Need Some Help! Very confused

[Liger]

My current girl friend just broke up with me a few days ago after we had hung out for 7 hours at a family event of hers. At the end of the night when it was about time for me to leave she said "Hey I really really like you and your a great guy... but i think we should just be friends for right now and not be exclusively dating." she also said her reason for breaking up was becuase i dont talk enough. We were in the car for maybe an hour out of the seven and we talked the whole time. I will admit that i am a little shy when it comes to a lot of people i dont know. The family event was a house warming thing and there were only 3 people there i didnt know, but i still talked to them with no problems.

 

I responded to her saying that i dont talk enough with something to the effect that when all she asks is "What are you thinking?" its a little difficult to come up with an answer, and how can that start a conversation really. I have responded to it a few times and the conversation went no where. We have a lot of the same interests, especially when it comes to school subjects... but for some reason she doesn't want to talk about them to much. So how should i respond to "What are you thinking?"

 

Later that night when she dumped me she sent me a text msg saying "you mean so much to me, but do you understand? I dont want you upset with me." I sent one back saying "Yea sure i understand..."

 

Last night when she found out that i was going to be drinking with some of my friends she told me to be careful. She asked me to go visit her at work so i said sure. She was still wanting to hold my hand and winking at me and stuff like that at work. Then she called me up when i was drunk and wanted me to tell her that i loved her. Now these two things are what confuse me.

 

She called me up this morning and asked me if i was doing alright and asked if i was going to be driving. (I had stayed overnight at my friends house so i wouldnt risk driving home drunk, and underage)

 

Now ive got three options: 1)Remain only friends with her. 2) Become better friends and then go out again (This is what she wants to do maybe??) but that makes me cautious becuase of the friends zone. 3) Stop talking to her all together.

 

Thanks

[faith30]

it sounds like she is playing games.....she wanted you to tell her that you loved her?? have you guys said this yet to one another? it sounds like she is confused about how you feel about her and when she says "u dont talk enough" maybe she means you dont express how you feel about her. Maybe she just needs a little reassurance. Maybe you two havent been together long enough for you to feel comfertable with her and need to give it more time

[in_the_mirror]

i agree with faith....i think she is playing games. she might want to get back together with you eventually, but her calling and holding your hand, i think she wants it to seem like you are off the market still until she figures out what it is that she wants. you need to be completely honest with her. do you want to be with her? do you want to move on? do you really understand why she left? ask her questions....and you will find out yourself what it is that she really wants.

[Liger]

I just hung out with her tonight and all went well. Just like it was before we "broke up". Nothing has changed except the title of our relationship i guess. We talked for the whole time and when she asked me what i said that i really really liked her and then told her what i like about her. Has anyone else had this occur?? Having your BF/GF ask you "what are you thinking" constantly?

 

So i guess you can disregard my problem, i think i played it up in my mind to be something bigger than it actually is.

 

Thanks

[faith30]

yes i have had someone ask me that. She is probably just asking you that because you dont talk to her alot about what your feeling or thinking? thats just my guess

[Dating Coach]

First of all, if you keep paying attention to her words/excuses, you will be confused. Girls will say all sorts of things that aren't the real issue, and they do this for a number of reasons.

 

We could dwell on their reasons for doing this but that's not the point here. The point is clearly that she has a low interest level in you, and we know this because she broke up with you. A girl who has a high interest level in you or sees true potential in you is not going to break off the relationship. She did, for whatever reasons.

Girls go by this wonderful thing called "gut feeling". It's a cool way to make decisions even if you don't have a specific logical reason for your decision. Her gut feeling was that she no longer wanted to be with you, she feels that it would be much more appealing to her to be single and able to meet some other guys who will match with her better. Guys who will excite her and challenge her.

 

What you should do is accept this and move on. If you keep running to give her attention because she calls then you are sending accross signals that you are a pushover and that you are desperate. I mean geez, she just told you that she didn't want to date and that she wanted to be free to date others (not exclusive). When she drops that huge bomb on you and you still run to her the minute she calls and you still try to please her-what do you think that says about yourself? It will come accross as desperate and clingy. Those are two hugely negative traits to broadcast when dating. This likely isn't the first time you've sent those signals either, which could be a part of the reason she lost interest in you.

 

What you should be doing is acting like a grown up. Accept that you two aren't compatable and quit trying to hang out with her or give her free attention. She knows you are not happy about the break up and that is one reason why she is still calling. She likes you because you are nice, it's just that she's not romantically interested. She knows you might be hurt so she is trying to be very nice by keeping in contact. Plus, she is used to your flattery and everyone likes flattery, so she still doesn't mind receiving your attention and flattery. The problem is, she's no longer your gf and you should not be giving her free attention. Move on. Don't call her, and if she calls either don't answer or keep the conversations away from anything other than what you would talk to your guy friends about. Keep the few conversations you do have short. If you do this and you truly are moving on then things will get much better for you.