Disappear or Show your damn self

[pablovblack]

When doing NC would you guys say it is better to disappear of the face of the earth or not be afraid to bump into the ex.

 

If you disappear they are going to wonder a damn sight more about you than if they see you around...

 

Or if your around and your confident you may come of as more attractive to them..

 

What do you think.... Your Views if you please.....

[Sad_now]

They should see you around, but only if you can be in front of them without looking miserable and whipped! Note: overly cheerful is no good either. It's obviously fake. Ex 1. You 0!

 

Relaxed and casual does it. If you cannot be relaxed or casual, stay away!

[RayKay]

I'd say somewhere between moving to another planet, and showing up at their doorstep naked, is a good option.

 

Seriously though, I think it's important to continue doing the things you enjoy, and not stop them out of fear of running into them.

 

As an example, after my last ex and I broke up, it was a bit confusing as we were both into mountain bike racing, and it was in the midst of racing season. I was not going to stop going, and neither was he. It was thereforeeee guaranteed we would bump into each other a lot, so we dealt with it, and had more of a "Limited Contact" approach as a result of this when it came to those races. We knew the other was going to be there, would be civil and friendly to one another, spend more time talking with others instead and enjoying ourselves, and then go our separate ways again right afterwards.

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

Well after the stunt that I pulled, it's best, in my situation to drop off the face of the planet. If you did something embarrassing, than yea, just crawl under a rock and don't come out from under it.

[Orlander]

Well, I guess I'm pretty lucky in that my ex is on the other side of town from me, although I am going to be moving closer soon because of work, so I might see her more often, say at the market, dog park, movie theater, etc. I can control being civil to her if we run into each other, but I have no ambition to ever speak to her again.

 

I still go to the same bookstore though, but believe she avoids it. I guess it works out as I really like that place and wouldnt want to quit going there just because I see her.

 

 

Orlander

[stacy2211]

Wow, I can certainly relate to this situation and weighed the same exact questions you posed. I go to the same bar every Thursday usually (where I happened to meet a guy I am no longer seeing).

Just recently, I was deciding whether to even show up knowing he would be there (and flirting with another girl he may be seeing). I decided to go because that was my normal routine and I wasn't going to let him dictate it.

 

I tried the "cool" act, the "confident" act and the "flirtatious" act with my male buddies, and finally, the real act which was displayed on my face when his new girlfriend turned around to see if I saw his arms around her. For that brief moment, what was displayed on my face was utter sadness, despair, disapointment, and embarrassment. (this girl didn't hold half a candle to me and yet he was with her instead of me)

 

All I could do was walk away. In the grand scheme of things, all that matters is getting over your heartbreak in the best way that you can. If it takes leaving the situation (and you can) then by all means do it. It's a win-win situation, you'll find it easier to get over him and he might, just might, realize what he's missing... but it will be too late when he does..

[stacy2211]

I also like to think that it really doesnt matter how you are perceived by your ex. If (and I mean only if) that person no longer has feelings, how you come accross really won't matter to them. It's best to look after yourself.

[notanymore]

Pablov my mate

I am bout to get face 2 face with my ex after 3 months, we broke up 4 months ago.i d rather not be be involved with her at all.i d go with the disappear option.and no you are not running away from facing them , you are shutting out sorrow from your life.

 

they r out of our lives .Just look through em as if they did not exist.they dont even deserve your hate.NC is NC ...zilch, nil, ablsolutely no communication

all the very best

cheers

[pablovblack]

the real act which was displayed on my face when his new girlfriend turned around to see if I saw his arms around her. For that brief moment, what was displayed on my face was utter sadness, despair, disapointment, and embarrassment. (this girl didn't hold half a candle to me and yet he was with her instead of me)

 

Hugs for you honey, I feel for you.....

 

I think I'm going to stay the hell away for a while because after seeing her face in a dingy nightclub on Saturday in the midst of the dancing, I thought I had seen a ghost, I actually had to prop myself up against a wall because I was going to drop to the floor...

 

Like being visited from the grave.....

 

I am bout to get face 2 face with my ex after 3 months

How are you doing that my friend, is she coming to see you or something?

[notanymore]

How are you doing that my friend, is she coming to see you or something?

 

i m goin back to college next week after my internship ,my course has only a handful of people, and i am sure i ll bump into her

 

have decided to ignore her totally,no response whatsoever.that'll drive the point home that i dont wish to have any kind of contact with her.

besides this i have chalked out a plan for myself , will keep myself too busy,plan to go swimming and tennis in mornin n evenin, have enrolled for Salsa lesson, there is no way i m gonna suffer.i am goin to have a great time ahead. bottomline mate : love yourself, give yourself all the attention and care,trust me u ll notice the change .cheers mate

[Johnathan]

I work down the street from mine. If I 'show my damn self' it's all by circumstance of me seeing her / her seeing me while driving. I have alittle plan and that's when I get a new girl, I'm going with her and some other friends straight to the bar where the old girl hangs out 1 or 2 nights every single week. The only form of 'getting vengeance' I can get would be to do something like that and make sure she sees me while making zero effort to even say hi to her.....it would be the boldest, most confident thing in her eyes, to see me there with my group, having a great time, living my life.

[jchan]

well. same case in terms of the college thing.

she's transferring to another college that I hang out at quite often. (my friends are there) So I guess it would be quite common to bump into her. But you know what? I don't think I should be afraid to go there. It's my life, my friends, her actions, her existence doesn't determine how I should live my life.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm not sure i understand why a guy would really care what an ex thinks or how he could be doing NC with a girl and hope to be found attractive by her at the same time. that almost seems to me like he's pushing her away with one hand and pulling her toward him with the other.

 

imo NC is a healing tool to be applied in a permanent way. it would make me uncomfortable to see it used as a ploy to get someone's attention.