Dear God: I am insecure.

[deargod]

Mind you, this post is coming from someone who has had a LONG line of jealousy problems, beginning with my first relationship and continuing to now. Yet trust me, it has gotten better.

 

I need help.

 

I'm insecure with myself. I've been blessed with good looks, not great, but good. I've never had problems finding a boyfriend. Why am I insecure? It all goes back to when I was younger, before I found out the magic of nice clothes, make up, and a flat iron. I wasn't the prettiest girl and envied all those who were.

 

My problem: I still do.

 

It seems like every other movie my boyfriend and I watch, there is nudity. Of course, as all movies go, its always nudity on the part of a woman's chest area. My boyfriend says he looks away from them because he knows am insecure but that's not right... I have B cup breasts and have always longed for bigger. It seems like what all the magazines and movies show as being accepable is a C cup or higher. It also seems men enjoy bigger breasts than mine. I'm worried my boyfriend's exposure to all these gorgeous women will make him have second thoughts about his less-than-perfect girlfriend.

 

My question: What goes through a man's mind when he sees these beautiful women on screen? Does this affect the way he feels about his girlfriend? Should I be worried/insecure?

 

___________________________________________________________

 

Dear God: Forgive me for I have sinned. I shall die of Envy.

[nicorette]

i always have the same thing. me and my bf were watching hostel and oh my god are there so many breasts in that movie. it bothers me when hed watch. he wasnt ogling over it but i felt extremely uncomfortable and inadequate watching it with him.

 

My question: What goes through a man's mind when he sees these beautiful women on screen? Does this affect the way he feels about his girlfriend? Should I be worried/insecure?

 

1. im not a man so i cant answer that

2. im 100% sure it doesnt. theres no reason why it would. its human nature for men to be attracted to that type of things. its all visual and it doesnt mean a thing to him.

3. NO! absolutely not. hes with YOU! hes with you for a reason. i know how hard it is trust me. but you do need to try as hard as you can to let it go or else itll only push him away!

 

i wish you the best and i hope you overcome this because its not a great thing. i hope you feel better and always remember that hes with you for a reason and you are all that he wants. cheer up

[itsthatguy]

It seems like every other movie my boyfriend and I watch, there is nudity. Of course, as all movies go, its always nudity on the part of a woman's chest area. My boyfriend says he looks away from them because he knows am insecure but that's not right... I have B cup breasts and have always longed for bigger. It seems like what all the magazines and movies show as being accepable is a C cup or higher. It also seems men enjoy bigger breasts than mine. I'm worried my boyfriend's exposure to all these gorgeous women will make him have second thoughts about his less-than-perfect girlfriend.

 

Don't worry about it, not every guy loves a huge set of knockers. For me, a girl having some really large breasts is kind of a turn off, because once the bra is off they tend to sag down and I don't think that looks good at all. My girlfriend has a 34B chest, and there's no way I would want them any bigger. And I'm not the only guy who thinks like this, so don't sweat it!

 

 

My question: What goes through a man's mind when he sees these beautiful women on screen? Does this affect the way he feels about his girlfriend? Should I be worried/insecure?

 

What goes through your head when you see some gorgeous looking guy in a movie or on the street, does it make you feel like leaving your boyfriend? Probably not. Looking at the opposite sex and feeling some physical attraction or atleastadmitting that they are good looking is human nature, and everybody does it. But if your boyfriend is only going out with you based on physical appearance, that would be a pretty shallow relationship that wouldn't last too long. I don't know anyone who gets into a serious relationship (ie, more than just a booty call) if they arn't really attracted to your personality, and that's atleast one thing that an on-screen babe can't touch.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am torn on this one.

 

On one level, I'm a romantic and I say "It really doesn't matter what you look like that much, love is love, etc".

 

But the cynical part of me says that there will always be someone hotter and better than you. Than me. Than anyone. However...we can also apply this rule to Significant Others, which is sort of comforting.

[blueangel]

Insecurity stems as a form of fear expressed through self loathing. You are afraid that who you are is not acceptable enough. I learned that a happy person and confident one is the most beautiful. Once you learn more about life and gain maturity with the wisdom you acquire, you will see that too. Maybe it's time to really focus on those bigger issues (purpose and all that- what's really important). I promise you it will take care of the smaller ones.

[itsallgrand]

deargod,

I can't answer your q directed at men. But....

 

I sympathize. Day in and day out, there are ads movies crappitycrapcrap being shoved in our faces of what we 'should' strive to be like. We are supposed to compare ourselves - bc that makes people money. It makes people money to have insecure people that can be fed garbage.

