breaking the NC rule

[sharibean]

my boyfriend of two years broke up with me just over one month ago. for the first week or so, i was constantly talking to him, emailing him, begging, pleading etc. it was bad. after about a week and a half, i vowed to not contact him and it was working well for me. and lo and behold, he contacted me about a week and a half into NC. it was great. and after that brief conversation, i felt so strong and happy and proud of myself for staying away until last week when i just broke down and contacted him. it was a bad, messy conversation that just dredged up all of the issues all over again and made him angry and hurt all over again.

 

i regret contacting him so much. i am planning a huge trip for the summer and i will not be back until the last week of august. i plan to have absolutely no contact with him from last thursday until when i get back at the very earliest. my question is, did i do a lot of damage by contacting him last week? i do want him back and i want him to realize a) what it's like without me and b) that i've gotten on with life without him. i hope my slip up last week was not too detrimental.

 

thanks,

 

shari

[Cute Band Rat]

Shari in my opinion you didn't give the first go around of NC its full effect. I think you should go away and completely try to put your ex out of your mind.

I do not think you ruined your chances at all.......by the end of August he most likely won;t remmeber that incident anyway. So relax and have a good summer

[neallo82288]

Read this thred and the replies:

 

link removed

 

Okay, now what you need to realize is that whinning and fighting over the break up will not help you at all. My advice is for you to leave him alone, let him contact you. When he does keep it short and sweet. You must be too busy to talk long (even if you're not). get off that phone and quick, because you will re hash the break up and that is unacceptable.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Neallo

[DCMann2]

The only thing that sucks about waiting for an ex to contact you is...waiting. It kind of makes you feel like they don't care, even though they probably do. I contacted my ex directly for the last time almost a week ago, but we've talked twice since then (she IMed me, and I responded). Everything was kept light and civil, with no mentioning of her bf, or the girl I'll be going out with, and it was really nice. I like little talks like that, and I hope that we can continue to have them, but you have to remember that your ex has to contact you, and not the other way around.

[sharibean]

thanks for the advice guys. anyone else out there have any stories of NC working in your favour to get your ex back?

[JohnnyTable]

thanks for the advice guys. anyone else out there have any stories of NC working in your favour to get your ex back?

 

It doesn't. It gets you back, which has to happen first.

[Pikey1972]

JohnnyTable is right - the most important thing about NC is that it enables you to focus on yourself and your own wants and needs in life.

 

I've only been doing NC a couple of weeks and already feel much better (I was doing LC before that and was forever analysing my ex's words / actions etc) - I'm beginning to like myself again, my confidence is returning, and I've reconnected with some old friends and am making new friends. My life has become a lot more "varied": I'm visiting different places, doing different things, and I'm doing it all for ME.

 

NC is the best thing you can do for YOU! Use NC to pamper and treat yourself, to do new things!

 

Whether or not it will bring back your ex is of no consequence (you can't control what he's thinking or doing) - the main thing is to get yourself back!