Can I really trust him now after lying?

[indespair]

So here's the long and short of it:

Basically, my boyfriend tried to break up with me in January but we talked about it and we decided that we were going to stay together, and work out our problems. Then, he went away for 3 weeks to Cali to work and when he came back he totally broke up with me. Said we were OVER, and that he was just done with me and wanted to move on. He was very harsh. Naturally, I was completely devastated. Tried everything to convince him not to, but he was unmoveable. I asked him if there was someone else, he said "no" he just wanted to work on himself.

 

Then, he went back to California for over a month but kept in contact with me and when he came back, he just wanted to be friends. Still called me regularly. I had not gotten over him and told him that it would be hard to be just friends. Then, one night, after we went out for drinks and seemed like we might be getting intimate again, he announces that he has a 19 year old girlfriend! Another blow. Two weeks later he breaks up with her, and he comes over to my house with a bottle of champagne---says he's toasting to his breakup. Well, days later we become intimate, but I sense a distance in him that wasn't there before. But I don't ask, just assume it's stress. We start "dating" and hanging out and talking about starting a business.

 

Then he totally drops the bomb on me and tells me that "there's something he has to tell me" the guilt is killing him. He tells me that when he went to Cali the 1st time, he met up with a mutual friend of ours and they slept together, then started going out. So when he went back the 2nd time, they started up again over there. This girl was one of my close friends!!! Anyway, he tells me that they broke up when he came back. But SHE says they were still a couple. So much treachery and betrayal, I feel like a f--g idiot. He lied. She called me crying, and saying how sorry she was etc., and then proceeds to tell me all this stuff about what they did. So I confront him with it and he got angry, telling me that she lied. I got mad and told him that I had enough, that I was going, too bad too little too late, but he begged me to not leave, that he realizes how much he loves me now, and that all that stuff he did with her was a mistake and that he was really only trying to stop thinking about me when he did it.

 

This was 3-4 weeks ago. He has been very patient, kind and understanding, and says that he knows how much he hurt me and that he will never do that again, that he's changed, only wants to be with me, how good I am to him and how much I make him feel loved...he's never experienced that before...and that he wants to completely commit to me, fully, and that he realizes that what he THOUGHT he wanted was not actually what he wanted. He wants to be with me. And will do everything in his power to make me feel/understand that.

 

My question...can I trust him? Do I believe him? I want to. I see sincerity in him, but oh man-I don't think I can go thru that anguish again! I totally stayed in love with him, couldn't look at another man the entire time we were broken up. I feel like a fool. But he says that HE'S the fool. I don't know, I feel a bitterness but I want to believe that it could be possible this time around. BTW, during our relationship (1 year) he always remained faithful to me.

I've agonized over this so many times that I am feeling pretty strung out. He is very afraid he'll lose me, that I know. Yes, I love him. But it just seems like right now, it is tinged with a little pessimism. Is this normal? And can it get better?? Thanks guys...

[Serendipity1607307077]

I think you need to really look at this through the microscope and figure out if you want to be hurt again or not.

 

Personally, if someone did that to me, then told me that they loved me and would never hurt me, I would laugh at them. If he loved you, he wouldn't have done this in the first place.

 

I hope you find your way..

[jessicadon]

I would think about it this way. What if all this happened to your best friend or your sister? What would tell her to do? You wouldn't want her to be hurt again.

If I were you I would remove him from my life. So you have room for someone who will truly love you and respect you. You do deserve better than that. From both him and your friend.

[Rabican]

This dude crushed you about 100 different ways. There had to have been a thousand little times where he could have stopped what he was doing, and thought of you and put your feelings ahead of his 'other head' and his little fling with your friend.

 

If he loved you, he wouldnt have put you through this.