 

No offence, but it gets a little old hearing A and B cupped women complaining about their size, or feeling insecure about. I'm large chested - do you really think it's all that tv says its cracked up to be? Do you know how often you get to hear "big boobs are gonna get saggy" or "look at the set on her!" or having other women instantly dislike you bc of some flesh you did not choose to grow? Geez. Give us big boobed women a break.

Any woman can find things to be insecure about - if you had big boobs, you'd feel insecure about that or find something else!

 

You can't control other people but you are in charge of your own life. If you don't like seeing women and nudity on tv all the time - go out of your way to cut it down or out. Don't read fashion magasines, don't buy into any of the crap. You'd be amazed how much better a person feels after doing this.

 

You said you have good looks. Go with it. F- what other people look like. It is not a competition or a fashion show.

 

As for your guy: would you even want to be with someone who would walk away from a real live, beautiful, intelligent woman bc of visuals he sees on tv?

There must be more to your bf than that, or else you wouldn't be seeing him, right?

 

Just don't buy into this junk. C;mon women, make a stand.

[Süsser Tod]

It seems like every other movie my boyfriend and I watch, there is nudity. Of course, as all movies go, its always nudity on the part of a woman's chest area. My boyfriend says he looks away from them because he knows am insecure but that's not right... I have B cup breasts and have always longed for bigger. It seems like what all the magazines and movies show as being accepable is a C cup or higher. It also seems men enjoy bigger breasts than mine. I'm worried my boyfriend's exposure to all these gorgeous women will make him have second thoughts about his less-than-perfect girlfriend.

 

 

What are you talking about??? Big breasts are a turn off for me! My girlfriend is barely a cup A, as she said, her breasts are only a mouthfull, and I love her that way.

 

Trust me, not all of us are into big saggy jelly breasts, specially not after the girls start suffering from the gravity effects, that will inevitably happen at some point.

 

On the other hand, small breasts will look beautifull for a longer time! What is not to like about smaller breasts?

[itsallgrand]

There. Does it make you feel better now? To hear men bashing large breasts?

 

I think it'd be better if people respected the fact that human beings have variety in their body shapes and sizes. Why is it alright to say unkind things about large breasts - but to say "small boobs are unattractive and unfeminine" would get nasty looks? It isn't alright. It's crude.

 

Everyone has preferences. Fine. But no need to say unkind things. Beauty has many many forms.

 

Security in oneself does NOT come from comparing and feeling better than someone else.

[deargod]

Thank you all SSSOOO much for your feedback!

 

Insecurity has been with me for the longest time. Over the years it gradually decreases so hopefully one day, with the help of all my friends and the feedback I get, it will be gone.

 

Any more feedback you have would be much appreciated!

[nmduipd]

It doesn't matter is if your boobs are big or small - someone will always have something 'ugly' to say about them.

 

What bothers me is that everyone has something to say about how women look.

I often feel like a piece of meat in the butcher's window!

 

We are socially preconditioned to discuss parts of female anatomy and quite often very disrespectfully.

No matter how good you look, under those conditions you're bound to start feeling insecure.

 

If personality and everything else is so much more important, why don't men talk about it more and about the looks less?

[fishrrshortae]

Umm.... not trying to be rude, but I *wish* my boobs were my biggest body image concern. You really have nothing to worry about.

[renthead]

There isn't only one thought that goes through a guy's mind when something happens. Everybody is different, so it really depends on the guy that you're talking about. I think your boyfriend is understanding and that he accepts that you're insecure about your appearance because you said that he tells you he looks away in those scenes. But you also need to help yourself for being content with what you have. Looks aren't everything and the longer you're worried about your appearance, the more insecurity you're going to have. You'll wonder why people are prettier than you, but you shouldn't pay attention to any of that. If your boyfriend loves you, it means he accepts you for who you are and nothing more. Maybe you should try to relax because your insecurity makes you stressed. Try to remind yourself that there are people who are beautiful, but they are only beautiful. You're better than them one at least one thing.

[Rabican]

Relax girl. All men like to see some boobs... thats just how we are. Big or small, if they are on tv were gonna look. But thats no reason to go and worry over it. Theres plenty in life to worry about... this isnt one of those things.

[KuteKate_99]

Insecurities come in stages. The boobs on TV is one that I got over and learned to live with.

 

Being insecure is worse than any germ or bacterial virus in the world. As soon as you get a cure for one jealousy, here come another one!

 

I started to do this to get over the boobs on TV thing. When ever a boob shot came on the TV, I would cover my face with my hands and say in a cute way, "OH boy, this is a MAN-SCENE", let me know when it's done. Then I would giggle a little. I did not want to come off being a prude either. This worked. My boyfriend did not see this as a weakness or a thing where I was being a jealous idiot.

 

He was polite everytime. He did not take my actions to be a controlling action. He did not take this as I was trying to control what he watches on TV either.

 

It was just my little way of not having to deal with it.