Help!!

[Pure of Heart]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. I'm having major relationship problems right now and I think I might be in an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm in my early 30s but I don['t have much of a relationship history. I had an abusive childhood and then I kind of avoided getting too involved in relationships as an adult and focused on my career instead. Three months ago I met Mike, a man in his early 30s. The first few weeks were wonderful. He was the first man I was ever with who seemed really interested in me and to really care for me. Then things deteriorated.....

 

About a month into the relationship he told me that he'd just got out of a psychiatric hospital a couple months before meeting me. When I expressed my shock at this he sort of turned it around and somehow blamed it on me. He said that my response to his confession wasn't the response he wanted and he actually gave me a script of what I should have said and told me in what tone of voice I was to address him. He also claimed that everybody is mentally ill including me and that suicide is not necessarily a bad thing adn that quite a lot of people kill themselves.

 

Since then he has criticized me frequently about my response to his confession. There are also now all these topics that I'm not allowed to talk to with him. Politics. Mental illness and various other things. If I think there is an aspect of the relationship that's not working, I am not allowed to talk to him about my concerns because he finds it too upsetting. Just today I tried to raise something with him I thought needed discussing about our relationship and he started crying adn then told me "I told you before, you have to say things in the right tone of voice.

 

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. Since dating him I have become really depressed where I was never depressed before. But I'm afraid of breaking up with him because I don't really get any support or love from my family or friends. Although if truth be told I don't get any support from my boyfriend either.

[TheRedQueen]

sometimes it's scary and lonely to be alone,

but other times, it is a blessing in disguise.

Listen to your instincts on this one, if your boyfriend consistently succeeds in bringing you down, then you are better off without him.

[Daddy Bear]

it sounds like the man is dysfunctionally obsessive and i don't think people like that tend to change. the demands that he places on you do not seem reasonable and it appears that he wants the 'upper hand' in your relationship. i think you would be justified if you were considering calling a halt to the whole thing.

 

and a thought about suicide: if you leave behind anyone who is devastated by your act, then suicide is a terrible and selfish thing. only a true hermit can kill himself and not ruin other innocent people's lives in the process.

[Pure of Heart]

Another thing I forgot to mention. He said although he has always been monogamous in relationships he finds it hard because he really misses having sex with other people. He said this won't be a problem in our relationship as long as we go to swingers clubs together to have sex in front of others and watch others' having sex in order to "keep things exciting." He also wants me to have sex with another woman (I am not gay or bisexual) while he watches. I don't really feel comfortable about doing any of these things and in fact I am insulted that he feels the need for all of that only 3 months into our relationship. Like, am I not enough?

[Daffy]

Drop him. He doesn't want YOU he wants his fantasy you. The more you don't conform to his fantasy, the more aggresive he will become in forcing you to be only what he wants. I would be really concerned about how he might react to being dumped, maybe you could meet with his therapist (he sounds like he needs one).

I'm sorry if this is coming off too stong but I've been in a similar situation. The insecurity and disappointment you might feel is nothing compared to the pain (emotional and physical) I think you will probably feel if you stay with him.

[doyathink]

If you are at all really considering staying with this guy ( which I can't believe you should) I, myself would be finding out what mental illness he suffers from and studying the whole issue. You need to know what you are dealing with and even IF you can deal with it.

 

Is he on medication? Was he institutionalized because of a court order stemming from some sort of violent act he committed? Does he have you address him in a certain type of voice because if you 'raise' your voice it angers him?

 

I would be very careful around this guy. I hope your not in any danger either. Maybe you can find someone locally to assist you in leaving?!?! Please reconsider wanting to stay, everyone deserves to beloved and cherished and him wanting you to have sexual acts with other women and men is not something you have to do if you don't want too. I really feel for you and hope you the best of luck.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA Pure_of_Heart!

 

Yeah, there are far better relationships awaiting you. This man sounds to be literally insane...he needs mental help not a girlfriend...

[Siriana]

Well you had abusive childhood, so first, let me ask you did you get some help on it or are you getting it? Because you obviously entered the same cycle again as adoult person, but this time it is you partner who's abusive, not your parent.

 

I've read in several books that the way we choose are partners is based on the way how we see love, and this is what we learn in joung age in our home while we are growing up. So for example if your parents was criticizing you but they loved you probably you will find someone who critisezes you, but loves you, if they've been fighting a lot there is the chance that you will find someone who will fight a lot... and so on. Something like an equasion. If A=B and B=C, than A=C. So then you have Love = Home Home= x than Love=x. And looks like your X is abusiveness. So you need help to eliminate this perception from your mind and choose on having different X in equasion.

 

About this relationship of yours, yes he's abusive, mentally unstabile and you need to leave him. Now is the right time. Not later, not in several months. Don't even try to fell in love in his potential. This is who he is and ain't gona change. Yes, you were right you are in abusive relationship.

 

You need to end this cycle by getting help, because otherwise, when you leave him, ther will be some new abuser knocking on your door. This is the only way to get rid of jerks like he is.

[JustNormal]

 

About a month into the relationship he told me that he'd just got out of a psychiatric hospital a couple months before meeting me. When I expressed my shock at this he sort of turned it around and somehow blamed it on me. He said that my response to his confession wasn't the response he wanted and he actually gave me a script of what I should have said and told me in what tone of voice I was to address him.

 

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. Since dating him I have become really depressed where I was never depressed before. But I'm afraid of breaking up with him because I don't really get any support or love from my family or friends. Although if truth be told I don't get any support from my boyfriend either.

 

 

HahahahA.. Ohh.. it hurts.. It hurts...

 

HAhahsdhahksdjhasd... What do we have for her Johnny???

 

A brand new Psycho! Woooo!

 

Ahh, ok. Was that insensitive enough? I hope so. Ahem. What are you doing?

 

Look for a guy that respects himself and others without genetic defects like the one above. You have to approach them now. You are too old to hang back and wait for psychos. You Have To Look For Them! College is over. Join a club for something you love doing. Go to church. Go to nice parties with your friends. Ask married couples if they have any candidates that they are friends with.

 

Use all of these strategies and Lord willing you won't find a psychotic specifically tuned to your DNA. If you find yourself in a relationship again with a nut, please don't have kids. We already pay too much for prison's. Good luck.