I broke NC and he repiled back.. what to do now?

[didyoumissme]

Hello Everybody ,

I was trying to stick to NC but I ended up breaking down a few days ago on the 7th. I was missing him alot since I haven't heard anything from him for almost 3 months. I felt as if I needed to try contacting him again. I broke down and sent him a message thro facebook. So, I guess he thought to call me since I sented him that message. Instead of replying to the message online he just called me. He called me Saturday night on the 10th left me a voicemail .

I was so excited & still so excited happy hearing from him since it's been a while. I guess maybe he does still somewhat care for our friendship? He tried calling me again too the other night on the 11th. But, I ended up falling asleep and miss his call again.

Even tho I want to call him back right now, I'm going to wait because his birthday is this coming weekend. I was thinking in calling him back to wish him a "Happy Birthday" and/or maybe even just send him another message just typing " Happy Birthday" in words. I'm nervous talking to him over the phone again because it's been almost 4 months now since we last spoken over the phone together and plus he has a new girlfriend now so that even makes me even more uneasy talking to him over the phone.

I don't know if I'm really over him and ready to talk to him over the phone just yet. "Hearing" about his life with his girlfriend etc. might make me upset since I think I still have more then friend feelings for him. It's so much easlier for me to just talk to him online then to actually talk to him directly over the phone.

I only read that he's in a relationship with his girlfriend on his profile. He didn't actually tell me, I just read it and it hurt me.

Please help, Whatcha think I should do? Do you think that I should actually call him for his birthday since he called me leaving a message or just send him a Happy Birthday message online thro facebook?

I feel like I should call or send a message in saying " Happy Birthday" to let him know that I'm thinking of him and knowledge it's his special day.

How is everyone else on here do with no contact? If you were me what would you do?

Thanks in advance

~ Didyoumissme?

[yeawutever]

Yea, it would be nice to give him a "Happy b-day" call or send him a b-day card. You might want to call him back and say you're doing fine and little irrelevant stuff, not like it's gonna hurt or something.

[didyoumissme]

Yea, it would be nice to give him a "Happy b-day" call or send him a b-day card. You might want to call him back and say you're doing fine and little irrelevant stuff, not like it's gonna hurt or something.

Thankyou for your quick reply. Usually for holidays and/or his birthday I would just send him a Happy Birthday card then call him too. I guess I should call him soon to wish him a Happy Birthday. His birthday is this Saturday so I was thinking in calling him on Friday the day before his birthday. Would that be okay to call the day before? I'm thinking Saturday he might be busy since it has his birthday and the weekend.

[yeawutever]

Yes you can call him now if you want to, then it would be a "Happy early b-day". Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

[didyoumissme]

Yes you can call him now if you want to, then it would be a "Happy early b-day". Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Thankyou.. I'm going to send him a Happy Birthday card too. I'll send it out today. I'm thinking there is still time and he may even get it on his special day

[annie24]

Honey - is this the same guy you were telling me about before?

 

You two have had this issue for a while.... maybe time to pull the plug. this "friendship" seems too complicated.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

I am with Annie on this one. If this is the guy you referred to last year, then I would continue with NC. It seems you like him more than a friend and care about this friendship far more than he does.

 

I am so sorry things have been tough and confusing with this guy but your best option is to leave him alone...perhaps for good.

 

Take care.

[didyoumissme]

Honey - is this the same guy you were telling me about before?

 

You two have had this issue for a while.... maybe time to pull the plug. this "friendship" seems too complicated.

Yes, this the same guy. I thought it maybe time to pull the plug then he called me & lefted a voicemail. Wouldn't that be a sign that he still might still kinda care for our friendship? I know and your right this friendship has been complicated but with his birthday coming up it's hard to stay NC. The thought of me pretending and not saying anything to him for his birthday makes me sad and feel like a horriable person inside. I feel like I won't forgive myself if I Don't at least "say" or "send" a happy birthday. I have to at least knowledge him on his special day.Then maybe I can go to NC again after this weekend.

[didyoumissme]

Hi there,

 

I am with Annie on this one. If this is the guy you referred to last year, then I would continue with NC. It seems you like him more than a friend and care about this friendship far more than he does.

 

I am so sorry things have been tough and confusing with this guy but your best option is to leave him alone...perhaps for good.

 

Take care.

your right and I probably do care more then he does for our friendship. I've been trying to do NC and leaving him alone. I was doing good in not messaging him for over a month , then I wanted to know how he was doing and I got a reply! Maybe instead of calling him I just send him a birthday card thro snail mail and also an online message saying Happy Birthday and I hope he got the birthday card? I think I can deal with that far more then actually talking to him over the phone. Then I do NC again.

[kellbell]

Perhaps send him a friendly text message and that's all.

[didyoumissme]

Perhaps send him a friendly text message and that's all.

Well,I would do that if I could but he can't get text messages on his phone as he told me before. So, what about a friendly email online message? would that be okay too?

[didyoumissme]

would an online greeting message be good enough in my case?

PS. I sign his birthday card & had his birthday card already to send out. But, I miss the mail man so it's not going to get sent out today. His birthday is Saturday, I'll try sending it tomorrow in hopeing he gets it in time if not then maybe he will receive it on Monday(after his birthday) better late then never right?

I'll send him an online Happy Birthday message too on his birthday.

[annie24]

it's like this.... from what I can tell, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 meaning he considers you his bestest friend in the world, and 1 he considers you like a casual acquaintance he thinks about once in a while, it sounds like he likes you 2 or 3, while your level for him is more like 8 or 9.

