Why does she make me so mad.

[Blinking101]

Ever since my girlfriend has started smoking it makes me really mad. When she lights one up in the car I don't even talk to her until she is finished. And I am about to leave for a trip in 3 days. And she grandma is having brain surgery and my girlfriend is worried about that and she has OCD. But she say's it helps when she lights one up. Well I told her I really don't like her doing it and it makes me really mad to she her do this to her self. Also while we were making out one day she said "Do you want me to quit" I said I can't tell you what to do and what not to do. And I kept it like that. BUT WHY THE H$LL WILL SHE NOT LISTEN TO ME!? God she is making me mad every day she lights one up. I wish she was the old way she used to be. The person who does not smoke.

[melrich]

When she lights one up in the car I don't even talk to her until she is finished.

 

Not in the car! You have a right to be mad. Make a deal. She can continue to shorten her life but she can't take you with her.

[DN]

Show her the photos on this website

 

link removed

[Blinking101]

DN what's that going to do to someone who won't even listen to the person that truly loves her?

[mystik]

It's not a matter of how much she loves you, or her listening to you.

 

Cigarettes are addictive. She can't just decide to listen to you and suddenly be able to quit.

 

I'm a non-smoker but my dad does smoke....and I can see that when our family comments on it, he gets upset, because he can't stop and he knows it. I feel bad for him because he can't stop something he wants to. It's hard to see someone you love do something so damaging to their health.

 

When she asks you "Do you want me to stop?" why don't you just tell her YES...then tell her you will help her try to in whatever way you can. Tell her you'll support her as she tries different methods, Ie. patch, 10-step programs, etc. etc, instead of getting mad. Be proactive about it instead of letting it make you so angry.

[itsallgrand]

Yes. When she asks you "Do you want me to quit?" say "Yes, I do."

If you don't like her smoking in your car, simply ask her to stop. That's reasonable.

 

It's an addiction. A person can not quit for others - only themself.

 

To me, this is the same as being upset bc a partner is fat. Being upset does nothing. It's up to the other person to choose. You can try and encourage her,you are free to express your feelings about it to her, and that's about it.

[Jjasonn28]

I think it is pretty disrespectful for her to light a cigarette in the car. You should let it be known how you feel. You dont like it, TELL HER. You care for her enough that you dont like to see her doing this to herself, so TELL HER, 'yes!! I want you to quit!!'

 

I am a smoker, and my ex was not. Through our 3.5 year relationship, I can count how may times I smoked infront of her on one hand. I would NEVER consider lighting up in a car with her. Even on one occasion, we drove for 23 hours out to the east coast, she even told me to, because it doesn't bother her, (her parents both smoked) but I refused to. Simply put, Its MY bad habit, and I respect her. We even lived together for a year and a half. I didn't smoke inside, or outside, when we were hanging out.

 

Just be honest with her about how you feel. Dont get angry, or pushy, just let her know that you are concernd for her well being. Good communication requires some conflict from time to time. Be heard.