can someone explain this to me?

[Daligal83]

I don't even know which forum to put this under. It's about a guy that I technically wasn't even dating, but we were definitely more than friends and heading toward something when he got very weird. Long story short, it never progressed because I got sick of his behavior. It was like he couldn't decide what he wanted. We've been friends for the past few months since I realized nothing would happen. Since then we'll go a couple weeks of not talking and then he'll usually text me saying "what's up" and how he misses me and wants to hang out. We only hang out on HIS terms, never if I initiate so I gave that up long ago.

 

Here is the current frustrating situation. A couple weeks ago he texted me saying the usual "what's up" and wanted me to go out with him and his friends. I didn't go because I was tired from moving into a new apartment. So we text for a bit and then he calls me and says how he really wants to go to this sushi place with me that weekend and he misses me and the usual. This was on a Friday, and we made plans to go to this place on Sunday when my parents left.

 

So Sunday comes around, and I call him a little before 12 and get his voicemail. I go out with friends and it's 3 and still nothing from him. I text him saying "what's up" and he says he's at a baseball game with his friend. I asked if we were still going ot the restaurant and he says "we are going to do that later this week." I got so angry at that! I thought it was really rude. I told him I didn't think I could and he said that we'd fit it in. So in my passive-aggressive style I told him not to worry about it. We haven't talked since.

 

My question is why would he initiate contact like that, tell me how he misses me and really wants to get together and catch up...then completely ditch me and not even care? I don't understand how he can't see that as rude behavior and apologize. As my friend put it, you can cancel on someone, but you actually have to cancel! If I hadn't contacted him, he never would have called to reschedule. Any insight?

[JJRadical]

Whatever the reason you must go NoContact with him for good. Its a total lack of respect. Trust me if a guy likes you he won't choose a baseball game over you no matter how big a fan he is...he probably likes the feeling of being in control and walking all over you as an ego boost...

 

...of course if you want to be alittle evil you could start sending mixed messages yourself...don't respond to his text messages right away...or if he calls say you've got someone on the other line and don't call him back...but stay relaxed/casual and act like nothing is wrong...tension is needed for attraction...don't make yourself to available to guys and respond on their terms only ever...if a guy makes plans and then says to himself "hmm,that was too easy...maybe i can do better."

[Daligal83]

I try to do NC. I can't remember the last time I initiated contact with him. It'd probably be in January. But after that I decided I'm completely done and if he has the guts to text or call me after that I'll either tell him off or ignore him depending on the mood I'm in haha. I just don't understand why he'd blow me off. If he didn't want to actually hang out with me..then why ask to? Why would a guy be turned off by a girl, even just a friend, agreeing to hang out?

[WhatGives]

It sounds like he is trying to play cat and mouse. He wants to know that you are there for him as an option, if he needs you. But the only schedule he cares about is his own... and to him, the world should revolve around it. He will take you for sushi, suuure... as long as nothing more interesting comes along. He sounds like a selfish bonehead, and you shouldn't waste your time allowing him to frustrate you.

 

And please... whatever he says or does, don't date him. Guys like that only get worse in relationships.

[JJRadical]

He's probably not thinking that deep. He is probably bored and then something else came along. Lots of guys have commitment phobia for following thru with plans, even though they are the ones that make it because with plans come expectations, with expectations come pressure...even though making plans at the time seemed likee a good idea.

[Daligal83]

Oh don't worry, I have no plans on dating him. I gave up that idea a long time ago. Now I realized he's not even worth having as a friend. I have enough amazing friends that I don't need him around. People who act like this just amaze me. I don't know how they are OK with their behavior. Unfortunately I have class with this guy next semester so I still have to see him.

 

You are right about him only caring about his own schedule. I've told him that too. Over spring break we had a long talk on the phone and I told him all this stuff he did that's frustrating and he apologized for everything. Apparently that meant nothing! haha.

[Tragedy]

Forget it. Find another one, you took his bait long ago. Wiggle yourself off the hook and find something better.

[curbie]

Forget it. Find another one, you took his bait long ago. Wiggle yourself off the hook and find something better.

I agree with this opinion. Sounds to me like he was just using you for something else....get rid of this trash.

[Siriana]

Whatever the reason you must go NoContact with him for good. Its a total lack of respect. Trust me if a guy likes you he won't choose a baseball game over you no matter how big a fan he is...he probably likes the feeling of being in control and walking all over you as an ego boost...

Finally, someone said that here on entolaone. I ditched the guy that I went on 2 dates with, because he was always resheduling our dates if some plans with his friends came on horison. And my friends were surprised that I've done that so soon, and didn't give him more time. More time for what? To start developing feelings for this guy and than to brake up?

Look, he's not into you - and you know that as you said, but also your friendship is not so important to him. You are the frien he meats when his best friends don't have time. So, continue no contact with him, but when he calls don't make plans - politly say that you can't see him. So, after some time he will notice that you always refuse his plans for meeting and he will back off. Simply as that.