefs and opinions. but i was completely honest with my ex and i got punished for that. like, why should something i did in the past, or me not lying to you affect our relationship? like, he told me that because i'm being honest with him in terms of letting him know about my guy friends, i make it less suspicious that's i'm cheating on him, to seem like "he's just a friend" when in reality that's all he is, and to show him that i'm not trying to pull a fast one on him.

 

i dont know why he has such trusting issues, but if you trust your girlfriend, i wouldn't think too much of it. unless your gut instinct tells you otherwise. talk to her about it. does she have a new male friend often? communication is key so you need to talk to her about it. and if she knows it bothers you so much, she would want to make you feel secure.

 

this site helps. it's been helping me, but essentially, just going here isn't going to solve the problem. communuicating (or not communicating) with the person you're having problems with is the key.

[Haven]

I keep reading over and over that it's a bad sign when women have a lot of male friends... I worry when I hear that beacause I have more male friends than female, and I dont think there's anything wrong with that.

Yeah, same here. I don't think it's necessarily a bad sign. It depends on the kind of male friends she has.. like, I have a lot of guy friends, but most of them lean toward the nerdy/geeky side, and we don't flirt a lot or anything. If she is flirting with her male friends, then you should definitely be worried. But I don't think you'll have anything to worry about, especially since she's introducing them to you and not keeping them a secret.

[rachel1256]

I have 2 really good male friends, and I have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. They have girlfriends, I've usually had a boyfriend, and we are simply friends... If you trust her, then I don't see anything wrong with it. BUT, how many is a lot?

 

You need to determine if you really trust her, if not, it can become a problem.

[Iceman26]

do none of you have female friends who you simply just like then???

 

Nope. I mean in high school, yeah I had a couple, but after that no. I got along with my friends girlfriends, but I always kept my distance from them. One of my friends girlfriends once told me that she didn't think that women saw me as the "friend" type.

 

I do think that when progressing into a serious relationship if you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, that you make sure your significant other is cool with it before getting really serious.

 

For me, I am of the opinion that managing relationships are a lot of work as it is, and I don't need the constant irritation of a bunch of dudes hanging around my SO waiting for something bad to happen in the relationship to make their move.

 

I dated more than my share of women with guy friends, and it was never a pleasant experience.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I have a lot of male friends.

 

And my best male friend is an ex of mine.

 

In fact, hes an ex-fiance! True story.

[stacy2211]

Like the others said, it really depends on many variables. It all comes down to trust though. If she is extremely flirtatious with her male friends or does not introduce you to them, that might give me cause for concern.

I actually have a lot of male friends because I made them through a few relationships with guys that did not work out (and still hang with an ex but only in group situations). I mainly hang out with them when I go to concerts or bars and/ or possibly don't have my female buddies to go with. Also, I am picky about friendships with girls because I am not always interested in talking about typical female topics (clothes, make-up, dysfunctional relationships, etc..)

I have to say though, a guy I dated had a lot of female friends and he was flirtatious and playful with them- that was his personality. It bothered me though in part because he was not looking for a complete committment with me and these factors together made me feel insecure and jealous. I couldn't tolerate it and had to end it. However, if he was looking for a serious relationship and kept his female friendships to group situations (with me included) it wouldn;t be a problem. So, I think it all depends...

[i_love_chocolate]

OK. I'm of the opinion that when the majority of a girl's friends are males, then something is wrong with the girl. And here is why I think so: it's hard for girls to make new female friends because when a girl wants to have a female friend, they look at their personality and how much compatibility and fun they have. On the other hand, girls (especially good looking ones) are approached by guys ALL the time and so it is easy for a girl to make male friends because they approach her for her looks (and make compromises even if they don't like her personality that much). The problem is that girls actually think that these guys are "only" intending to be friends. Us, guys, know that the dude who she just met and who she thinks is only a friend is waiting for the right time to make a move. A lot of girls don't realize that.

 

I personally don't have a problem with my gf hanging out with male friends as long as I'm invited (it's up to me to come or not) but as long as I know that she's not hiding him from me.

 

In fact, there is this guy who asked my gf out but she told him that she had a bf. They agreed to go out as friends. She goes out with him sometimes, and I know what his intentions are, yet I'm OK with. Well, it doesn't make me feel good that a guy is taking my gf out but I know that she told him where he stood. He's actually so scared of meeting me. We never met. What a wuss

[Pathos717]

I wouldn't be too worried. My girlfriend has almost nothing but male friends. She simply does not get along with women. As long as you trust her then all you should really do is project confidence, particularly when you're introduced to these new friends.

