TRUST me..it gets BETTER!

[toughtime]

I wrote a post about 3 weeks ago regarding my break ...and then break up with my bf.

 

It hurt, I was upset..i had SOO many different emotions running through my head.

 

Our relationship was not bad at all...which is why it was harder for me b/c we did not really have "relationship problems"..rather our problems were circumstantial.. (he is older(35), starting a job, wants kids, I am 24, starting prof. school, can't have kids for another 3-4 years, plus we will be on opposite sides of the states once we start our paths)...

 

Anyways, after the breakup I felt alone, missed him..missed the relationship, the routine...

 

I felt like I did not know WHAT to do with my spare time!

 

we did not talk for a week and then he said he could not do long distance so he wanted to call it quits. we did not see each other for another two weeks until i went over there this past weekend to get my stuff.

 

I saw him and it was not bad...we treated each other like friends. It ended very nicely...and I have no regrets about our relationship. My first relationship the guy is a great person but horrible bf. This second guy..he was a GREAT bf..and treated me really well. I learned a lot--how to be treated with respect.

 

I guess the weirdest thing for me now is the fact of knowing that it is over for good. someone who i got soooo incredibly close to is now completely out of my life. I have only dated one other guy (for 5 years), we got to know each other soo well that we became best friends..and still are friends.

 

But with the last guy we dated for 5 months only so our friendship did not have enough time to really build.

 

All in all, I guess I just want to let you all know that it does get better. Everyone says that time is the key..right? Well, they are right. Each day you get a bit stronger, your heart beats a bit harder, you forget slowly..and you start focusing on YOURSELF! How to improve yourself as an individual..work on your weaknesses..find hobbies...keep in touch with your friends better. You realize the people that are always there for you...(FAMILY and close friends..)

 

I did not know what to do right after the breakup but now I can find a billion things to do in my spare time that I have missed out on!

 

For me one big thing was the fact that I have not really been single in the past six years! Because of that I kind of lost sight on MYSELF..and just focused more on "us" (the guy I was with and me).

 

For all of you that are hurt, confused..and upset..trust me..it does get better. You will soon find out that it is just a matter of time...

 

Initially, you might have to push yourself a tad bit to get out and keep yourself engaged in other activities. But then after some time you will want to do them on your own!

 

I have noticed that I am slowly forgeting about my ex..my heart does not hurt in the morning anymore....I

The WEIRD thing is that sometimes I wonder how I can forget so quickly..how it leaves my mind so quickly..but it just does!

[flower99]

so true!!! That's wonderful things are going well for you

[pablovblack]

makes you wonder how quickply they can forget about you (the dumper) dont it.... which is not a nice thought..

[searching1951]

Yes, but I don't think it happens uniformly... I think you improve in steps. The reason is that you need a distraction to divert yourself from the anxiety-depression loop of obsession... after a period of distraction, any old thing, like an emergency, world war III, and imminent asteroid impact, repossession ofyour house, etc. you feel that the focal point of your obsession (your ex) has moved very very far away. You have a moment of euphoria, but then you think "ahhh,..it's now ok to think about my distant ex again.." and soon you've fallen back into the well of obsession..but not quite as far. Slowly but surely, bruised and battered after so many falls, you climb out of the well.

 

This suggests that whenever you feel that "ahhh, the ex is now so far away after that distraction...," then you

should NOT think about the ex.. this is the critical time when you can make the most progress. Try to deliberately get rid of something or some habit at that point. Try to extend and relive the distraction..focus on those memories, and not the ex. Normally I find that these mental tricks don't work, UNLESS you have just broken the obsession loop..then they are easier and more productive.

 

BTW..does visiting enotalone.com make you feel better or worse?

I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel that it is keeping me dwelling on it all...in the very early phase it's necessary, but at some point perhaps one should try to give it up as well.

[toughtime]

Coming on here makes me feel better. I come now occasionally if I am down but I enjoy helping people see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel since I was in that tunnel not too long ago..

 

But..I do still think of him...just it is not nearly as bad anymore..I can deal with it..

 

Plus, I am back to acting the way I was..happy..and cheerful..

Back to the routine of life....