 

It just sounds really imbalanced. It doesn't really sound like he returns these feelings. He seems pretty indifferent about things, and you are obsessing over which type of greeting card to send! Do you think he worries about such things with you? sorry if that sounds really harsh.

 

I think it may be time to let go for your own sanity - he doesn't seem to share your dedication to the friendship.

[didyoumissme]

Well, I already sented him the birthday card in the mail. It's going out today. I'm hopeing he gets no later then his birthday. I'm not going to call back as in right now since I'm not ready. But, I was thinking of just sending an online birthday message on his birthday then that's it. I'm thinking I don't really have to call since I sented a birthday card in the mail & going to send an online message.

So, I'm guessing I already did enough & made my point in wishing him a happy birthday??

[annie24]

honestly, I don't think he cares if you remember his bday or not....

[didyoumissme]

honestly, I don't think he cares if you remember his bday or not....

Well, if he seems to be all about himself & just recently lefted me a message to let me know he's okay & everything....

Then why wouldn't he care?

[annie24]

I think he cares only a little - not as much as you want him to.

[didyoumissme]

I think he cares only a little - not as much as you want him to.

so, I'm guessing it would be enough if I sented him an online message wishing him " Happy Birthday" aside from the birthday card I sented him in the mail? do you think? I'm to nervous to call him right now, not really ready And like you said that he probably wouldn't care to much if I remembered his birthday or not. So, I probably shouldn't really go all out of my way. I already sented him a birthday card & I'll send him an online birthday message "wishing him a happy birthday" to.

I think also calling to would be a bit too much,right?

[metro23]

be careful, you might be quite a bit more invested in this than he is.

I know it feels good to hear their voice, but is it worth it ?

 

then again you may like the drama and challenge of chasing someone who treats you like * * * *, and figuire as long as he is still playing games with you there is a chance.

 

to quote Fleetwood Mac :

Players only love you when they're playing

[didyoumissme]

I just don't get this at all. I'm really confused not only in my heart.. But, my mind as well too.

I already know & really reliezeing that I put more effort in our friendship then he ever did or will ever. I also know that it's time for me to let go

 

But, I just don't understand is , It's not like he's single & all alone. He does have a gf & alot of other friends who care for him to.

Why would he even bother to still contact me from time to time?Is he just pretending to care a little in contacting me, for himself?

[blender]

Do NOT contact him again, you are not ready to be "buddies" your heart is still vulnerable, if you want you can send him a text on his birthday, but NOTHING more, remember how you are feeling right this minute, you are feeling more in "control" so do NOT compromise this by "talking" to him, it will send you reeling back to square one emotionally, so take advantage of the fact that you have not spoken to him, remember he is in a relationship and you are NOT ready to be his friend right now, even though he may miss the friendship, let him REALLY MISS you, don't get in the way of all the work you have done so far, okay so you broke down and sent him a message, it's okay, but let it go, NO more contact, except MAYBE a birthday TEXT, that's it... I can tell by your "afraid to talk to him" that you are not ready to see or talk to him, it will be a "setback" so for today continue to protect your heart and let this be for now, no contact, that is the key for YOU to heal and for him to have a chance to THINK ABOUT YOU, MISS YOU, ETC... It doesn't matter how much he calls, do NOT respond, until his birthday, after all you did not ask him to call you, you just sent a "friendly" message, so you do not have to respond to his calls, this is about YOU right now, take care of YOU, no one else will until you can love yourself enough to know that HE DOES NOT HOLD THE KEY TO YOUR HAPPINESS, you do... so let go for today, and enjoy your self control to leave it alone and you can perhaps send him a birthday text... Hang in there, and keep strong..

[didyoumissme]

Hello blender & Thankyou for your reply! His birthday already passed tho.

 

I didn't send him a txt message because (he told me before not to txt on the phone) I guess he it cost or maybe he doesn't have the txt set up. I don't know..

But...what I did was, I sented him a birthday card from my home to his thro snail mail & Send him an online Happy Birthday message. That's it. I didn't call him back.

 

So nah, I was strong in not calling him on his birthday & I still haven't called, I won't call because I know it will give me a set back emotionally.

 

I started NC again not too much for him but for MYSELF. It's hard, it's going to be really hard (exspecially if he contacts me during this NC time)

I will miss him, I think in time he will miss me too being his friend. Heck, I know I will miss being his friend. If only he appreciated me, I wouldn't have to do this whole NC thing.

 

I promise to try everyone! I will try to hang in there & be strong in not breaking down again.

[didyoumissme]

I'm still hanging in there and soon it will be 10 days(tomorrow) of no contact!

[kellbell]

Good job! Hang in there and keep up the good work!

[blender]

Good for you, one day at a time, be proud of sticking with "no contact" this is a about YOU, this is a sign of your independence, confidence, self respect, this will start to help you heal..

 

I had a calendar up on the mirror in my bathroom and each night at the end of the day, I would put a big NC on another day, I was healing just knowing that I was taking my self control and power back for myself.

 

You have to get back to YOU before you can even think about what they are doing or how they are feeling, taking care of YOU first is the most loving, mature, respecting, healing thing to do. (it's also very attractive to anyone you might meet or even the ex, regardless, most importantly you start to feel better about yourself)

 

No contact works all the way around, really, when you think about it, what is the alternative, to call them, get rejected, feel like crap, start the healing all over again, instead, with no contact, YOU are gaining back your power with each day that passes, GOOD FOR YOU, keep it up.. one day at a time.... Honestly you can survive and thrive without him... congrats on ten days! Tomorrow have a cake with 11 candles on it for yourself, make a wish for YOU and blow them out and then eat the whole damn thing!!!!!