Is this common?

[navigator2001]

During my 3 year relationship with my ex, I sometimes had thoughts (usually when I went out with my friends), that I wished I was single again. I never acted on that, and would have never done anything to betray our relationship, but now that she broke it off with me, it makes me wonder...

 

Is it common to be with someone you absolutely love, and sometimes have wishes to be single again? How many of you out there have felt the same way? I'm trying to figure out if I miss my ex, or miss being in a relationship.

[TheRedQueen]

the grass is always greener

[need2bme]

TheRedQueen: Amen

 

Navigator2001: The same thing happened to me, but much later in the relationship. I did not like the way I was treated and I also chatted online, a bit. Bottom line it and you need to know if you really want to be with the person you are with. Now that my GF is gone, I regret it. I will not make that mistake again. I know only I can choose what I want.

[nottoogreen]

You were not in love.

 

You were not ready for a relationship.

 

Sex itself is not enough.

[vfunkera]

Hey navi,

 

It is human nature to want what you don't have.

 

When you are single, many people die in despair in wanting a partner, girlfriend or boyfriend. That despair usually prevents them from actually having that want- a girlfriend or partner.

 

The same is true when your with someone. You sometimes get the urge to be single, and or cheat. Interestingly, when your in a relationship or with someone, the more you feel you want break or have some time or day off, the more people will be interested in you. Its a crazy world.

 

I think the length of your relationship plays a major factor to those thoughts while you was with her. 3 years is a long time to be with someone, especially when your only 23, and especially when your a man! You time away from the otherside brings about urges to return once more, if only for a night. Many people can't fight, i certainly couldn't, but its great to hear that you did, and for that you have proven yourself a better, wiser, and extremely composed man, so praise yourself!

 

The urge for the otherside may also have been tempted by the fact that you felt it while with your mates. I suspect most of them were single, and if not, then boys are still boys, mates are still mates, and when we get together the single life blossoms, while the committed end just feels like a drag and nag.

 

I don't think true love was the subtext here, although the only person who can honestly know that is you. Three years can bring people very close together, and no doubt she played her part in a huge chapter in your life. But if it was love, my guarentee is that breaking away from her for a minute would never have crossed your mind.

 

I think you will certainly miss your ex, since she has been in your life for such a long time, but you will also miss the relationship because you have been in one for 3 years, and now that its gone temporarily, you want it back.

 

Relish being single again, enjoy your age and your friends company while you still can before another three years turn up!

 

Good luck

[RayKay]

I think a lot of people do go through this, but I think they honestly go through it more when they subconsciously know they are not in the right relationship or with the right person. It's normal to have doubts from time to time, especially when times are tougher, to wonder if it's worth it...but if you felt a desire to be single that often, I would suggest it may of been a sign there were some deeper issues there that were creating those feelings, a sign that were elements missing that you needed in a partner/relationship.

 

In your case, you were also really young, been with her a long time, and had relative little experience with other relationships I am assuming. It's hard to know what you want the rest of your life when you have not really figured out whom you are, nor have much experiences to relate it against. You can love someone, yet ultimately not be sure they are the one for you for the "rest of your life".

 

In any case, I am very glad you kept your integrity and did not stray even with these feelings! That shows you are a stand-up guy.

 

I can honestly say that while in the past I may have sometimes wondered with a couple of my ex's, I never doubt for a second that I want to be with my boyfriend, and that I absolutely adore being his partner. I really think this is because he is the right guy for me, and it's the right time in my life too. No matter how many situations I am in where temptations are around me, I am never tempted or think for a second I wish I were single.

[chigal28]

I agree with RayKay....I think when you know deep down that you are with the right person, you feel content and happy to be with them, at least most of the time. I LOVE being with my bf, and have never wanted to "see what else is out there" or try being single again. I'm also 28, and have had my fair share of "seeing what's out there," too, so that could play a part in it. I feel like this relationship came along when I was ready for a real relationship, and ready to invest in and commit to one person. In the past, I would *always* think the "grass was greener," and I know now it was because I didn't truly feel in my heart that whoever I was with was best for me.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to take time to see what's out there, and I really feel like when you find what you're looking for, you'll just know. I know it sounds cliche, but I always asked my parents how they "knew" it was right when they found each other, and they'd just shrug and say "well--we just--knew." And now I know exactly what they were talking about, but I wouldn't really be able to describe HOW I know, either!

[RayKay]

I know it sounds cliche, but I always asked my parents how they "knew" it was right when they found each other, and they'd just shrug and say "well--we just--knew." And now I know exactly what they were talking about, but I wouldn't really be able to describe HOW I know, either!

 

Ain't that the truth! I always feel so cheesy when I say "you'll just know" and "I knew the moment we met...". But it's true, not because you want it to be true, but because it just IS. And there is no real rhyme or reason to it, it just IS.

[canuckhead]

sorry to be a downer here....but i just don't believe it when ppl say they just "knew." to me, thats kinda like hindsight bias...cuz they're still in the relationship aren't they? u can ask many here, whether they were the dumpers or dumpees how they felt when they were with their ex, and they'll tell u their ex was the one and they just "knew" it...yet their feelings change....they fall outta love or whatever, or someone EVEN better comes along and they just can't resist.

 

to the op, i think its a case of wanting what u don't have. while u have a relationship, u'll want freedom cuz u don't have it. if u have freedom, u'll want a relationship...maybe not right away, but sooner or later u will. and in ur case, she left u...so obviously that makes u want her back even more.