How do you know?

[shorty20]

How do you know when a guy (or girl) is really into you and not just trying to get into your pants?

[Day_Walker]

The easiest way to tell if a person is into you and not trying to get into your pants is to look at their actions towards you. Not the actions that you want to see in them but step back and look at how they treat you. This typically gives you an indication of what that person wants from you.

[Dako]

If they stick around without being bribed with nookie.

[shorty20]

here's the deal. I have a friend thats in the army, we dated a while back. I know he has a past, that he wasn't always the nice guy that he is now. I know he has used women. I want to have sex with him, but don't want it to be just that, like a sort of conquest for him. He told me the other night that he stopped talking to a girl because she didn't put out after 3 dates! Of course, that was his past and I try not to hold that against people. He also is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, and he told me last night that the thing he likes the most about me is that I HAVEN"t let him sleep with me... he said it makes him respect me more. So, ideas? Should I give in? He's only back for a month, and I want to make it the most memorable month for him.

[Dako]

I HAVEN"t let him sleep with me... he said it makes him respect me more.

 

You should let him continue to respect you even more, unless you want to get laid and dumped. What he's done, not what he says, shows what he's about.

Forgiving someone's past is pretty tempting if the urge is strong.

[shorty20]

but I've always been one to not hold someone's past against them. I have a past too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I did. He never is forcefull about the fact that I don't want to have sex yet. When we start to kiss and stuff, I always remind him so he won't get carried away and think he's in. As soon as we start to kiss, i'll say "I don't want to have sex yet" and it's just a reminder to him and a boundry for myself to not let things get too far. It's a tough decision. I want to keep him around, but I want to have sex with him too... can someone change that much in a year? He quit all of the bad things he was doing (won't go into detail but he was in pretty deep) enrolled in the army and streightened up. He's very respectful of me and what I want and never forces anything on me... am I just being blind to think that he could have changed?

[Q10]

You should let him continue to respect you even more, unless you want to get laid and dumped. What he's done, not what he says, shows what he's about.

Forgiving someone's past is pretty tempting if the urge is strong.

Couldn't have said any better. Seems like you're just another girl he wants to be with and dump.

[Q10]

You just want to think he's ok because you want him too. That's ok but just know the consequences. The chances are he'll dump you, but if you wanna try so much, then why not. Whatever we say here won't make a chance if you wanna believe what you wanna believe.

[Dako]

As soon as we start to kiss, i'll say "I don't want to have sex yet" and it's just a reminder to him and a boundry for myself to not let things get too far.?

 

To him, that tells him he's almost in bed with you. All he needs to do is keep being the respectful changed man until he scores. He's doing well, isn't he?

[RayKay]

How do you know his past is not also his present?

 

There are only a couple ways:

 

1) He told you so. Which is not really good, as only people whom are trying to convince someone would say so.

 

2) You are wanting to BELIEVE it is his past, though there is no indication it's also not his now. A lot of those lines he says - about respecting you more for waiting, and so on, are ones that people whom want to get in your pants will use to make you think they are a good guy.

 

3) He really HAS changed. But only time will really tell. In my opinion, why have sex with him at all if he is only here for a month? There is no rule you need to have sex with him, and don't do it because you want to make his last month "memorable". You can be memorable without jumping into bed.

[shorty20]

well thanks for the insight guys, I'll keep it all in mind

[Day_Walker]

It seems that all he is doing is building up your interest in him. It sounds like he is back to his old tricks. He tells you that you are beautiful and that he respects you because you wont have sex with him. You have to realize that its a line. Using his logic if you sleep with him afterward he will lose respect for you.

[RayKay]

Using his logic if you sleep with him afterward he will lose respect for you.

 

Great point Day_Walker!

 

As has been pointed out, it's not uncommon for such lines to be used. Someone whom is honest and integral does not have to "prove" it by talking themselves up.

[Süsser Tod]

You have to realize that its a line. Using his logic if you sleep with him afterward he will lose respect for you.

 

 

Yeah, pretty much that's it. If you have sex with him, forget about him, you'll be just one more of the girls that he has had sex with.

[Derek]

I'm a man,

 

don't trust what a man says when he's in the middle of making out with you.

 

He's not thinking straight. =)

[BillyJean714]

Great advice DayWalker!

 

I think you can already sense where this relationship's going. Don't get trapped in "denial" mode. Plenty of women do this in hopes that the person that they're with truly cares about them.

 

I say, if you have to question whether or not he's into you (and if the answer's clear in your mind that he isn't), then he's not that into you. A lot of the times, you will just know by the way that a guy treats you..the little things that he does to show he cares. So sorry to hear about your situation, but you really need to get rid of people who will just try to 'use' you and waste your time.

 

Reality isn't pretty, but at least your in a situation where things are not as bad. Things can get progressively worse. You can prevent it by not having sex with him. Besides, if he admit to using women for sex in the past, then I'd be careful. Reality is, the more partners he's slept with, the higher the chances he has of having some kind of STI. A lot of the times, STDs aren't as aparent (i.e. genital warts or herpes in it's dormant state, chlamydia, hiv).

 

You just got to be careful. I wouldn't trust this guy one bit. Some people are really good at lying through their teeth to get what they want. He sounds like one of them.

[DropToZero]

How do you know when a guy (or girl) is really into you and not just trying to get into your pants?

 

Haha...great post...since these girls are all I seem to be running into lately...

 

Ummm...since everyone pretty much posted about guys doing it, girls...they are really forward in the fact that sometimes they'll make the first move(not always a sure thing though, because some girls will make the first move and not push it any further), some will just come out and SAY it(only had that once though), and if all she wants to do is sleep with you, more than likely when you're making out, she'll grope you a lot or grind her hips into you.

 

Keep in mind, most of these things, I'm saying happen within the first like 2 dates/hang-out's...after a few dates or so, and actually getting to know one another, then they're a safe bet and I wouldn't mind them. One last thing, another sure tale sign she just wants to sleep with you(guys probably do this too), is she won't make much effort to actually get to know you...she'll just want to get together late at night...no real "dates."