 

Despite thousands of years of human evolution we are still very primitive when it comes to relationships. Now I'm not suggesting that you beat these male friends in the head with a blunt object and then jump up and down on them while hooting and hollering or anything like that, but you should be prepared to display your "alpha male" status to them. Your girlfriend will be more than capable of fending off any unwelcome advances, but ultimately it is you who will be the first line of defense in the relationship. I tend to agree with some other posters that men tend to develop friendships with women with the idea that eventually they will get a little something more. Now men, like our primitive ancestors, are more likely to try to get that something more if they percieve the woman to be with a weak partner. Project strength.

 

Most of this is done with body language and attitude and is very subtle but we have been conditioned by years of evolution to pay attention to these signals. When meeting these male friends look them in the eyes, don't glare but make eye contact. Have a firm grip on the handshake. Don't crush their knuckles but don't hand them that dead fish grip. Talk, be outgoing, get to know these guys. Don't try to one up them. Be confident in yourself and project that confidence to them and you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Women, at least in my experience, want confident men and they want to see that confidence. It's another hold over from our more primitive days. A Strong confident mate would be better able to assert himself in the group, ensuring that his offspring, and by extension his genetic lineage, was well provided for.

[tiredofvampires]

First, in reply to men posting that women don't know men have ulterior motives if they play the friendship card -- we women are not that clueless and naive. If I have a male friend (and I am one of those that does find more in common with males as friends often), and he has an agenda, no matter how patient, innocent or stealthy he thinks he's being, I can ALWAYS tell. I ALWAYS KNOW which men are hanging with me with no romantic or sexual hopes/interest at all, which ones have that element but would settle for just a platonic friendship regardless (and I know and HAVE such cases to point to in my life as living proof -- so this does exist!!!), and which would ultimately not be interested in a serious friendship-only if they don't get into my pants. Never, ever underestimate a woman's 6th sense to know all of this. So the deal is, those in the first category should NEVER pose a problem; the other 2 types get the benefit of the doubt until their intentions are revealed. If they are the third type, those types will drop out of my life when I am hitched with a bf. So basically, if I'm taken, any dude (past, present or future, it doesn't matter, as I expect to be meeting people and for my life not to be over for hopefully another 30 years at least and that's a lot of time to meet cool people of either sex) that expresses a desire to be friends gets a chance to prove it -- and if he makes an inappropriate move, and won't take NO, then he drops out of the picture. The point being, I give 'em a fair shake when I have a bf, and if they prove their mettle as pure friends whatever else they may have felt, there is no harm or threat. A woman knows from the get-go (usually) which guy is going to take NO if and when the time comes and which won't.

 

And IF that time comes...it's up to the woman, not you as bf, to get the guy to back off. If she can't do that, you as a bf can't really do much except talk with her about what is wrong within the relationship, as there is something at that point (which you may have contributed to, sorry to say; unless she really does have ongoing commitment or boundary problems of her own.)

 

I feel like I'm a small, lonely minority here it seems...but it is my belief that 2 people choose eachother. Every day is a choice, a free choice to re-chose the one we are with and love because we don't want to be with someone else, it's as simple as that. We choose to be with them even with a world full of temptations, opportunities elsewhere, and potential contenders. We are here to accept the fact that there will always be these situations we have no control over. We are NOT here to put a collar and leash on eachother so to keep our SO safely on our "property line" like a dog. To me, that is not a function of love, and even less, trust. I don't care how many wounds we all carry of past betrayals, and the accumulations of insecurity (which I have my great sahre of), or primitive impulses -- even if I have sympathy for mine and my partner's discomforts and want to reassure them, it doesn't EVER make this kind of behavior GOOD, about love or trust. You can rationalize base creature emotions, but I think it's better to choose a truer form of love and trust. I believe it can be achieved if one wants it badly enough. It depends on what level of intimacy and freedom and loyalty you aspire to in the relationship, your priorities. IMHO. If the collar and leash thing works for both parties, those are the priorities that make some happy, but not me. It would not make me happy or secure for my guy to shun other women beacause of "what ifs" -- I would would not be happy unless I knew he could see other women just as other women (even friends, even pretty ones), but chooses ME.

 

Unfortunately, I'm not happy being alone with my principles, either...

[ryan250]

My girfriend starting to get a lot of male friends. She introduses me to them when she gets the chance. Should I be woried...?

 

same thing happened to me. next thing I knew, my ass was out on the curb.

 

stupid * * * * *

[vagrant]

WoW... I'd never thought of that before.. It makes lots of sense.